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| KOSTUR | Skeleton |
| Već mu je bilo i prošlo vrijeme da opet ode doktoru. Gospodin Harris problijedio je i okrenuo se na stubama pa, uspinjući se novim nizom, ugledao ime doktora Burleigha, nazlaćeno nad ušiljenom strelicom. Hoće li, kad uđe, doktor Burleigh, opet samo uzdahnuti? Na koncu konca, ovo mu je ove godine već deseti put. Ali se Burleigh nema na što žaliti; ta on je za svoje preglede pošteno plaćen! | It was past time for him to see the doctor again. Mr. Harris turned palely in at the stair well, and on his way up the flight saw Dr. Burleigh's name gilded over a pointing arrow. Would Dr. Burleigh sigh when he walked in? After all, this would make the tenth trip so far this year. But Burleigh shouldn't complain; he was paid for the examinations! |
| Sestra je preletjela pogledom preko gospodina Harrisa i nasmiješila se, kao da je sve to pomalo zabavlja, pa onda na prstima otišla do vrata od mutnoga stakla, otvorila ih i turila glavu. Harrisu se učinilo da čuje njen glas: "Pogodite, doktore, tko je." I zar nije doktor odgovorilo slabački: "O, Bože premilostivi, zar opet? Harris je nelagodno progutao slinu. | The nurse looked Mr. Harris over and smiled, a bit amusedly, as she tiptoed to the glazed glass door, opened it, and put her head in. Harris thought he heard her say, "Guess who's here, Doctor." And didn't the doctor's voice reply, faintly, "Oh, my God, again?" Harris swallowed uneasily. |
| Kad je Harris ušao, doktor Burleigh je samo otfrknuo. "Opet bol u kostima! Ah!!" Namrštio se i namjestio naočale. "Dragi moj Harrisu, vas su timarili najfinijim četkicama za zube i najboljim, znanosti poznatim, protubakterijskim kefama. Samo ste malo nervozni. Dajte da vam vidim prste. Previše pušite. Dajte dahnite. Previše bjelančevina. Da vam vidim oči. Premalo sna. Moj odgovor? U krevet, bez proteina, nema pušenja. Deset dolara, molim." | When Harris walked in, Dr. Burleigh snorted. "Aches in your bones again! Ah! !" He scowled and adjusted his glasses. "My dear Harris, you've been curried with the finest-tooth combs and bacteria-brushes known to science. You're just nervous. Let's see your fingers. Too many cigarettes. Let's smell your breath. Too much protein. Let's see your eyes. Not enough sleep. My response? Go to bed, stop the protein, no smoking. Ten dollars, please." |
| Harris je stajao i durio se. | Harris stood sulking. |
| Doktor je podigao pogled sa svojih papira. "Još ste tu? Vi ste hipohondar! To je onda jedanaest dolara." | The doctor glanced up from his papers. "You still here? You're a hypochondriac! That's eleven dollars, now." |
| "Ali zašto me bole kosti?" upitao je Harris. | "But why should my bones ache?" asked Harris. |
| Doktor Burleigh obratio mu se kao djetetu. "Je li vas ikad bolio mišić, pa ste ga stalno iritirali, mrdali po njemu, trljali ga? I što ste ga više gnjavili, bilo je sve gore. A onda ste ga pustili na miru, i bol je nestao. Pa ste shvatili da ste za to što vas boli sami krivi. Mislim, sinko, tako je to i s vama. Dajte si mira. Dajte se osoliti. Krenite u Phoenix, na put koji odgađate već mjesecima. Malo putovanja dobro će vam doći!" | Dr. Burleigh spoke as to a child. "You ever had a sore muscle, and kept irritating it, fussing with it, rubbing it? It gets worse, the more you bother it. Then you leave it alone and the pain vanishes. You realize you caused most of the soreness, yourself. Well, son, that's what's with you. Leave yourself alone. Take a dose of salts. Get out of here and take that trip to Phoenix you've stewed about for months. Do you good to travel!" |
| Pet minuta potom, gospodin Harris je u drogeriji na uglu prevrtao rubricirani telefonski imenik. Od takvih budala kao taj doktor Burleigh, slijepih kraj zdravih očiju, čovjek dobije više zijevanja nego razumijevanja! Prst mu je kliznuo niz popis OSTEOLOGA, pa našao izvjesnog M. Muniganta. Uz njegovo ime nije bilo ni M.D. ni ikoje druge akademske kratice, ali mu je ordinacija bila tu u blizini. Tri ulice ravno, pa ulica desno... | Five minutes later, Mr. Harris riffled through a classified phone directory at the corner druggist's. A fine lot of sympathy one got from blind fools like Burleigh! He passed his finger down a list of BONE SPECIALISTS, found one named M. Munigant. Munigant lacked an M.D., or any other academic lettering behind his name, but his office was conveniently near. Three blocks down, one block over. . . . |
| M. Munigant, kao i njegova ordinacija, bio je malen i, mračan. Baš kao i njegova ordinacija, i on je zaudarao na jodoform, jod i ostale čudne stvari. Ipak je znao slušati, pa bi i slušao, prateći to zainteresiranim sjajnim pokretima očiju, a kad se obratio Harrisu, izgovor mu je bio takav kao da bi svaku riječ samo tiho prozviždukao; nema sumnje da je to bila posljedica nesavršenog zubala. | M. Munigant, like his office, was small and dark. Like his office, he smelled of iodoform, iodine, and other odd things. He was a good listener, though, and listened with eager shiny moves of his eyes, and when he talked to Harris, his accent was such that he softly whistled each word; undoubtedly because of imperfect dentures. |
| Harris mu je sve ispričao. | Harris told all. |
| M. Munigant je zakimao glavom. S takvim se slučajevima već susretao. Tjelesne kosti. Ljudi ni ne znaju da ih imaju. O, da, kosti. Kostur. Velike teškoće. Potom nešto o neravnoteži, antipatetičkoj koordinaciji između duše, mesa i kostura. Vrlo kompliciran i tiho zviždukav, taj M. Munigant. Harris ga je slušao, sav zadivljen. Eto, napokon, doktora koji razumije njegovu boljku! Nešto psihološki, rekao je M. Munigant. Otišao je brzo, delikatnim pokretima, do prljavoga zida i s njega strgnuo pet-šest rengenograma, da preplave sobu poput stvari što plivaju na nekakvoj praiskonskoj plimi. Evo, evo! Kukuc, kukuc kosture! A ovdje su luminozni portreti dugih, kratkih, malih kostiju. Gospodin Harris mora shvatiti svoju situaciju, svoj problem! Ruka M. Muniganta je kucala, šuštala, šaptala, grebla blijede maglice mesa u kojima su lebdjeli duhovi lubanje, hrptenjače, zdjelice, vapnenca, kalcija, koštane srži, tu, tamo, to, ta, ovo, ono i sve ostalo! Pogledajte! | M. Munigant nodded. He had seen cases like this before. The bones of the body. Man was not aware of his bones. Ah, yes, the bones. The skeleton. Most difficult. Something concerning an imbalance, an unsympathetic coordination between soul, flesh, and skeleton. Very complicated, softly whistled M. Munigant. Harris listened, fascinated. Now, here was a doctor who understood his illness! Psychological, said M. Munigant. He moved swiftly, delicately to a dingy wall and slashed down half a dozen X-rays to haunt the room with their look of things found floating in an ancient tide. Here, here! The skeleton surprised! Here luminous portraits of the long, the short, the large, the small bones. Mr. Harris must be aware of his position, his problem! M. Munigant's hand tapped, rattled, whispered, scratched at faint nebulae of flesh in which hung ghosts of cranium, spinal-cord, pelvis, lime, calcium, marrow, here, there, this, that, these, those, and others! Look! |
| Harris se stresao. S rengenograma i slika pirio je vjetar zelen i fluorescentan, iz zemalja napučenih čudovištima Dalija i Fuselija. | Harris shuddered. The X-rays and the paintings blew in a green and phosphorescent wind from a land peopled by the monsters of Dali and Fuseli. |
| M. Munigant je tiho zafićukao. Želi li gospodin Harris da mu on te njegove kosti - obradi? | M. Munigant whistled quietly. Did Mr. Harris wish his bones--treated? |
| "Ovisi o", odgovorio je Harris. | "That depends," said Harris. |
| Pa mislim, M. Munigant ne može pomoći Harrisu ukoliko gospodin nije u pravom duševnom stanju. Psihološki gledano, ako čovjek ne osjeća potrebu da mu se pomogne, onda je doktor beskoristan. Ali (slijeganje ramenima) M. Munigant može "pokušati". | Well, M. Munigant could not help Harris unless Harris was in the proper mood. Psychologically, one had to need help, or the doctor was useless. But (shrugging) M. Munigant would "try." |
| Harris je legao na stol i otvorio usta. Svjetla su se pogasila, roloi spustili. M. Munigant je prišao svom pacijentu. | Harris lay on a table with his mouth open. The lights were switched off, the shades drawn. M. Munigant approached his patient. |
| Kojem je nešto dotaklo jezik. | Something touched Harris's tongue. |
