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| Kad sam izašao, napolju je svitalo. Bilo je prilično hladno, ali prijalo mi je, jer sam se toliko znojio. | WHEN I got outside, it was just getting light out. It was pretty cold, too, but it felt good because I was sweating so much. |
| Nisam znao kuda bih, kog đavola, pošao. Nisam hteo da opet odem u neki hotel i potrošim sav Febin novac. I tako sam na kraju samo otišao do Leksington avenije i uzeo metro do Velike centralne stanice. | I didn't know where the hell to go. I didn't want to go to another hotel and spend all Phoebe's dough. So finally all I did was I walked over to Lexington and took the subway down to Grand Central. |
| Tamo su mi bili koferi i sve, pa sam smislio da odspavam u onoj suludoj čekaonici gde su sve one klupe. Tako sam i uradio. Neko vreme i nije bilo toliko loše jer nije bilo mnogo ljudi pa sam mogao da dignem noge. | My bags were there and all, and I figured I'd sleep in that crazy waiting room where all the benches are. So that's what I did. It wasn't too bad for a while because there weren't many people around and I could stick my feet up. |
| Ali nisam baš nešto raspoložen da pričam o tome. Nije bilo bogzna kako prijatno. Nemojte ni da pokušavate. Najozbiljnije. Deprimiraće vas. | But I don't feel much like discussing it. It wasn't too nice. Don't ever try it. I mean it. It'll depress you. |
| Spavao sam samo do negde oko devet, jer je mali milion ljudi navalio u čekaonicu, pa sam morao da spustim noge. Ne mogu baš da spavam kad su mi noge na podu. Zato sam konačno seo. | I only slept till around nine o'clock because a million people started coming in the waiting room and I had to take my feet down. I can't sleep so hot if I have to keep my feet on the floor. So I sat up. |
| Još sam osećao glavobolju. Čak se pogoršala. A mislim da sam bio potišten gore neko ikad u životu. | I still had that headache. It was even worse. And I think I was more depressed than I ever was in my whole life. |
| Uopšte mi nije bilo do toga, ali počeo sam da razmišljam o starom g. Antoliniju i pitao se šta će reći gđi Antolini kad bude videla da nisam ni spavao tamo. To me, ipak, nije preterano brinulo, jer sam znao da je g. | I didn't want to, but I started thinking about old Mr. Antolini and I wondered what he'd tell Mrs. Antolini when she saw I hadn't slept there or anything. That part didn't worry me too much, though, because I knew Mr. |
| Antolini dovoljno bistar da izmisli nešto. Mogao je da joj kaže da sam otišao kući ili negde. To me nije preterano brinulo. | Antolini was very smart and that he could make up something to tell her. He could tell her I'd gone home or something. That part didn't worry me much. |
| Ali ono što me stvarno brinulo bilo je kako sam se probudio i zatekao ga kako me miluje po glavi i sve. Mislim, pitao sam se da li sam možda pogrešio kad sam pomislio da je to neki pederski fazon. Šta ako on, recimo, možda samo voli da miluje ljude po glavi dok spavaju? | But what did worry me was the part about how I'd woke up and found him patting me on the head and all. I mean I wondered if just maybe I was wrong about thinking be was making a flitty pass at me. I wondered if maybe he just liked to pat guys on the head when they're asleep. |
| Mislim, kako možeš da budeš siguran u takvim stvarima? Ne možeš. Počeo sam čak da se pitam nije li možda trebalo da uzmem kofere i vratim se u njegov stan, kako sam mu i rekao. | I mean how can you tell about that stuff for sure? You can't. I even started wondering if maybe I should've got my bags and gone back to his house, the way I'd said I would. |
| Pomislio sam kako je, čak i da je peder, stvarno bio veoma ljubazan prema meni. Prisetio sam se kako nije zamerio kad sam ga tako kasno pozvao, i kako mi je rekao da odmah dođem do njega ako mi se dolazi. | I mean I started thinking that even if he was a flit he certainly'd been very nice to me. I thought how he hadn't minded it when I'd called him up so late, and how he'd told me to come right over if I felt like it. |
| I kako se polomio da me posavetuje o otkrivanju dimenzija svog duha i sve, i kako je bio jedini koji je uopšte prišao tom dečaku, Džemsu Kastlu, o kome sam vam pričao, kad je ležao mrtav. | And how he went to all that trouble giving me that advice about finding out the size of your mind and all, and how he was the only guy that'd even gone near that boy James Castle I told you about when he was dead. |
| Razmišljao sam o svemu tome. I što sam više mislio o tome, postajao sam sve potišteniji. Počeo sam da mislim kako je možda ipak trebalo da se vratim tamo. | I thought about all that stuff. And the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got. I mean I started thinking maybe I should've gone back to his house. |
| Možda me on stvarno tek onako gladio po glavi. Što sam više mislio o tome, sve sam više tonuo u depresiju. Da bude još gore, oči su me užasno pekle. | Maybe he was only patting my head just for the hell of it. The more I thought about it, though, the more depressed and screwed up about it I got. What made it even worse, my eyes were sore as hell. |
| Pekle su me i bolele od nespavanja. Osim toga, počela je da me hvata kao neka prehlada, a nisam imao čak ni prokletu maramicu. Imao sam neke u koferu, ali mrzelo me da ga vadim iz one kasete i otvaram ga tamo pred svima. | They felt sore and burny from not getting too much sleep. Besides that, I was getting sort of a cold, and I didn't even have a goddam handkerchief with me. I had some in my suitcase, but I didn't feel like taking it out of that strong box and opening it up right in public and all. |
| Na susednoj klupi bio je neki časopis koji je neko ostavio, pa sam počeo da ga čitam, u nadi da će bar na kratko da mi odvuče misli sa g. Antolinija i milion drugih stvari. Ali od tog prokletog članka koji sam počeo da čitam bilo mi je gotovo još gore. Ceo taj članak bio je o hormonima. | There was this magazine that somebody'd left on the bench next to me, so I started reading it, thinking it'd make me stop thinking about Mr. Antolini and a million other things for at least a little while. But this damn article I started reading made me feel almost worse. It was all about hormones. |
| Pisalo je kako bi trebalo da izgledaš, tvoje lice, oči i sve, ako su ti hormoni u dobrom stanju, a ja uopšte nisam tako izgledao. Izgledao sam baš kao neki lik u članku koji pati od loših hormona. I tako sam počeo da se žderem zbog svojih hormona. Onda sam pročitao drugi članak, o tome kako utvrditi da li imaš rak. | It described how you should look, your face and eyes and all, if your hormones were in good shape, and I didn't look that way at all. I looked exactly like the guy in the article with lousy hormones. So I started getting worried about my hormones. Then I read this other article about how you can tell if you have cancer or not. |
| Ako imaš ma kakve ranice u ustima koje ne prolaze brzo, pisalo je, to znači da verovatno imaš rak. Vukao sam neku ranicu na unutrašnjoj strani usne već oko dve nedelje. I tako sam zaključio da sam dobio rak. Taj časopis je stvarno umeo da razgali čoveka. | It said if you had any sores in your mouth that didn't heal pretty quickly, it was a sign that you probably had cancer. I'd had this sore on the inside of my lip for about two weeks. So figured I was getting cancer. That magazine was some little cheerer upper. |
| Na kraju sam prestao da ga čitam i izašao napolje da prošetam. Uvrteo sam da ću umreti za nekoliko meseci jer imam rak. Najozbiljnije. Bio sam čak siguran u to. Što me svakako nije preterano oduševilo. | I finally quit reading it and went outside for a walk. I figured I'd be dead in a couple of months because I had cancer. I really did. I was even positive I would be. It certainly didn't make me feel too gorgeous. |
| Nekako je izgledalo kao da će kiša, ali sam svejedno krenuo u šetnju. Pre svega, smislio sam da bi trebalo da doručkujem. | It sort of looked like it was going to rain, but I went for this walk anyway. For one thing, I figured I ought to get some breakfast. |
| Uopšte nisam bio gladan, ali mislio sam da bi ipak trebalo da pojedem nešto. Mislim, da bar uzmem nešto s nekim vitaminima i sve. I tako sam krenuo ka istočnoj strani, tamo gde su oni jeftini restorani, jer nisam hteo da potrošim mnogo od onih para. | I wasn't at all hungry, but I figured I ought to at least eat something. I mean at least get something with some vitamins in it. So I started walking way over east, where the pretty cheap restaurants are, because I didn't want to spend a lot of dough. |
| Dok sam tako išao, prošao sam pored neka dva lika koji su istovarivali veliku božićnu jelku iz kamiona. Jedan lik je stalno govorio onom drugom: "Diži uvis tu gaduru! | While I was walking, I passed these two guys that were unloading this big Christmas tree off a truck. One guy kept saying to the other guy, "Hold the sonuvabitch up! |
| Diži je uvis!" Bio je to stvarno prekrasan način da se govori o božićnoj jelki. Bilo je i pomalo smešno, na neki kretenski način, pa sam počeo da se kao smejem. | Hold it up, for Chrissake!" It certainly was a gorgeous way to talk about a Christmas tree. It was sort of funny, though, in an awful way, and I started to sort of laugh. |