| Osjetio je kako mu nešto čupa čeljust. Zaškripala je i začulo se tiho pucketanje. Jedan od crteža kostura na mračnome zidu kao da je zadrhtao i poskočio. Harrisa je obuzela divlja drhtavica. Usta su mu se mahinalno i trzajem zatvorila. | He felt his jawbones forced out. They creaked and made faint cracking noises. One of those skeleton charts on the dim wall seemed to quiver and jump. A violent shudder seized Harris. Involuntarily, his mouth snapped shut. |
| M. Munigant je dreknuo. Skoro mu je odgrizao nos! Ništa iz toga, ništa iz toga! Sad nije pravi čas! M. Munigant je skoro nečujno podigao roloe, užasno razočaran. Kad gospodin Harris osjeti da bi mogao surađivati na psihološkom planu, kad gospodin Harris zaista osjeti potrebu da mu se pomogne i kad bude imao vjere da će mu M. Munigant doista pomoći, tad možda bude moguće nešto i učiniti. M. Munigant je ispružio ručicu. Što se ostaloga tiče, tarifa je bila samo dva dolara. Gospodin Harris mora početi razmišljati. Tu je skica koju neka gospodin Harris ponese kući i dobro prouči. Mora se upoznati sa svojim tijelom. Mora ga postati do drhtavice svjestan. Mora biti na stalnome oprezu. Kosturi su čudni i nezgrapni. Zasvjetlucale su mu oči. Lijep pozdrav gospodinu Harrisu. O, je li možda za jedan slani štapić? M. Munigant je dohvatio teglicu s dugim tvrdim slanim štapićima, ponudio Harrisa, pa i sam uzeo jedan, i rekao kako mu grickanje slanih štapića održava - ovaj - kondiciju. Lijep pozdrav, lijep pozdrav, gospodinu Harrisu! Gospodin se Harris vratio kući. | M. Munigant shouted. His nose had almost been bitten off! No use, no use! Now was not the time! M. Munigant whispered the shades up, dreadfully disappointed. When Mr. Harris felt he could cooperate psychologically, when Mr. Harris really needed help and trusted M. Munigant to help him, then maybe something could be done. M. Munigant held out his little hand. In the meantime, the fee was only two dollars. Mr. Harris must begin to think. Here was a sketch for Mr. Harris to take home and study. It would acquaint him with his body. He must be tremblingly aware of himself. He must be on guard. Skeletons were strange, unwieldy things. M. Munigant's eyes glittered. Good day to Mr. Harris. Oh, and would he care for a breadstick? M. Munigant proffered a jar of long hard salty breadsticks to Harris, taking one himself, saying that chewing breadsticks kept him in--ah--practice. Good day, good day, to Mr. Harris! Mr. Harris went home. |
| Sutradan, u nedjelju, gospodin je Harris u svom tijelu otkrio bezbrojne nove mrlje bola. Jutro je proveo pogleda prikovana, s novim zanimanjem, za malu, anatomski savršenu sliku kostura koju mu je bio dao M. Munigant. | The next day, Sunday, Mr. Harris discovered innumerable fresh aches and pains in his body. He spent the morning, his eyes fixed staring with new interest at the small, anatomically perfect painting of a skeleton M. Munigant had given him. |
| Za ručkom ga je prepala njegova žena, Clarisse, jer je zapucketala svojih profinjeno tankim zglavcima, sve jednim za drugim, i nastavila to činiti sve dok on nije dlanovima pritisnuo uši i vrisnuo: "Daj prestani!" | His wife, Clarisse, startled him at dinner when she cracked her exquisitely thin knuckles, one by one, until he clapped his hands to his ears and cried, "Stop!" |
| Ostatak je popodneva proveo u karanteni svoje sobe. Dok je Clarisse u dnevnoj sobi s još tri dame igrala bridž, Harris je, u svom skrovištu, sa sve većom radoznalošću opipavao i odvagivao udove svog tijela. Nakon sat vremena najednom je ustao i zazvao: | The rest of the afternoon he quarantined himself in his room. Clarisse played bridge in the parlor laughing and chatting with three other ladies while Harris, hidden away, fingered and weighed the limbs of his body with growing curiosity. After an hour he suddenly rose and called: |
| "Clarisse!" | "Clarisse!" |
| Ona je običavala u sobe ulaziti plešući, i tijelo bi joj izvodilo sve moguće meke i dopadljive pokrete, samo da joj noge nikad i stvarno ne dotaknu čupavu površinu tepiha. Ispričala se prijateljicama pa vedro i smjesta krenula k njemu. Zatekla ga je kako, ponovno sjevši, u najdaljem kutu sobe zuri u anatomsku skicu. "Opet time razbijaš glavu, ljubavi?" upitala ga je. "Molim te, nemoj." Sjela mu je na koljena. | She had a way of dancing into any room, her body doing all sorts of soft, agreeable things to keep her feet from ever quite touching the nap of a rug. She excused herself from her friends and came to see him now, brightly. She found him re-seated in a far corner and she saw that he was staring at the anatomical sketch. "Are you still brooding, sweet?" she asked. "Please don't." She sat upon his knees. |
| Njezina mu ljepota danas nije mogla svrnuti vrlo duboke misli. Žonglirao je njezinom lakoćom, pa joj sumnjičavo dotakao iverak. Kao da se pomaknuo pod blijedom, sjajnom kožom. "Jel to mora to raditi?" upitao je i usrkao zrak. | Her beauty could not distract him now in his absorption. He juggled her lightness, he touched her kneecap, suspiciously. It seemed to move under her pale, glowing skin. "Is it supposed to do that?" he asked, sucking in his breath. |
| "Što to mora raditi što?" Nasmijala se. "Misliš na moj iverak?" | "Is what supposed to do what?" she laughed. "You mean my kneecap?" |
| "Jel ti se on mora tako vrtjeti po koljenu?" | "Is it supposed to run around on top your knee that way?" |
| Ona je sad malo eksperimentirala. "Vidi, stvarno", zadivila se Clarisse. | She experimented. "So it does," she marveled. |
| "Drago mi je što se i tebi kliže", rekao je i uzdahnuo. "Već sam se bio zabrinuo." | "I'm glad yours slithers, too," he sighed. "I was beginning to worry." |
| "Zbog čega?" | "About what?" |
| Potapšao se po rebrima. "Rebra mi se ne spuštaju sve do kraja, nego tu prestaju. A našao sam i neka zeznuta koja se ziblju ni na nebu ni na zemlji!" | He patted his ribs. "My ribs don't go all the way down, they stop here. And I found some confounded ones that dangle in midair!" |
| Ispod oblina svojih malih grudi, Clarisse je prekrižila ruke. | Beneath the curve of her small breasts, Clarisse clasped her hands. |
| "Naravno, ludice, svačija rebra prestaju u određenoj točki. A ta smiješna, kratka, to su takozvana slobodna rebra." | "Of course, silly, everybody's ribs stop at a given point. And those funny short ones are floating ribs." |
| "Nadam se samo da si ne dopuštaju preveliku slobodu." Taje dosjetka izazivala krajnju nelagodu. Sad je, više od svega, želio biti sam. Na dohvatu njegovih drhtavih ruku stajala su nova otkrića, sve novije i sve neobičnije arheološke iskopine, a on nije želio da mu se netko smije. | "I hope they don't float around too much." The joke was most uneasy. Now, above all, he wished to be alone. Further discoveries, newer and stranger archaeological diggings, lay within reach of his trembling hands, and he did not wish to be laughed at. |
| "Hvala ti, dušo, što si došla", rekao je. | "Thanks for coming in, dear," he said. |
| "Kad god zaželiš." I sad je svoj nosić meko protrla o njegov. | "Any time." She rubbed her small nose softly against his. |
| "Čekaj! Vidi ovo..." Stavio je prst na svoj i njezin nos. "Ma shvaćaš li ovo? Nosna kost raste samo do tuda. O otuda pa nadalje ostatak ispunjava samo mnogo hrskavice!" | "Wait! Here, now. . ." He put his finger to touch his nose and hers. "Did you realize? The nose-bone grows down only this far. From there on a lot of gristly tissue fills out the rest!" |
| Ona je nabrala nos. "Naravno, ljubavi!" Pa otplesala iz sobe. | She wrinkled hers. "Of course, darling!" And she danced from the room. |
| I sad, dok je tako sjedio sam, osjetio je kako mu se iz jamica i šupljina lica diže znoj, da bi mu potom u tankoj plimi potekao niz obraze. Liznuo je usne i zatvorio oči. A sad... sad... je na dnevnom redu, što..? Kralježnica, da. Tu je. Polako ju je počeo opipavati, isto onako kako je pritiskao dugmad u svom uredu, pritiskao ga da dozove tajnice, dostavljače. Ali sada, na to pritiskanje kičme, javljali su mu se strahovi i užasi, izlijetali iz milijuna vrata u njegovoj glavi, da bi mu se unijeli u lice i prodrmali ga! Kičma je na opip bila tako - nepoznata. Poput lomnih krhotina ribe, netom pojedene, s kostima ostavljenim na hladnom porculanskom tanjuru. Uhvatio je male zaobljene čvoruljke. "O Bože! O Bože!" | Now, sitting alone, he felt the perspiration rise from the pools and hollows of his face, to flow in a thin tide down his cheeks. He licked his lips and shut his eyes. Now. . . now. . . next on the agenda, what . . .? The spinal cord, yes. Here. Slowly, he examined it, in the same way he operated the many push-buttons in his office, thrusting them to summon secretaries, messengers. But now, in these pushings of his spinal column, fears and terrors answered, rushed from a million doors in his mind to confront and shake him! His spine felt horribly--unfamiliar. Like the brittle shards of a fish, freshly eaten, its bones left strewn on a cold china platter. He seized the little rounded knobbins. "Lord! Lord!" |