| To je bilo najgore što sam mogao da uradim, jer mi je u istom trenutku došlo da povratim. Ozbiljno. Čak je i krenulo, ali me prošlo. Ne znam otkud to. Mislim, nisam jeo ništa pokvareno ili nešto, a stomak mi je inače prilično otporan. | It was about the worst thing I could've done, because the minute I started to laugh I thought I was going to vomit. I really did. I even started to, but it went away. I don't know why. I mean I hadn't eaten anything unsanitary or like that and usually I have quite a strong stomach. |
| Sve u svemu, prebrodio sam to, pa sam smislio da će mi sigurno biti bolje ako pojedem nešto. I tako sam ušao u neki restoran koji je dosta jeftino izgledao i naručio krofne i kafu. Samo, nisam pojeo krofne. Nisam mogao da ih gutam, Šta li. | Anyway, I got over it, and I figured I'd feel better if I had something to eat. So I went in this very cheap-looking restaurant and had doughnuts and coffee. Only, I didn't eat the doughnuts. I couldn't swallow them too well. |
| Stvar je u tome što je stravično teško gutati kad si deprimiran zbog nečega. Ipak, kelner je bio veoma ljubazan. Nije ih naplatio. Samo sam popio kafu. Zatim sam izašao i krenuo ka Petoj aveniji. | The thing is, if you get very depressed about something, it's hard as hell to swallow. The waiter was very nice, though. He took them back without charging me. I just drank the coffee. Then I left and started walking over toward Fifth Avenue. |
| Bio je ponedeljak i sve, bližio se Božić, i sve su radnje bile otvorene. Zato nije bilo tako loše šetati Petom avenijom. | It was Monday and all, and pretty near Christmas, and all the stores were open. So it wasn't too bad walking on Fifth Avenue. |
| Božić se osećao na svakom koraku. Na uglovima su stajali oni suviše štrkljasti Božić-bate i zvonili onim zvoncima, kao i devojke Vojske spasa, one što se nikad ne karminišu ili nešto. Gledao sam kao naokolo ne bih li možda video one dve časne sestre koje sam prethodnog dana upoznao za doručkom, ali nisam ih opazio. | It was fairly Christmasy. All those scraggy-looking Santa Clauses were standing on corners ringing those bells, and the Salvation Army girls, the ones that don't wear any lipstick or anything, were ringing bells too. I sort of kept looking around for those two nuns I'd met at breakfast the day before, but I didn't see them. |
| Znao sam da neću, jer su mi rekle kako su došle u Njujork da rade kao učiteljice, ali sam svejedno gledao naokolo. Sve u svemu, najednom se svuda osećao Božić. | I knew I wouldn't, because they'd told me they'd come to New York to be schoolteachers, but I kept looking for them anyway. Anyway, it was pretty Christmasy all of a sudden. |
| Mali milion dece došlo je sa majkama u centar grada, izlazeći iz autobusa i radnji i ulazeći u njih. Poželeo sam da je Feba sa mnom. Ona nije više tako mala da pošašavi u nekom odeljenju igračaka, ali uživa da se malo zeza i posmatra ljude. | A million little kids were downtown with their mothers, getting on and off buses and coming in and out of stores. I wished old Phoebe was around. She's not little enough any more to go stark staring mad in the toy department, but she enjoys horsing around and looking at the people. |
| Pretprošlog Božića vodio sam je u centar da kupuje sa mnom. Lepo nam je bilo. Mislim da smo bili u 'Blumingdejlu'. Otišli smo do odeljenja cipela i pravili se kako Feba hoće da kupi one vrlo duboke cipele s milion rupica za pertle. Baš smo sludeli prodavca. | The Christmas before last I took her downtown shopping with me. We had a helluva time. I think it was in Bloomingdale's. We went in the shoe department and we pretended she―old Phoebe―wanted to get a pair of those very high storm shoes, the kind that have about a million holes to lace up. We had the poor salesman guy going crazy. |
| Feba je probala jedno dvadeset pari i siroti čovek je svaki put morao da joj zašnira cipelu skroz do vrha. Prilično kvarno zezanje, ali Febu je bukvalno oborilo. Na kraju smo kupili par mokasina. Prodavač je svejedno bio veoma ljubazan. Mislim da je znao da se zezamo, jer Feba nije mogla da se ne kikoće. | Old Phoebe tried on about twenty pairs, and each time the poor guy had to lace one shoe all the way up. It was a dirty trick, but it killed old Phoebe. We finally bought a pair of moccasins and charged them. The salesman was very nice about it. I think he knew we were horsing around, because old Phoebe always starts giggling. |
| Sve u svemu, hodao sam i hodao Petom avenijom, onako bez kravate ili nečega. A onda je, iz čista mira, počelo nešto vrlo sablasno da se dešava. | Anyway, I kept walking and walking up Fifth Avenue, without any tie on or anything. Then all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. |