| Zubi su mu zacvokotali. Bože sve-mo-gući! pomislio je, kako da to nisam shvatio za sve ove godine? Sve sam te godine hodao s - KOSTUROM - u svom tijelu! Kako da mi to uzimamo kao nešto najnormalnije? Kako da se nikad ne pitamo ni o našem tijelu ni o našem biću? | His teeth began to chatter. God All-Mighty! he thought, why haven't I realized it all these years? All these years I've gone around with a--SKELETON--inside me! How is it we take ourselves for granted? How is it we never question our bodies and our being? |
| Kostur. Jedan od onih zglobnih, sniježnih, tvrdih; jedan od onih gadnih, suhih, krhkih, šupljookih; mrtvačke glave i drhtavih prstiju, čegrtavih stvari što se njišu obješene o lance u napuštenim, paučinom iskrižanim ormarima, jedan od onih što se nalaze posvuda po pustinji, rasuti kao igraće kockice! | A skeleton. One of those jointed, snowy, hard things, one of those foul, dry, brittle, gouge-eyed, skull-faced, shake-fingered, rattling things that sway from neck-chains in abandoned webbed closets, one of those things found on the desert all long and scattered like dice! |
| Stajao je uspravno, jer nije mogao podnijeti sjedenje. Sad negdje u meni - pomislio je i uhvatio se za želudac, za glavu u mojoj je glavi - lubanja. Jedan od onih zakrivljenih kornjačinih oklopa što drže mozak kao električnu želatinu, jedna od onih razbijenih ljuski s rupama sprijeda, kao probitih sačmaricom duplonkom! Sa svojim koštanim gromačama i špiljama, s potpornjima i uporištima za moje meso, moj njuh, moj vid, moj sluh, moju misao! Lubanja, što mi okružuje mozak, i dopušta mu izlazak kroz krhke prozore da vidi vanjski svijet! | He stood upright, because he could not bear to remain seated. Inside me now, he grasped his stomach, his head, inside my head is a--skull. One of those curved carapaces which holds my brain like an electrical jelly, one of those cracked shells with the holes in front like two holes shot through it by a double-barreled shotgun! With its grottoes and caverns of bone, its revetments and placements for my flesh, my smelling, my seeing, my hearing, my thinking! A skull, encompassing my brain, allowing it exit through its brittle windows to see the outside world! |
| Poželio je uletjeti usred partije bridža, okrenuti je na glavu, upasti kao lisica u kokošinjac, da perje zaleprša svud uokrug, kao pileće perje što suklja uvis u oblaku! Zaustavio se samo divljim, uzdrhtalim naporom volje. Daj, daj, čovječe, daj se svladaj. Ta to je otkrovenje, pa ga kao takva i prihvati, shvati ga, uživaj u njemu. ALI KOSTUR! zavrištala je njegova podsvijest. Ne mogu to podnijeti. To je tako vulgarno, tako užasno, tako jezivo. Kosturi su jeza; oni zveckaju i klackaju i štropoću kroz stare zamkove, obješeni o hrastove grede, i stvaraju indolentna duga njihala što šuškaju na vjetru... | He wanted to dash into the bridge party, upset it, a fox in a chickenyard, the cards fluttering all around like chicken feathers burst upward in clouds! He stopped himself only with a violent, trembling effort. Now, now, man, control yourself. This is a revelation, take it for what it's worth, understand it, savor it. BUT A SKELETON! screamed his subconscious. I won't stand for it. It's vulgar, it's terrible, it's frightening. Skeletons are horrors; they clink and tinkle and rattle in old castles, hung from oaken beams, making long, indolently rustling pendulums on the wind. . . . |
| "Ljubavi, hoćeš se doći upoznati s damama?" Čist, umiljat glas njegove žene zazvao ga je iz velike daljine. | "Darling, will you come meet the ladies?" His wife's clear, sweet voice called from far away. |
| Gospodin Harris je ustao. Njegov ga je KOSTUR držao na nogama! To nešto unutra, taj zavojevač, taj užas, podupirao mu je ruke, noge, glavu! To je kao da iza tebe stoji netko tko tu ne bi trebao biti. Sa svakim je korakom postajao sve svjesniji koliko je ovisan o tom drugom. | Mr. Harris stood. His SKELETON held him up! This thing inside, this invader, this horror, was supporting his arms, legs, and head! It was like feeling someone just behind you who shouldn't be there. With every step, he realized how dependent he was on this other Thing. |
| "Ljubavi, evo me odmah!" odazvao se slabašno. A sebi je rekao, no daj, isprsi se! Sutra opet moraš na posao. U subotu moraš obaviti taj put u Phoenix. Do tamo ima puno vožnje. Stotine milja. I za taj put moraš biti u formi, inače nećeš uspjeti nagovoriti gospodina Creldona da uloži u onaj posao s keramikom. Glavu gore, i to smjesta! | "Darling, I'll be with you in a moment," he called weakly. To himself he said, Come on, brace up! You've got to go back to work tomorrow. Friday you must make that trip to Phoenix. It's a long drive. Hundreds of miles. Must be in shape for that trip or you won't get Mr. Creldon to invest in your ceramics business. Chin up, now! |
| Trenutak je potom stajao među damama, da bi bio predstavljen gospođi Withers, gospođi Abblematt te gospođici Kirthy, koje su sve u sebi imale kosture, no ipak su tu činjenicu podnosile zapanjujuće mirno, zato što im je golu nagost klavikla, tibije i femure narav vrlo pažljivo odjenula prsima, stegnima, listovima, kosom i sotonskim obrvama, uškubljenim usnama, ali - GOSPODE! vrisnuo je u sebi gospodin Harris - ali kad govore ili jedu, onda im se vidi dio kostura - zubi! O tome još nikad nisam mislio. "Ispričajte me", samo je dahnuo, pa izletio iz sobe taman na vrijeme da preko balustrade na vrtne petunije iskrene čitav ručak. | A moment later he stood among the ladies, being introduced to Mrs. Withers, Mrs. Abblematt, and Miss Kirthy, all of whom had skeletons inside them, but took it very calmly, because nature had carefully clothed the bare nudity of clavicle, tibia, and femur with breasts, thighs, calves, with coiffure and eyebrow satanic, with bee-stung lips and--LORD! shouted Mr. Harris inwardly--when they talk or eat, part of their skeleton shows--their teeth! I never thought of that. "Excuse me," he gasped, and ran from the room only in time to drop his lunch among the petunias over the garden balustrade. |
| Te večeri, dok je sjedio na krevetu a njegova se žena svlačila, pedantno je podrezivao nokte na rukama i nogama. I to su bila mjesta na kojima se vidio kostur, i indignantno izrastao van. Zacijelo je od te teorije nešto i promrmljao, jer je u sljedećem trenutku ugledao svoju ženu, u negližeu, na krevetu, kako ga grli oko vrata, i na nj zijeva: "O, ljubavi moja, nokti nisu kost, oni su samo orožnatila epiderma!" | That night, seated on the bed as his wife undressed, he pared his toenails and fingernails scrupulously. These parts, too, were where his skeleton was shoving, indignantly growing out. He must have muttered part of this theory, because next thing he knew his wife, in negligee, was on the bed, her arms about his neck, yawning, "Oh, my darling, fingernails are not bone, they're only hardened epidermis!" |
| Bacio je škare. "Jesi sigurna? Nadam se da je tako. Već mi je bolje." Pogledao je obline njezina tijela, pa se zadivio. "Nadam se da su svi ljudi stvoreni na isti način." | He threw the scissors down. "Are you certain? I hope so. I'd feel better." He looked at the curve of her body, marveling. "I hope all people are made the same way." |
| "Ma ako ti nisi prokleti hipohondar!" Odmaknula se od njega na čitav rukohvat. "No daj. Što nije u redu? Reci mamici." | "If you aren't the darndest hypochondriac!" She held him at arm's length. "Come on. What's wrong? Tell mama." |
| "Nešto u meni", rekao je. "Nešto što sam - pojeo." | "Something inside me," he said. "Something--I ate." |
| Sutradan ujutro i čitavo popodne u svom uredu u centru grada, gospodin je Harris s nezadovoljstvom sortirao sve kosti u svojemu tijelu i to po veličini, obliku i konstrukciji. U deset ujutro zamolio je gospodina Smitha za dopuštenje da mu na trenutak opipa lakat. Gospodin Smith mu je udovoljio želji, ali se sumnjičavo namrštio. A poslije ručka, gospodin Harris je upitao gospođicu Laurel smije li joj opipati lopaticu, i ona se smjesta leđima naslonila na nj, zapreta kao mače i zatvorila oči. | The next morning and all afternoon at his downtown office, Mr. Harris sorted out the sizes, shapes, and construction of various bones in his body with displeasure. At ten A.M. he asked to feel Mr. Smith's elbow one moment. Mr. Smith obliged, but scowled suspiciously. And after lunch Mr. Harris asked to touch Miss Laurel's shoulder blade and she immediately pushed herself back against him, purring like a kitten and shutting her eyes. |
| "Gospođice Laure!" oštro ju je ukorio. "Prestanite s tim!" | "Miss Laurel!" he snapped. "Stop that!" |
| Ostavši sam, duboko se zamislio nad svojom neurozom. Skorašnji kraj rata, pritisak na poslu, neizvjesnost budućnosti - sve je to vjerojatno imalo podosta veze s njegovim duševnim stanjem. Želio je otići iz ureda, pokrenuti vlastiti posao. Za keramiku i kiparstvo imao je nemaloga dara. Čim bude moguće, krenut će za Arizonu, posuditi taj novac od gospodina Creldona, podići keramičku peć i otvoriti obrt. Bila je to velika briga. A u kakvom je stanju. No, sreća njegova, upoznao je M. Muniganta, a činilo se da ga ovaj zdušno želi razumjeti i pomoći mu. Ali on će to pobijediti sam, i neće više ići ni Munigantu ni doktoru Burleighu ukoliko baš ne bude morao. Taj osjećaj nečeg stranog zacijelo će proći. Sjedio je i zurio u prazno. | Alone, he pondered his neuroses. The war was just over, the pressure of his work, the uncertainty of the future, probably had much to do with his mental outlook. He wanted to leave the office, get into business for himself. He had more than a little talent for ceramics and sculpture. As soon as possible he'd head for Arizona, borrow that money from Mr. Creldon, build a kiln and set up shop. It was a worry. What a case he was. But luckily he had contacted M. Munigant, who seemed eager to understand and help him. He would fight it out with himself, not go back to either Munigant or Dr. Burleigh unless he was forced to. The alien feeling would pass. He sat staring into space. |
| Ali taj osjećaj nečeg stranog nije prošao. Nego se pojačao. | The alien feeling did not pass. It grew. |
| U utorak i srijedu užasno ga je gnjavilo što su mu epiderma, kosa i ostali dodaci strašno izneređeni, dok je njegov integumentirani kostur, naprotiv, vrlo lukavo smišljena i čista konstrukcija vrlo djelotvorne organiziranosti. Pokatkad, pri izvjesnom svjetlu, kad bi mu se usne mrzovoljno objesile, otežale od melankolije, zamišljao bi da vidi vlastitu lubanju kako mu se ceri kroz vlastito meso. | On Tuesday and Wednesday it bothered him terrifically that his epidermis, hair and other appendages were of a high disorder, while his integumented skeleton of himself was a slick clean structure of efficient organization. Sometimes, in certain lights with his lips drawn morosely down, weighted with melancholy, he imagined he saw his skull grinning at him behind the flesh. |
| Pusti me! kriknuo je. Daj me pusti! Moja pluća! Pusti! | Let go! he cried. Let go of me! My lungs! Stop! |
| Disao je grčevito, kao da su mu pluća drobilica za zrak. | He gasped convulsively, as if his ribs were crushing the breath from him. |
| Moj mozak - prestani ga stiskati! | My brain--stop squeezing it! |
| I užasne glavobolje spaljivale su mu mozak do slijepog pepela. | And terrifying headaches burnt his brain to a blind cinder. |
| Moja utroba, o, daj joj mira, za milost Božju! Miči mi se od srca! | My insides, let them be, for God's sake! Stay away from my heart! |
| Srce mu je ustuknulo od rebara, što su mahala poput lepeza, i bila poput blijedih pauka što čuče i poigravaju se svojim plijenom. | His heart cringed from the fanning motion of ribs like pale spiders crouched and fiddling with their prey. |
| Jedne večeri, kad je Clarisse otišla na sastanak Crvenoga križa, gospodin je Harris ležao u krevetu, sav promočen znojem. Pokušavao je skupiti misli, ali je samo postajao sve svjesniji sukoba između svoje prljave vanjštine i one krasne hladne i čiste kalcizirane stvari u sebi. | Drenched with sweat, he lay upon the bed one night while Clarisse was out attending a Red Cross meeting. He tried to gather his wits but only grew more aware of the conflict between his dirty exterior and this beautiful cool clean calciumed thing inside. |
| Njegov ten: Nije li masan i naboran od briga? | His complexion: wasn't it oily and lined with worry? |
| A vidi besprijekorno, sniježnobijelo savršenstvo lubanje. | Observe the flawless, snow-white perfection of the skull. |
| Njegov nos: Zar nije prevelik? | His nose: wasn't it too large? |
| A vidi te sitne koščice njegova nosa, koje idu sve dok mu ta čudovišna nosna hrskavica ne počne stvarati to nesrazmjerno veliko rilo. | Then observe the tiny bones of the skull's nose before that monstrous nasal cartilage begins forming the lopsided proboscis. |
| Njegovo tijelo: Nije li punačko? | His body: wasn't it plump? |
| A mislim, vidi kostur; vitak, graciozan, ekonomičan i crtežom i konturom. Rafinirano izrezbarena orijentalna bjelokost! Savršen, tanak kao bijela bogomoljka! | Well, consider the skeleton; slender, svelte, economical of line and contour. Exquisitely carved oriental ivory! Perfect, thin as a white praying mantis! |
| Njegove oči: Zar nisu buljave, obične, tupe? | His eyes: weren't they protuberant, ordinary, numb-looking? |
| Daj, molim te, vidi te duplje u lubanji; tako duboke i zaobljene, ta sumorna, tiha jezerca, sveznajuća, vječna. Pogledaj duboko u njih i nikad nećeš dotaći dno njihova mračnog razumijevanja. U tim je šalicama tame sva ironija, sav život, sve, sve. | Be so kind as to note the eye-sockets of the skull; so deep and rounded, somber, quiet pools, all-knowing, eternal. Gaze deep and you never touch the bottom of their dark understanding. All irony, all life, all everything is there in the cupped darkness. |
| Usporedi. Usporedi. Usporedi. | Compare. Compare. Compare. |
| Bjesnio je tako satima. A kostur, taj vječni krhki i svečani filozof, visio je tiho u njemu, ne zboreči ni riječi, lebdeći poput nježnoga kukca u čahuri, sve čekajući i čekajući. | He raged for hours. And the skeleton, ever the frail and solemn philosopher, hung quietly inside, saying not a word, suspended like a delicate insect within a chrysalis, waiting and waiting. |
| Harris se polako uspravio na krevetu. | Harris sat slowly up. |
| "Čekaj čas. Ni makac!" uskliknuo je. "I ti si bespomoćan. I ja sam zarobio tebe. Moraš raditi sve što ja hoću! Ti protiv toga ne možeš ništa! Velim ti pomakni carpale, i metacarpale i phalanxe i... sst... one se dižu, i onda nekome mahnem!" Nasmijao se. "Onda fibuli i femuri zapovjedim lokomociju, i onda jen dva tri četiri, dva dva tri četiri - idemo oko kvarta. Evo!" | "Wait a minute. Hold on!" he exclaimed. "You're helpless, too. I've got you, too. I can make you do anything I want! You can't prevent it! I say move your carpales, metacarpales, and phalanges andsswttup they go, as I wave to someone!" He laughed. "I order the fibula and femur to locomote and Hunn two three four, Hunn two three four--we walk around the block. There!" |
| Harris se široko nasmiješio. | Harris grinned. |
| "Onda smo fifti-fifti. Ol-po-pol-po. I na kraju će odlučiti jači, jedan između nas dvojice! Na koncu konca, ja sam onaj dio koji misli! Da, tako mi Boga! Da. Čak i da tebe nema, ja bih i dalje mogao misliti!" | "It's a fifty-fifty fight. Even-Stephen. And we'll fight it out, we two! After all, I'm the part that thinks! Yes, by God! yes. Even if I didn't have you, I could still think!" |
| Istoga se časa tigrovska čeljust zavorila kao stupica, i žvaknula mu mozak na pola. Harris je kriknuo. Kosti su ga lubanje čvrsto uhvatile i nabile mu noćne more. Potom je polako, sve vrišteći, njuškom dotakao more i pojeo ih sve jednu po jednu, sve dok nije nestala i posljednja i svjetla se pogasila... | Instantly, a tiger's jaw snapped shut, chewing his brain in half. Harris screamed. The bones of his skull grabbed hold and gave him nightmares. Then slowly, while he shrieked, nuzzled and ate the nightmares one by one, until the last one was gone and the light went out. |
| Pri kraju je tjedna, zbog zdravstvenoga stanja, odgodio i put u Phoenix. Kad se izvagao na automatskoj vagi, vidio je kako crvena strelica polagano klizi i pokazuje na: 75. | At the end of the week he postponed the Phoenix trip because of his health. Weighing himself on a penny scale he saw the slow gliding red arrow point to: 165. |