| Kad god bih stigao do kraja bloka i sišao s prokletog ivičnjaka, činilo mi se da nikad neću stići na drugu stranu ulice. Činilo mi se da samo tonem, tonem, tonem i da me više niko nikada neće videti. Ljudi moji, kako me to prepalo. | Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I'd never get to the other side of the street. I thought I'd just go down, down, down, and nobody'd ever see me again. Boy, did it scare me. |
| Pojma nemate. Počeo sam da se znojim kao skot - sva mi se košulja oznojila, i rublje i sve. Onda sam počeo da radim nešto drugo. Kad god bih stigao do kraja bloka, uobrazio bih da razgovaram s mojim bratom Elijem. Govorio sam mu: "Eli, ne daj da nestanem. | You can't imagine. I started sweating like a bastard―my whole shirt and underwear and everything. Then I started doing something else. Every time I'd get to the end of a block I'd make believe I was talking to my brother Allie. I'd say to him, "Allie, don't let me disappear. |
| Eli, ne daj da nestanem. Eli, ne daj da nestanem. Molim te, Eli." A onda, kad bih stigao na drugu stranu ulice, zahvaljivao sam mu. Zatim bi sve počelo iznova, čim bih došao do sledećeg ćoška. | Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie, don't let me disappear. Please, Allie." And then when I'd reach the other side of the street without disappearing, I'd thank him. Then it would start all over again as soon as I got to the next corner. |
| Ali ipak sam išao dalje i sve. Nekako sam se kao plašio da stanem - i ne sećam se, u suštini. Znam da nisam stao sve dok nisam došao skroz negde do Šezdesete ulice, kad sam već prošao Zoološki vrt i sve. Onda sam seo na neku klupu. Jedva sam došao do daha, a još sam se i tako odvratno znojio. | But I kept going and all. I was sort of afraid to stop, I think―I don't remember, to tell you the truth. I know I didn't stop till I was way up in the Sixties, past the zoo and all. Then I sat down on this bench. I could hardly get my breath, and I was still sweating like a bastard. |
| Sedeo sam tu jedno sat vremena. Na kraju, šta sam rešio da uradim - rešio sam da odem. | I sat there, I guess, for about an hour. Finally, what I decided I'd do, I decided I'd go away. |
| Rešio sam da se nikad više ne vratim kući i da nikad više ne idem ni u kakvu školu. Rešio sam samo još da vidim Febu i oprostim se kao s njom, i vratim joj njen božični novac, a onda krenem auto-stopom na Zapad. | I decided I'd never go home again and I'd never go away to another school again. I decided I'd just see old Phoebe and sort of say good-by to her and all, and give her back her Christmas dough, and then I'd start hitchhiking my way out West. |
| Smislio sam šta ću - da odem lepo do Holand tunela i ustopiram nekog, zatim još nekog, pa još nekog i još nekog, i za dva-tri dana biću negde na Zapadu gde je sve tako lepo i toplo i gde me niko ne poznaje, pa ću da nađem neki posao. | What I'd do, I figured, I'd go down to the Holland Tunnel and bum a ride, and then I'd bum another one, and another one, and another one, and in a few days I'd be somewhere out West where it was very pretty and sunny and where nobody'd know me and I'd get a job. |
| Smislio sam da bih mogao da se zaposlim negde na benzinskoj pumpi, da ljudima sipam benzin i ulje u kola. Bilo mi je u suštini svejedno kakav je taj posao. | I figured I could get a job at a filling station somewhere, putting gas and oil in people's cars. I didn't care what kind of job it was, though. |
| Samo da me niko ne zna i da ja nikog ne poznajem. Smislio sam šta ću - praviću se da sam kao gluvonem. Tako ne bih morao ni sa kim da vodim nikakve proklete glupe besmislene razgovore. | Just so people didn't know me and I didn't know anybody. I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody. |
| Ako iko bude hteo nešto da mi kaže, moraće to da napiše na parčetu papira i gurne mi ga pod nos. To će im, posle nekog vremena, stravično dosaditi, i tako ću se do kraja života rešiti svih razgovora. | If anybody wanted to tell me something, they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life. |
| Svi će misliti da sam samo jadni gluvonemi skot i ostaviće me na miru. Puštaće me da sipam benzin i ulje u njihova glupa kola i plaćaće mi za to i sve, pa ću negde sagraditi neku malu kolibu od tih para i tu živeti do kraja života. | Everybody'd think I was just a poor deaf-mute bastard and they'd leave me alone. They'd let me put gas and oil in their stupid cars, and they'd pay me a salary and all for it, and I'd build me a little cabin somewhere with the dough I made and live there for the rest of my life. |
| Sagradiću je odmah pored šume, ali ne baš u samoj šumi, jer hoću da uvek bude maksimalno sunčana. Sam ću da kuvam hranu za sebe, a kasnije, ako budem hteo da se oženim, naći ću neku mnogo lepu devojku koja je takođe gluvonema, pa ćemo se uzeti. | I'd build it right near the woods, but not right in them, because I'd want it to be sunny as hell all the time. I'd cook all my own food, and later on, if I wanted to get married or something, I'd meet this beautiful girl that was also a deaf-mute and we'd get married. |
| Ona će doći i živeće u mojoj kolibi sa mnom i, ako bude htela nešto da mi kaže, moraće to i da napiše na prokletom papiru, kao i svi drugi. Ako budemo imali dece, sakrićemo ih negde. Kupićemo im puno knjiga i sami ćemo ih učiti da čitaju i pišu. | She'd come and live in my cabin with me, and if she wanted to say anything to me, she'd have to write it on a goddam piece of paper, like everybody else. If we had any children, we'd hide them somewhere. We could buy them a lot of books and teach them how to read and write by ourselves. |
| Stravično sam se uzbudio razmišljajući o tome. Najozbiljnije. Znao sam da je ono sa izigravanjem gluvonemog suludo, ali svejedno mi je bilo lepo da razmišljam o tome. Ali stvarno sam rešio da odem na Zapad i sve. | I got excited as hell thinking about it. I really did. I knew the part about pretending I was a deaf-mute was crazy, but I liked thinking about it anyway. But I really decided to go out West and all. |
| Samo sam hteo da se prethodno oprostim sa Febom. I tako sam odjednom sumanuto pretrčao ulicu - malo je falilo da poginem usput - i ušao u neku papirnicu gde sam kupio blok i olovku. | All I wanted to do first was say good-by to old Phoebe. So all of a sudden, I ran like a madman across the street―I damn near got killed doing it, if you want to know the truth―and went in this stationery store and bought a pad and pencil. |
| Smislio sam da joj napišem poruku gde da se nađemo, tako da mogu da se oprostim s njom i vratim joj njen božični novac, a onda odnesem poruku u njenu školu i nađem nekog u zbornici da joj preda. | I figured I'd write her a note telling her where to meet me so I could say good-by to her and give her back her Christmas dough, and then I'd take the note up to her school and get somebody in the principal's office to give it to her. |
| Ali samo sam gurnuo blok i olovku u džep i uputio se ogromnom brzinom ka njenoj školi - bio sam suviše uzbuđen da bih napisao poruku u toj papirnici. | But I just put the pad and pencil in my pocket and started walking fast as hell up to her school―I was too excited to write the note right in the stationery store. |
| Žurio sam, jer sam hteo da primi poruku pre nego što ode kući na ručak, a nije ostalo baš mnogo vremena. | I walked fast because I wanted her to get the note before she went home for lunch, and I didn't have any too much time. |
| Znao sam, naravno, gde je njena škola, jer sam kao dete i ja išao u nju. Čudno je bilo kad sam ušao tamo. Nisam bio siguran da ću se setiti kako izgleda unutra, ali setio sam se. Sve je bilo potpuno isto kao i kad sam ja išao u nju. | I knew where her school was, naturally, because I went there myself when I was a kid. When I got there, it felt funny. I wasn't sure I'd remember what it was like inside, but I did. It was exactly the same as it was when I went there. |
| Unutra je bilo isto veliko dvorište, uvek pomalo mračno, s onim metalnim mrežama oko sijalica, da se ne bi razbile ako ih pogodi lopta. | They had that same big yard inside, that was always sort of dark, with those cages around the light bulbs so they wouldn't break if they got hit with a ball. |
| Svuda naokolo bili su iscrtani isti beli krugovi, za razne igre i ostalo. I isti oni stari obruči za košarku, bez mrežica - samo table i obruči. | They had those same white circles painted all over the floor, for games and stuff. And those same old basketball rings without any nets―just the backboards and the rings. |
| Nikoga nije bilo jer još nije bio odmor, a nije bilo ni vreme ručka. Video sam samo jednog crnog dečkića koji je išao u toalet. | Nobody was around at all, probably because it wasn't recess period, and it wasn't lunchtime yet. All I saw was one little kid, a colored kid, on his way to the bathroom. |
| Iz džepa mu je virila ona drvena tablica, ista kakve smo i mi nekad imali, koja je služila kao propusnica za odlazak u toalet. | He had one of those wooden passes sticking out of his hip pocket, the same way we used to have, to show he had permission and all to go to the bathroom. |
| Još sam se znojio, ali ne toliko strašno. Otišao sam do stepenica, seo na prvi stepenik i izvadio onaj blok i olovku. Stepenice su vonjale isto kao i kad sam ja išao tu. Kao da se neko popisao na njih. Školske stepenice uvek tako vonjaju. | I was still sweating, but not so bad any more. I went over to the stairs and sat down on the first step and took out the pad and pencil I'd bought. The stairs had the same smell they used to have when I went there. Like somebody'd just taken a leak on them. School stairs always smell like that. |