| Zastenjao je. O, ni 8O nije imao već godinama. Nije moguće da sam izgubio pet kila! Pogledao si je obraze u zrcalu istočkanom muhama. Najednom ga je preplavio hladni, praiskonski užas, i ispunio mu tijelo čudnom sitnom drhtavicom. Ti, ti! Znam što ti je na pameti, tebi! | He groaned. Why, I've weighed 175 for years. I can't have lost ten pounds! He examined his cheeks in the fly-dotted mirror. Cold, primitive fear rushed over him in odd little shivers. You, you! I know what you're about, you! |
| Zatresao je šakama i unio ih sebi u koščato lice, upućujući svoje opaske gornjoj maxilli, donjoj mandibuli, kao i kraniju i cervikalnoj vertebri. | He shook his fist at his bony face, particularly addressing his remarks to his superior maxillary, his inferior maxillary, to his cranium and to his cervical vertebrae. |
| "Ti, prokleti, ti! Misliš da me možeš izgladnjivati, tako da gubim kile, ha? Da mi možeš samo tako ljuštiti meso, dok ne ostanu sama kost i koža? Misliš me fundati, pa da ti budeš glavni, ha? A ne, ne!" | "You damn thing, you! Think you can starve me, make me lose weight, eh? Peel the flesh off, leave nothing, but skin on bone. Trying to ditch me, so you can be supreme, ah? No, no!" |
| Pobjegao je u kafeteriju. | He fled into a cafeteria. |
| Puran, umaci, pire-krumpir, četiri variva i tri slatkiša - pa ipak ništa od toga nije mogao jesti, bilo mu je slabo u želucu. Pokušao se prisiliti. Zaboljeli su ga zubi. Bolesni zubi, ha? pomislio je ljutito. Ma jest ću pa makar mi svi zubi zveketali i meketali i školjocali i kvocali i svi mi ispali u gulaš. | Turkey, dressing, creamed potatoes, four vegetables, three desserts, he could eat none of it, he was sick to his stomach. He forced himself. His teeth began to ache. Bad teeth, is it? he thought angrily. I'll eat in spite of every tooth clanging and banging and rattling so they fall in my gravy. |
| U glavi mu je gorjelo, dah mu je iz stegnutih prsiju letio nutra-van, zubi su mu bijesnili od bola, ali je izvojevao malu pobjedu. Već je htio popiti mlijeko, ali je zastao i izlio ga u vazu vodenoga grbka. Ništa od kalcija, dečko dragi, za tebe nema kalcija. Nikad više neću jesti ni okusiti hranu u kojoj ima kalcija ili kojeg drugog minerala za jačanje kostiju. Od sad ću jesti, dečko moj, samo za jednoga od nas, ne za obojicu. | His head blazed, his breath jerked in and out of a constricted chest, his teeth raged with pain, but he knew one small victory. He was about to drink milk when he stopped and poured it into a vase of nasturtiums. No calcium for you, my boy, no calcium for you. Never again shall I eat foods with calcium or other bonefortifying minerals. I'll eat for one of us, not both, my lad. |
| "Šezdeset i osam kila", rekao je sljedećeg tjedna ženi. "Da li se vidi da sam se promijenio?" | "One hundred and fifty pounds," he said, the following week to his wife. "Do you see how I've changed?" |
| "Nabolje", odgovorila je Clarisse. "Oduvijek si, ljubavi, bio malo pretežak za svoju visinu." Pogladila gaje po bradi. "Sviđa mi se tvoje lice. Sad je mnogo ljepše; crte su mu sada tako čvrste i jake." | "For the better," said Clarisse. "You were always a little plump for your height, darling." She stroked his chin. "I like your face. It's so much nicer; the lines of it are so firm and strong now." |
| "To nisu moje crte, nego njegove, proklet bio! Hoćeš reći da ti se on sviđa više od mene?" | "They're not my lines, they're his, damn him! You mean to say you like him better than you like me?" |
| "On? Koji sad on?" | "Him? Who's 'him'?" |
| U zrcalu dnevne sobe, iza Clarisse, njegova mu je lubanja uzvratila smiješak iza mesnate grimase mržnje i očaja. | In the parlor mirror, beyond Clarisse, his skull smiled back at him behind his fleshy grimace of hatred and despair. |
| Sav se pjeneći, počeo je u usta ubacivati sladne tablete. Kad nije mogao gutati drugu hranu, jedino je tako mogao dobiti na vagi. Clarisse je opazila komadiće slada. | Fuming, he popped malt tablets into his mouth. This was one way of gaining weight when you couldn't keep other foods down. Clarisse noticed the malt pellets. |
| "Ali, ljubavi, zaista, zbog mene se ne moraš opet udebljati", rekla je Clarisse. | "But, darling, really, you don't have to regain the weight for me," she said. |
| O, ušuti! poželio joj je kazati. | Oh, shut up! he felt like saying. |
| Natjerala gaje da legne i položi joj glavu u krilo. "Ljubavi", rekla je. "Promatrala sam te zadnjih dana. Tako si - u strašnom raspoloženju. Ništa ne govoriš, ali kao da te nešto - progoni. Po čitavu se noć bacakaš po postelji. Možda bi trebao otići psihijatru. Ali ja mislim da ti i ja mogu reći sve što i on. Sve sam to složila iz onog što ti se omaklo. I ja ti mogu kazati da ste ti i tvoj kostur jedno te isto, 'jedna nacija, nedjeljiva, sa slobodom i pravdom za sve'. Ujedinjeni ćete se održati, podijeljeni pasti. Ako vas dvojica ne možete ubuduće ostati zajedno kao ostarjeli bračni par, otiđi opet doktoru Burleighu. Ali, prije svega, opusti se. Ušao si u začarani krug; što se više brineš, kosti ti sve više strče, pa se onda još više brineš. I na koncu, tko je izazvao na dvoboj - ti ili taj anonimni entitet koji ti, kako tvrdiš, viri iza ugla probavnog kanala?" | She made him lie with his head in her lap. "Darling," she said, "I've watched you lately. You're so--badly off. You don't say anything, but you look--hunted. You toss in bed at night. Maybe you should go to a psychiatrist. But I think I can tell you everything he would say. I've put it all together from hints you've let escape you. I can tell you that you and your skeleton are one and the same, 'one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.' United you stand, divided you fall. If you two fellows can't get along like an old married couple in the future, go back and see Dr. Burleigh. But, first, relax. You're in a vicious circle; the rnore you worry, the more your bones stick out, the more you worry. After all, who picked this fight--you or that anonymous entity you claim is lurking around behind your alimentary canal?" |
| On je zatvorio oči. "Ja sam to učinio. Mislim da sam to bio ja. Samo nastavi, Clarisse, produži gdje si stala." | He closed his eyes. "I did. I guess I did. Go on Clarisse, keep talking." |
| "Sad se odmori", rekla mu je tiho. "Odmori se i zaboravi." Gospodinu Harrisu pola se dana činilo kao da je na krilima, no onda se ispuhao. Da za sve krivi samo njegovu maštu, činilo se sasvim u redu, pa ipak mu je taj kostur, tako mu Boga, uzvraćao istom mjerom. | "You rest now," she said softly. "Rest and forget." Mr. Harris felt buoyed up for half a day, then he began to sag. It was all very well to blame his imagination, but this particular skeleton, by God, was fighting back. |
| Kasnije tog dana Harris se zaputio prema ordinaciji M. Muniganta. Hodao je pola sata dok nije našao adresu, no onda mu je u oči upalo ime 'M. Munigant' ispisano inicijalima u staroj, napol več sljuštenoj pozlati na staklenoj ploči pred zgradom. I tad mu se učinilo da su mu kosti eksplodirale i otkinule se sa sidra, da gruvaju i eruptiraju od bola. Sav zaslijepljen, samo je oteturao. Kad je ponovno otvorio oči, već je bio iza ugla. Ordinacije M. Muniganta nije bilo na vidiku. | Harris set out for M. Munigant's office late in the day. Walking for half an hour until he found the address, he caught sight of the name "M. Munigant" initialed in ancient, flaking gold on a glass plate outside the building. Then, his bones seemed to explode from their moorings, blasted and erupted with pain. Blinded, he staggered away. When he opened his eyes again he had rounded a corner. M. Munigant's office was out of sight. |
| Bolovi su jenjali. | The pains ceased. |
| M. Munigant je čovjek koji mu može pomoći. Ako je već i sam pogled na njegovo ime mogao izazvati takvu titansku reakciju, onda je on zacijelo pravi. | M. Munigant was the man to help him. If the sight of his name could cause so titanic a reaction of course M. Munigant must be just the man. |
| Ali ne danas. Svaki put kad bi se pokušao vratiti prema njegovoj ordinaciji, obuzeli bi ga užasni bolovi. Sav obliven znojem, na koncu je ipak morao odustati, pa oteturao u koktel-bar. | But, not today. Each time he tried to return to that office, the terrible pains took hold. Perspiring, he had to give up and swayed into a cocktail bar. |