| Sve u svemu, seo sam i napisao tu poruku: Draga Febo, ne mogu više da čekam do srede pa ću verovatno krenuti popodne auto-stopom na Zapad. Dođi pred ulaz u Muzej umetnosti u 12 i petnaest ako možeš, da ti vratim tvoj božični novac. Nisam mnogo potrošio. | Anyway, I sat there and wrote this note: DEAR PHOEBE, I can't wait around till Wednesday any more so I will probably hitch hike out west this afternoon. Meet me at the Museum of art near the door at quarter past 12 if you can and I will give you your Christmas dough back. I didn't spend much. |
| Voli te, Holden | Love, HOLDEN |
| Njena škola je bila bukvalno pored muzeja, a ionako je morala da prođe pored njega kad krene na ručak, pa sam znao da će lako da me nađe. | Her school was practically right near the museum, and she had to pass it on her way home for lunch anyway, so I knew she could meet me all right. |
| Onda sam pošao uz stepenice ka zbornici, da predam poruku nekom ko bi joj odneo u učionicu. Presavio sam je jedno deset puta, da je niko ne otvori. Teško je ikome verovati u prokletoj školi. Ali znao sam da će joj predati poruku, pošto sam joj brat i sve. | Then I started walking up the stairs to the principal's office so I could give the note to somebody that would bring it to her in her classroom. I folded it about ten times so nobody'd open it. You can't trust anybody in a goddam school. But I knew they'd give it to her if I was her brother and all. |
| Međutim, dok sam se peo uz stepenice, najednom mi je ponovo došlo da povratim. Ali nisam. Seo sam na trenutak, i onda mi je bilo bolje. Dok sam tako sedeo, video sam nešto što me iznerviralo. Neko je na zidu napisao "Jebi se". To me stvarno iznerviralo. | While I was walking up the stairs, though, all of a sudden I thought I was going to puke again. Only, I didn't. I sat down for a second, and then I felt better. But while I was sitting down, I saw something that drove me crazy. Somebody'd written "Fuck you" on the wall. It drove me damn near crazy. |
| Pomislio sam kako će to Feba i ostali klinci videti, i kako će da se pitaju kog to đavola znači, a onda će na kraju neki mali skot da im kaže - sve naopako, naravno - i kako će svi oni da misle o tome, pa će možda čak i da brinu nekoliko dana zbog toga. | I thought how Phoebe and all the other little kids would see it, and how they'd wonder what the hell it meant, and then finally some dirty kid would tell them―all cockeyed, naturally―what it meant, and how they'd all think about it and maybe even worry about it for a couple of days. |
| Došlo mi je da ubijem onog ko je to napisao. | I kept wanting to kill whoever'd written it. |
| Zamišljao sam da je to neki perverzni klošar koji se noću ušunjao u školu da se popisa ili nešto, i onda to napisao na zidu. Zamišljao sam kako ga hvatam na delu i treskam mu glavu o stepenice sve dok ga ne umlatim. Ali znao sam da ne bih imao petlje za to. Znao sam to. | I figured it was some perverty bum that'd sneaked in the school late at night to take a leak or something and then wrote it on the wall. I kept picturing myself catching him at it, and how I'd smash his head on the stone steps till he was good and goddam dead and bloody. But I knew, too, I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I knew that. |
| Što me još više deprimiralo. Jedva sam skupio hrabrost da to rukom izbrišem sa zida, ako baš hoćete da znate. Bojao sam se da me neki učitelj ne uhvati kako to brišem, pa da pomisli kako sam ja to napisao. Ali svejedno sam to izbrisao, na kraju. Onda sam se popeo do zbornice. | That made me even more depressed. I hardly even had the guts to rub it off the wall with my hand, if you want to know the truth. I was afraid some teacher would catch me rubbing it off and would think I'd written it. But I rubbed it out anyway, finally. Then I went on up to the principal's office. |
| Direktor izgleda nije bio tu, ali je za pisaćom mašinom sedela neka stara dama koja je imala bar sto godina. Rekao sam joj da sam brat Febe Kolfild iz četvrtog B-l i zamolio je da preda Febi poruku. | The principal didn't seem to be around, but some old lady around a hundred years old was sitting at a typewriter. I told her I was Phoebe Caulfield's brother, in 4B-1, and I asked her to please give Phoebe the note. |