| Dok je prolazio kroz mračni salon, nakratko se upitao ne bi li se dobar dio krivice mogao svaliti na Munigantova pleća. Na koncu, baš mu je on prvi skrenuo posebnu pozornost na njegov kostur i pustio da ga psihološki udar te spoznaje lupi svom silinom! No je li moguće da se M. Munigant njime služi za neku svoju hudu svrhu? Ali kakvu? Doista bi bilo glupo u nj sumnjati. On je samo jedan sitni liječnik. Koji se trudi biti ljudima od pomoći. Munigant i njegova teglica slanih štapića. Smiješno. M. Munigant je u redu, on je u redu... | Moving across the dim lounge, he wondered briefly if a lot of blame couldn't be put on M. Munigant's shoulders. After all, it was Munigant who'd first drawn specific attention to his skeleton, and let the psychological impact of it slam home! Could M. Munigant be using him for some nefarious purpose? But what purpose? Silly to suspect him. Just a little doctor. Trying to be helpful. Munigant and his jar of breadsticks. Ridiculous. M. Munigant was okay, okay . . . |
| U baru je ugledao prizor koji je u njemu pobudio izvjesne nade. Neki krupni, debeli muškarac, zaobljen kao kugla maslaca, stajao je za šankom pa ispijao pivo za pivom. Mislim, tom je, sudeći po izgledu, zaista dobro išlo. Harris je suzbio želju da ustane, pljesne debeljka po ramenu i upita ga kako je uspio svojim kostima jasno odrediti njihovo mjesto. Da, debeljkov je kostur doista bio raskošno uskladišten. Najednom su mjestu bili jastuci masti, na drugom elastične kvrge, a pod bradom pravi zaobljeni svijećnjak masti. Siroti je kostur bio izgubljen; nikad se neće uspjeti probiti iz tog kitovskog sala. Možda je jednom i pokušao - ali ne i sada, kad u debeljku nije ostao ni koštani odjek njegova nadvladanog podupirača. | There was a sight within the cocktail lounge to give him hope. A large, fat man, round as a butterball, stood drinking consecutive beers at the bar. Now there was a successful man. Harris repressed a desire to go up, clap the fat man's shoulder, and inquire as to how he'd gone about impounding his bones. Yes, the fat man's skeleton was luxuriously closeted. There were pillows of fat here, resilient bulges of it there, with several round chandeliers of fat under his chin. The poor skeleton was lost; it could never fight clear of that blubber. It might have tried once--but not now, overwhelmed, not a bony echo of the fat man's supporter remained. |
| Ne bez zavisti, Harris je prišao debeljku onako kako bi prosjekao ispred kljuna oceanskog linijaša, pa naručio piće, popio ga, i tek se tada odvažio obratiti neznancu: | Not without envy, Harris approached the fat man as one might cut across the bow of an ocean liner. Harris ordered a drink, drank it, and then dared to address the fat man: |
| "Žlijezde?" | "Glands?" |
| "Meni govorite?"-upitao je debeljko. | "You talking to me?" asked the fat man. |
| "Ili je to neka posebna dijeta?" upitao je Harris. "Oprostite mi, ali sam ja, kao što vidite, spao na jako niske grane. Nikako da nabijem koju kilu. Volio bih imati vaš želudac. Jeste li ga uzgojili zato što ste se nečeg bojali?" | "Or is there a special diet?" wondered Harris. "I beg your pardon, but, as you see, I'm down. Can't seem to put on any weight. I'd like a stomach like that one of yours. Did you grow it because you were afraid of something?" |
| "Ti si", konstatirao je debeljko, "pijan. Ali - ja volim pijance." Naručio je još jedno piće. "Sad pazi dobro, sve ću ti reći. Sloj po sloj," rekao je debeljko, "dvadeset godina, kao muškarac i momak, to sam izgrađivao." Izbacio je golemu trbušinu, okruglu kao globus, pa stao publiku podučavati gastronomskome zemljopisu. "Nije to bio nikakav cirkus za jedan dan. Nisam ja to preko noći podigao šator nad svim čudima svijeta. Ja sam svoje unutrašnje organe uzgajao kao da su čistokrvni psi, mačke ili druge životinje. Moj je želudac debeli perzijski mačak koji duboko kunja, i tek se povremeno budi da bi malo zapreo, zamjaukao, nešto progunđao ili zajaukao za čokoladnim bombonima. Hranio sam ga dobro, taj bi se za mene uspeo i na dvije noge. I, druškane moj dragi, moja su crijeva najrjeđe čistokrvne indijske anakonde kakve još nisi vidio, i u najsjanijem su, najsmotanijem, najfinijem i najrumenijem zdravlju. Sve ih držim pic-pic, sve te svoje male maze. Zato što se nečega bojim? Možda." | "You," announced the fat man, "are drunk. But--I like drunkards." He ordered more drinks. "Listen close, I'll tell you. Layer by layer," said the fat man, "twenty years, man and boy, I built this." He held his vast stomach like a globe of the world, teaching his audience its gastronomical geography. "It was no overnight circus. The tent was not raised before dawn on the wonders installed within. I have cultivated my inner organs as if they were thoroughbred dogs, cats, and other animals. My stomach is a fat pink Persian torn slumbering, rousing at intervals to purr, mew, growl, and cry for chocolate titbits. I feed it well, it will 'most sit up for me. And, my dear fellow, my intestines are the rarest purebred Indian anacondas you ever viewed in the sleekest, coiled, fine and ruddy health. Keep 'em in prime, I do, all my pets. For fear of something? Perhaps." |
| Viknuo je još jedno piće za sve. | This called for another drink for everyone. |
| "Kako da dobiješ kile?" Debeljko je kušao riječi na jeziku. "Evo kako: Nađi si za ženu nekakvu svadljivu kvočku, i onda još mali milijun rođaka koji znaju iz buhe napraviti vrzino kolo skakutavih slonova. Sve to pospi s malo poslovnih prijatelja kojima je glavni motiv u životu da ti dignu zadnju samotnu funtu, i već si na najboljem putu prema pretilosti. Pa kako to? Tako što ćeš u tren oka između sebe i njih početi zidati zid od sala. Tamponsku epidermalnu državu, stanični bedem. Uskoro ćeš otkriti da ti je žderanje sva sreća u životu. Ali je za to potrebno da te kinji neki vanjski uzrok. Isuviše ljudi na ovome svijetu nema nikakve vanjske brige, pa se onda dohvate sebe, i gube kile. Upoznaj se sa svim opakim, groznim ljudima s kojima možeš, i doskora ćeš početi gomilati dobru staru mast!" | "Gain weight?" The fat man savored the words on his tongue. "Here's what you do: get yourself a quarreling bird of a wife, a baker's dozen of relatives who can flush a covey of troubles out from behind the veriest molehill. Add to these a sprinkling of business associates whose prime motivation is snatching your last lonely quid, and you are well on your way to getting fat. How so? In no time you'll begin subconsciously building fat betwixt yourself and them. A buffer epidermal state, a cellular wall. You'll soon find that eating is the only fun on earth. But one needs to be bothered by outside sources. Too many people in this world haven't enough to worry about, then they begin picking on themselves, and they lose weight. Meet all of the vile, terrible people you can possibly meet, and pretty soon you'll be adding the good old fat!" |
| I s tim savjetom, debeljko se lansirao u mračnu plimu noći, silno se zibajući i sopćući. | And with that advice, the fat man launched himself out into the dark tide of night, swaying mightily and wheezing. |
| "To je, s malim izmjenama, upravo ono što mi je rekao i doktor Burleigh", rekao je Harris zamišljeno. "Možda taj put u Phoenix, sada, u ovo doba..." | "That's exactly what Dr. Burleigh told me, slightly changed," said Harris thoughtfully. "Perhaps that trip to Phoenix, now, at this time--" |
| Put iz Los Angelesa do Phoenixa bio je omaran jer je vodio preko pustinje Mojave, požutjele od vrućine i vruće kao gradele. Promet je bio rijedak i nestalan, i na dugim dionicama puta drugog automobila nije bilo na milje i milje ni sprijeda ni straga. Harrisu su se već kočili prsti na volanu. Bez obzira hoće li mu Creldon, u Phoenixu, posuditi ili ne taj novac potreban da otvori posao, ipak je bilo dobro malo pobjeći od svega, ostaviti za petama što duži put. | The trip from Los Angeles to Phoenix was a sweltering one, crossing, as it did, the Mojave desert on a broiling yellow day. Traffic was thin and inconstant, and for long stretches there would not be a car on the road for miles ahead or behind. Harris twitched his fingers on the steering wheel. Whether or not Creldon, in Phoenix, lent him the money he needed to start his business, it was still a good thing to get away, to put distance behind. |
| Auto je vozio ispiran vrelim rasolom pustinjskoga vjetra. Jedan je gospodin H. sjedio u drugom gospodinu H. Vjerojatno su se obojica znojila. Vjerojatno su se obojica osjećala bijedno. | The car moved in the hot sluice of desert wind. The one Mr. H. sat inside the other Mr. H. Perhaps both perspired. Perhaps both were miserable. |
| U jednom zavoju, onaj unutrašnji gospodin H. stegnuo je vanjsko meso, i bacio onog vanjskog na vrući upravljač. | On a curve, the inside Mr. H. suddenly constricted the outer flesh, causing him to jerk forward on the hot steering wheel. |
| Automobil je frknuo s ceste, zaronio u pijesak i napol se preokrenuo. | The car plunged off the road into boiling sand and turned half over. |
| Dolazi noć, vjetar se diže, cesta je samotna i tiha. Nekoliko automobila što je prošlo, brzo je nastavilo put, jer im je pogled bio zagrađen. Gospodin Harris je ležao u nesvijesti, sve dok napokon nije čuo kako se u pustinji diže vjetar, dok nije osjetio ujede pješčanih iglica na obrazu, i otvorio oči. | Night came, a wind rose, the road was lonely and silent. The few cars that passed went swiftly on their way, their view obstructed. Mr. Harris lay unconscious, until very late he heard a wind rising out of the desert, felt the sting of little sand needles on his cheeks, and opened his eyes. |
| Jutro ga je zateklo kako se, s pijeskom u očima, vrti u besmislenim bezumnim krugovima jer se, u svom deliriju, udaljio od ceste. O podne se prostro u bijednoj sjeni grma. Sunce ga je lupilo oštrim bridom mača i zasjeklo do - kosti. Zakružio je lešinar. | Morning found him gritty-eyed and wandering in thoughtless senseless circles, having, in his delirium, got away from the road. At noon he sprawled in the poor shade of a bush. The sun struck him with a keen sword edge, cutting through to his--bones. A vulture circled. |
| Harrisove su se spržene usne otvorile kao da su se raspukle. "Znači, to je to?" prošaptao je crvenih očiju i čekinjave brade. "Ovako ili onako, natjerat ćeš me da hodam, umoriti glađu, žeđu, ubiti me." Progutao je suhi brusni pijesak. "Sunce će mi iskuhati meso, da ti možeš promoliti nos. Lešinari će me marendavati, i tad ćeš u pijesku ležati ti, i ceriti se. Ceriti se trijumfalno. Kao izblijedjeli rasuti ksilofon, svirat će te lešinari skloni atonalnoj glazbi. To će ti se dopasti. Sloboda." | Harris' parched lips cracked open. "So that's it?" he whispered, red-eyed, bristle-cheeked. "One way or another you'll walk me, starve me, thirst me, kill me." He swallowed dry burrs of dust. "Sun cook off my flesh so you can peek out. Vultures lunch off me, and there you'll lie, grinning. Grinning with victory. Like a bleached xylophone strewn and played by vultures with an ear for odd music. You'd like that. Freedom." |
| Nastavio je koračati kroz krajolik što je titrao i ključao pod izravnim izljevima sunca; spoticao se, padao nauznak, i ostajao ležati i gutati zalogaje vatre. Zrak je bio plavi alkoholni plamen, a lešinari, dok bi kružili ili planirali, pekli su se i dinstali. Phoenix. Cesta. Auto. Voda. Sigurnost. "Hej!" | He walked on through a landscape that shivered and bubbled in the direct pour of sunlight; stumbling, falling flat, lying to feed himself little mouths of fire. The air was blue alcohol flame, and vultures roasted and steamed and glittered as they flew in glides and circles. Phoenix. The road. Car. Water. Safety. "Hey!" |
| Netko je zazvao iz velike daljine, iz plavog alkoholnog plamena. | Someone called from way off in the blue alcohol flame. |
| Gospodin Harris se digao na laktove. | Mr. Harris propped himself up. |
| Zov se ponovio. Škripa koraka, brza. | "Hey!" The call was repeated. A crunching of footsteps, quick. |
| S krikom nevjerojatnog olakšanja, Harris je ustao, ali samo zato da bi se ponovno srušio u zagrljaj nekoga u uniformi sa značkom. | With a cry of unbelievable relief, Harris rose, only to collapse again into the arms of someone in a uniform with a badge. |
| Nakon što je auto bio najprije beskrajno šlepan, a onda popravljen, i Phoenix dostignut, Harris se našao u takvom poganom stanju duha da su se sve poslovne transakcije pretvorile u tupu pantomimu. Čak i kad je dobio zajam i novac imao u šaci, to mu nije značilo ništa. To što je ležalo u njemu kao tvrdi bijeli mač u koricama bacalo je sjenu na poslove, na jelo; bojilo je njegovu ljubav prema Clarisse, činilo nesigurnim njegovo povjerenje u automobil; sve u svemu, trebalo ga je staviti na njegovo mjesto. Onaj incident u pustinji zamalo ga je stajao glave. Zahvatio ga je skoro do kosti - recimo to uz ironično krivljenje usta. Harris je nejasno čuo vlastiti glas kako gospodinu Creldonu zahvaljuje na novcu. Potom je okrenuo auto i povezao se opet preko dugih milja, no ovaj put je presjekao prema San Diegu, kako bi mimoišao pustinjski pojas između El Centra i Beaumonta. Vozio se na sjever, duž obale. Nije vjerovao toj pustinji. Ali - oprez! Praskali su slani valovi, i psikali na žalu pred lagunom. Pijesak, ribe i raci očistili bi mu kosti brže od lešinara. Daj uspori na okukama uz obalu. | The car tediously hauled, repaired, Phoenix reached, Harris found himself in such an unholy state of mind that the business transaction was a numb pantomime. Even when he got the loan and held the money in his hand, it meant nothing. This Thing within him like a hard white sword in a scabbard tainted his business, his eating, colored his love for Clarisse, made it unsafe to trust an automobile; all in all this Thing had to be put in its place. The desert incident had brushed too close. Too near the bone, one might say with an ironic twist of one's mouth. Harris heard himself thanking Mr. Creldon, dimly, for the money. Then he turned his car and motored back across the long miles, this time cutting across to San Diego, so he would miss that desert stretch between El Centro and Beaumont. He drove north along the coast. He didn't trust that desert. But--careful! Salt waves boomed, hissing on the beach outside Laguna. Sand, fish and crustacea would cleanse his bones as swiftly as vultures. Slow down on the curves over the surf. |
| Dođavola, on nije zdrav! | Damn, he was sick! |
| Kome da se obrati? Clarissei? Burleighu? Munigantu? Osteologu. Munigantu. Dakle? | Where to turn? Clarisse? Burleigh? Munigant? Bone specialist. Munigant. Well? |
| "Ljubavi!" Clarisse ga je poljubila. Ustuknuo je pred krutošću zubi i čeljusti skrivene iza strasnoga cjelova. | "Darling!" Clarisse kissed him. He winced at the solidness of the teeth and jaw behind the passionate exchange. |
| "Ljubavi", rekao je on tiho i otro usne zapešćem, sav drhćući. | "Darling," he said, slowly, wiping his lips with his wrist, trembling. |
| "Kako si smršavio; o, ljubavi, a posao..?" | "You look thinner; oh, darling, the business deal--?" |
| "Prošlo je. Mislim. Da, prošlo je." | "It went through. I guess. Yes, it did." |
| Opet ga je poljubila. Potom su večerali, polako i usiljeno veselo, i Clarisse se stalno smijala i bodrila ga. Zurio je u telefon; nekoliko je puta neodlučno podigao slušalicu, pa je opet spustio. | She kissed him again. They ate a slow, falsely cheerful dinner, with Clarisse laughing and encouraging him. He studied the phone; several times he picked it up indecisively, then laid it down. |
| U sobu je ušla njegova žena, pa obukla kaput i stavila šešir. "Mislim, žao mi je, ali moram ići." Uštipnula ga je za obraz. "No daj, malo radosti! Za tri se sata vraćam iz Crvenoga križa. Ti samo lješkari i kunjaj. A sad zaista moram ići." | His wife walked in, putting on her coat and hat. "Well, sorry, but I have to leave." She pinched him on the cheek. "Come on now, cheer up! I'll be back from Red Cross in three hours. You lie around and snooze. I simply have to go." |
| Kad je Clarisse otišla, Harris je nervozno zavrtio brojčanik. | When Clarisse was gone, Harris dialed the phone, nervously. |
| "M. Munigant?" | "M. Munigant?" |
| Eksplozije i mučnina u tijelu, što su nastupili pošto je spustio slušalicu, bili su upravo nevjerojatni. Kosti su mu razdirali svi mogući bolovi, hladni i vrući, kakve nikad nije ni zamislio ni ti doživio ni u najgroznijoj mori. Progutao je sve aspirine u kući, u pokušaju da nekako odbije napad, ali kad se napokon, za otprilike sat vremena, oglasilo zvonce, nije se mogao ni maknuti; ležao je tako slab i iscrpljen, dahćući, a niz obraze su mu se slijevale suze. | The explosions and the sickness in his body after he set the phone down were unbelievable. His bones were racked with every kind of pain, cold and hot, he had ever thought of or experienced in wildest nightmare. He swallowed all the aspirin he could find, in an effort to stave off the assault; but when the doorbell finally rang an hour later, he could not move; he lay weak and exhausted, panting, tears streaming down his cheeks. |
| "Uđite! Za ime Boga, uđite!" | "Come in! Come in, for God's sake!" |
| M. Munigant je ušao. Hvala svecu da su vrata bila otključana. | M. Munigant came in. Thank God the door was unlocked. |