| Rekao sam da je veoma važno, jer mi je majka bolesna i neće moći da spremi ručak za Febu, tako da ona treba da se nađe sa mnom, da ručamo u dragstoru. Bila je veoma ljubazna, ta stara dama. | I said it was very important because my mother was sick and wouldn't have lunch ready for Phoebe and that she'd have to meet me and have lunch in a drugstore. She was very nice about it, the old lady. |
| Uzela je poruku i pozvala neku drugu damu, iz susedne kancelarije, pa je ta druga otišla da je preda Febi. Onda smo ta stara dama od sto godina i ja odvojili neki razgovor. Stvarno je bila ljubazna, i rekao sam joj kako sam i ja išao u tu školu, i moja braća. | She took the note off me and called some other lady, from the next office, and the other lady went to give it to Phoebe. Then the old lady that was around a hundred years old and I shot the breeze for a while, She was pretty nice, and I told her how I'd gone there to school, too, and my brothers. |
| Pitala me u koju školu sada idem, pa sam joj rekao u Pensi, a ona je rekla da je Pensi veoma dobra škola. Čak i da sam to hteo, ne bih imao snage da je razuverim. | She asked me where I went to school now, and I told her Pencey, and she said Pencey was a very good school. Even if I'd wanted to, I wouldn't have had the strength to straighten her out. |
| Osim toga, ako je već mislila da je Pensi veoma dobra škola, neka to i dalje misli. Zaista je teško pričati nove stvari nekome ko je već sto godina star. Takvi to ne vole da slušaju. Onda sam, posle nekog vremena, otišao. | Besides, if she thought Pencey was a very good school, let her think it. You hate to tell new stuff to somebody around a hundred years old. They don't like to hear it. Then, after a while, I left. |
| Čudno je bilo. Doviknula mi je "Srećno!" na isti način kao i stari Spenser kad sam odlazio iz Pensija. Ludi moji, kako mrzim kad mi neko dovikuje "Srećno!" dok odlazim nekud. To stvarno deprimira. | It was funny. She yelled "Good luck!" at me the same way old Spencer did when I left Pencey. God, how I hate it when somebody yells "Good luck!" at me when I'm leaving somewhere. It's depressing. |
| Sišao sam drugim stepeništem i video još jedno "Jebi se" na zidu. Ponovo sam pokušao da ga obrišem rukom, ali ovo je bilo urezano, nožem ili nečim. Nije moglo da se skine. | I went down by a different staircase, and I saw another "Fuck you" on the wall. I tried to rub it off with my hand again, but this one was scratched on, with a knife or something. It wouldn't come off. |
| Ionako je beznadežno. Da imaš i milion godina za to, ne bi izbrisao čak ni polovinu svih "Jebi se" na ovom svetu. Nemoguće je. | It's hopeless, anyway. If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible. |
| Pogledao sam na sat u dvorištu i bilo je tek dvadeset do dvanaest, pa mi je ostalo još dosta vremena do sastanka sa Febom. Ali svejedno sam otišao pravo do muzeja. Nisam ni imao kuda da odem. | I looked at the clock in the recess yard, and it was only twenty to twelve, so I had quite a lot of time to kill before I met old Phoebe. But I just walked over to the museum anyway. There wasn't anyplace else to go. |
| Pomislio sam da možda svratim u neku govornicu i okrenem staru Džejn Galager pre nego što krenem u skitnju ka Zapadu, ali nisam bio nešto raspoložen za to. Pre svega, nisam čak ni bio siguran da je došla kući za raspust. Na kraju sam samo otišao do muzeja. | I thought maybe I might stop in a phone booth and give old Jane Gallagher a buzz before I started bumming my way west, but I wasn't in the mood. For one thing, I wasn't even sure she was home for vacation yet. So I just went over to the museum, and hung around. |
| Dok sam tako čekao Febu u muzeju, odmah kod ulaza, prišla su mi neka dva klinca i pitala me znam li gde su mumije. Manji dečak, taj što me je pitao, imao je otvoren šlic. | While I was waiting around for Phoebe in the museum, right inside the doors and all, these two little kids came up to me and asked me if I knew where the mummies were. The one little kid, the one that asked me, had his pants open. |
| Rekao sam mu to. Zakopčao ga je tu, dok je razgovarao sa mnom - nije se potrudio čak ni da ode iza stuba ili negde. | I told him about it. So he buttoned them up right where he was standing talking to me―he didn't even bother to go behind a post or anything. |
| Oborio me. Smejao bih se, ali plašio sam se da mi opet ne dođe da povratim, pa nisam. "Gde su mumije, šefe?" ponovio je dečak. "Je l' znaš?" | He killed me. I would've laughed, but I was afraid I'd feel like vomiting again, so I didn't. "Where're the mummies, fella?" the kid said again. "Ya know?" |
| Zezao sam se malo s njima. "Mumije? Šta mu je to?" pitao sam ga. | I horsed around with the two of them a little bit. "The mummies? What're they?" I asked the one kid. |