| Ali je gospodin Harris izgledao grozno. M. Munigant je stajao posred dnevne sobe, malen i mračan. Harris mu je kimnuo glavom. Kroz tijelo mu je srnuo bol i dohvatio ga velikim željeznim kladivima i kukama. Kad je ugledao kako su Harrisu iskočile kosti, M. Munigantu su se zasvjetlucale oči. O, on vidi da je gospodin Harris sad psihički spreman da mu se pomogne. Nije li tako? Harris je još jednom kimnuo glavom, slabački, i jecajući. M. Munigant je i dalje pištao u govoru; to pištanje ima nekakve veze s njegovim jezikom. Nije važno. Harrisu se učinilo da mu kroz svjetlucave oči vidi kako se skuplja u sebe, postaje manji. Samo mašta, naravno. Harris je jecajući istresao svoju priču o putu u Phoenix. M. Munigant ga je saslušao s velikim zanimanjem. Taj kostur je - izdajica! Sredit će ga on jednom za svagda! | Oh, but Mr. Harris looked terrible. M. Munigant stood in the center of the living room, small and dark. Harris nodded. The pains rushed through him, hitting him with large iron hammers and hooks. M. Munigant's eyes glittered as he saw Harris' protuberant bones. Ah, he saw that Mr. Harris was now psychologically prepared for aid. Was it not so? Harris nodded again, feebly, sobbing. M. Munigant still whistled when he talked; something about his tongue and the whistling. No matter. Through his shimmering eyes Harris seemed to see M. Munigant shrink, get smaller. Imagination, of course. Harris sobbed out his story of the Phoenix trip. M. Munigant sympathized. This skeleton was a--a traitor! They would fix him for once and for all! |
| "Gospodine Munigant", slabašno je uzdahnuo Harris. "To... to još nikad nisam opazio. Vaš jezik. Okrugao, cjevast. Šupalj? Moje oči. Delirij. Što da činim?" | "Mr. Munigant," sighed Harris, faintly, "I--I never noticed before. Your tongue. Round, tube-like. Hollow? My eyes. Delirious. What do I do?" |
| M. Munigant je tiho zviznuo, procjenjivački, pa se primakao. Ako bi se gospodin Harris izvolio opustiti u naslonjaču, i otvoriti usta? Svjetla su se pogasila. M. Munigant se zapiljio u Harrisovu ovješenu čeljust. Malo šire, molim? Bilo je tako teško, kod onog posljednjeg posjeta, pomoći mu, jer su se bunili i tijelo i kost. Sad je, ako ništa drugo, bar meso spremno na suradnju, makar se kostur i bunio. U tami je M. Munigantov glas postao sitan, sitan, majušan, majušan. A pištanje je postalo visoko i prodorno. Sad. Opustite se, gospodine Harris. SAD! | M. Munigant whistled softly, appreciatively, coming closer. If Mr. Harris would relax in his chair, and open his mouth? The lights were switched off. M. Munigant peered into Harris' dropped jaw. Wider, please? It had been so hard, that first visit, to help Harris, with both body and bone in revolt. Now, he had cooperation from the flesh of the man, anyway, even if the skeleton protested. In the darkness, M. Munigant's voice got small, small, tiny, tiny. The whistling became high and shrill. Now. Relax, Mr. Harris. NOW! |
| Harris je osjetio kako mu najednom nešto sa svih strana divlje tlači čeljust, kako mu nešto kao žlicom pritišće jezik, i kako mu je grlo začepljeno. Uzalud je pokušavao udahnuti. Zvižduk. Nije mogao disati! Nešto se promeškoljilo, usukalo mu obraze, raznijelo čeljusti. Poput vrućega tuša, nešto mu je briznulo u sinuse, a u ušima mu je zazvonilo! "Ahhhh!" kriknuo je Harris i zahliknuo se. Njegova glava, raskoljena kornjačina oklopa, rastreskana, nemoćno je visjela. Kroz pluća mu je sipao vatru užasan bol. | Harris felt his jaw pressed violently in all directions, his tongue depressed as with a spoon, his throat clogged. He gasped for breath. Whistle. He couldn't breathe! Something squirmed, corkscrewed his cheeks out, bursting his jaws. Like a hot-water douche, something squirted into his sinuses, his ears clanged! "Ahhhh!" shrieked Harris, gagging. His head, its carapaces riven, shattered, hung loose. Agony shot fire through his lungs. |
| Harris je na trenutak opet mogao udahnuti. Vodenaste su mu se oči u hipu razrogačile. Kriknuo je. Rebra su mu se rasula kao razvezano pruće. Bol! Srušio se na pod pa ispištao vreli dah. | Harris could breathe again, momentarily. His watery eyes sprang wide. He shouted. His ribs, like sticks picked up and bundled, were loosened in him. Pain! He fell to the floor, wheezing out his hot breath. |
| U neosjetljivim jabučicama zaiskrila su svjetla, osjetio je kako mu se udovi otkidaju i oslobađaju. Kroz bujicu suza ugledao je dnevnu sobu. | Lights flickered in his senseless eyeballs, he felt his limbs swiftly cast loose and free. Through streaming eyes he saw the parlor. |
| U kojoj nije bilo nikoga. | The room was empty. |
| "M. Munigant? Za ime Božje, gdje ste, M. Munigant? Pomozite mi!" | "M. Munigant? In God's name, where are you, M. Munigant? Come help me!" |
| M. Muniganta nije bilo. | M. Munigant was gone. |
| "U pomoć!" | "Help!" |
| A onda je začuo ono. | Then he heard it. |
| Duboko dolje, u podzemnim naprslinama svojega tijela, sitne, nevjerojatne šumove; tiha mljackanja i izvijanja i suha kalanja i brušenja i njuškanja - kao da nekakav sićušni gladni mišić, dolje u krvavo crvenoj tami, glođe tako žustro i stručno ono čega nema, potopljeno drvo..! | Deep down in the subterranean fissures of his body, the minute, unbelievable noises; little smackings and twistings and little dry chippings and grindings and nuzzling sounds--like a tiny hungry mouse down in the red-blooded dimness, gnawing ever so earnestly and expertly at what might have been, but was not, a submerged timber . . . ! |
| Clarisse je, koračajući pločnikom, visoko dizala glavu i stupala ravno prema svojoj kući na Saint James Placeu. Kad je zakrenula za ugao i skoro naletjela na mračnoga čovuljka iz kojeg se širio miris joda, još je razmišljala o Crvenom križu. | Clarisse, walking along the sidewalk, held her head high and marched straight toward her house on Saint James Place. She was thinking of the Red Cross as she turned the corner and almost ran into this little dark man who smelled of iodine. |
| Clarisse se na nj ne bi ni obazrela da on nije, u trenutku kad su se mimoišli, iz kaputa izvadio nešto podugačko, nešto bijelo i na nekakav čudan način poznato, pa to stao žvakati kao slanac. Nakon što mu je proždro krajeve, njegov je neobični jezik sunuo u bijelu slasticu, pa srknuo filu, poprativši to zadovoljnim zvukovima. Neznanac je nastavio žvakati tu deliciju, a ona produžila pločnikom do kuće, okrenula kvaku i ušla. | Clarisse would have ignored him if it were not for the fact that as she passed, he took something long, white and oddly familiar from his coat and proceeded to chew on it, as on a peppermint stick. Its end devoured, his extraordinary tongue darted within the white confection, sucking out the filling, making contented noises. He was still crunching his goody as she proceeded up the sidewalk to her house, turned the doorknob and walked in. |
| "Ljubavi?" zazvala je i osvrnula se sa smiješkom na licu. "Ljubavi, gdje si?" Zatvorila je vrata, pa pošla niz hodnik i ušla u dnevnu sobu. "Ljubavi..." | "Darling?" she called, smiling around. "Darling, where are you?" She shut the door, walked down the hall and into the living room. "Darling. . ." |
| Dvadeset je minuta buljila u pod, pokušavajući shvatiti. | She stared at the floor for twenty seconds, trying to understand. |
| I vrisnula. | She screamed. |
| Vani, u mraku platana, onaj je čovuljak u dugom bijelom štapu izbušio niz neuredno razmaknutih rupica; i onda je, tiho, uzdišući, naškubljenih usana, na tom sklepanom glazbalu zasvirao tužnu melodiju, kao pratnju prodornom i groznom pjevu Clarisseina glasa što se izvijao iz njezina grla dok je tako stajala u dnevnoj sobi. | Outside in the sycamore darkness, the little man pierced a long white stick with intermittent holes; then, softly, sighing, his lips puckered, played a little sad tune upon the improvised instrument to accompany the shrill and awful singing of Clarisse's voice as she stood in the living room. |
| Kao djevojčica je Clarisse mnogo puta, dok bi trčala po pješčanoj plaži, znala nagaziti na meduzu i vrisnuti. I nije bilo ni tako grozno u svojoj dnevnoj sobi pronaći nedirnutu meduzu hladetinaste kože. Čovjek je od nje uvijek mogao ustuknuti. | Many times as a little girl Clarisse had run on the beach sands, stepped on a jellyfish and screamed. It was not so bad, finding an intact, gelatin-skinned jellyfish in one's living room. One could step back from it. |
| Ali je grozno bilo kad ju je ta meduza zazvala imenom... | It was when the jellyfish called you by name . . . |