| "Ma znaš. Mumije - oni mrtvi likovi. Oni što ih meću u one srakofage i sve." | "You know. The mummies―them dead guys. That get buried in them toons and all." |
| Srakofage. To me oborilo. Mislio je sarkofage. | Toons. That killed me. He meant tombs. |
| "Kako to da vas dvojica niste u školi?" rekao sam. | "How come you two guys aren't in school?" I said. |
| "Nema danas škole", rekao je klinac koji sve vreme pričao. Lagao je, glavu bih dao, lopužica. | "No school t'day," the kid that did all the talking said. He was lying, sure as I'm alive, the little bastard. |
| Nisam imao šta drugo da radim dok ne dođe Feba, pa sam im pomogao da nađu mesto gde su mumije. Ljudi moji, nekada sam tačno znao gde se nalaze, ali već godinama nisam bio u tom muzeju. | I didn't have anything to do, though, till old Phoebe showed up, so I helped them find the place where the mummies were. Boy, I used to know exactly where they were, but I hadn't been in that museum in years. |
| "Vas dvojicu znači zanimaju mumije?" | "You two guys so interested in mummies?" I said. |
| "Aha." | "Yeah." |
| "Šta, tvoj drugar ne zna da govori?" rekoh. | "Can't your friend talk?" I said. |
| "Nije mi to drugar. To mi je brat." | "He ain't my friend. He's my brudda." |
| "Zar ne zna da govori?" pogledao sam u onog što nije progovarao. "Umeš li ti da govoriš?" upitao sam ga. | "Can't he talk?" I looked at the one that wasn't doing any talking. "Can't you talk at all?" I asked him. |
| "Aha", rekao je. "Ali mrzi me." | "Yeah," he said. "I don't feel like it." |
| Na kraju smo našli mesto gde su mumije i ušli unutra. | Finally we found the place where the mummies were, and we went in. |
| "Znaš li kako su Egipćani sahranjivali mrtve?" upitao sam jednog od njih. "A." | "You know how the Egyptians buried their dead?" I asked the one kid. |
| "A- a." | "Naa." |
| "E pa trebalo bi. Stvarno je zanimljivo. Umotavali su im lica platnom koje je bilo natopljeno nekom tajnom hemikalijom. | "Well, you should. It's very interesting. They wrapped their faces up in these cloths that were treated with some secret chemical. |
| Tako su mogli da leže hiljadama godina, sahranjeni u tim sarkofazima, a da im lica uopšte ne istrunu ili nešto. Niko osim Egipćana ne zna kako se to radi. Čak ni moderna nauka." | That way they could be buried in their tombs for thousands of years and their faces wouldn't rot or anything. Nobody knows how to do it except the Egyptians. Even modern science." |
| Da bi se došlo do mesta gde su mumije, trebalo je da se prođe kroz neki veoma uzak hodnik uz čije zidove je bilo kamenje koje je izvađeno direktno iz faraonove grobnice i sve. Bilo je prilično sablasno i videlo se da ta dva šmekera s kojima sam išao ne uživaju baš preterano u tome. | To get to where the mummies were, you had to go down this very narrow sort of hall with stones on the side that they'd taken right out of this Pharaoh's tomb and all. It was pretty spooky, and you could tell the two hot-shots I was with weren't enjoying it too much. |
| Sasvim su se stisli uz mene, a onaj što je samo ćutao bukvalno mi se držao za rukav. | They stuck close as hell to me, and the one that didn't talk at all practically was holding onto my sleeve. |
| "Ajmo", rekao je bratu. "Već sam ih vido. Ajmo, ej." Okrenuo se i zbrisao. | "Let's go," he said to his brother. "I seen 'em awreddy. C'mon, hey." He turned around and beat it. |
| "Usr'o se od straha", rekao je drugi. "Doviđenja!" I on je zbrisao. | "He's got a yella streak a mile wide," the other one said. "So long!" He beat it too. |
| Tako sam ostao potpuno sam u grobnici. Dopalo mi se, na neki način. Bilo je tako lepo i tiho. | I was the only one left in the tomb then. I sort of liked it, in a way. It was so nice and peaceful. |
| A onda, nikad ne biste pogodili šta sam, najednom, video na zidu. Još jedno "Jebi se". Bilo je naškrabano crvenom kredom ili nečim, odmah ispod staklene vitrine na zidu, ispod onog kamenja. | Then, all of a sudden, you'd never guess what I saw on the wall. Another "Fuck you." It was written with a red crayon or something, right under the glass part of the wall, under the stones. |
| U tome je sva nevolja. Nigde ne možeš da nađeš neko lepo i tiho mesto, jer takva ne postoje. Možeš da misliš da postoje, ali kad jednom stigneš tamo, neko će da se prišunja dok ne gledaš, i naškraba ti ispred nosa "Jebi se". | That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. |
| Probajte i sami. Ako ikad umrem i strpaju me u neko groblje, sa nadgrobnim spomenikom, na kome će pisati "Holden Kolfild", pa onda koje sam godine rođen i koje sam godine umro, mislim da će odmah ispod toga stajati "Jebi se". Ubeđen sam u to, u suštini. | Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive, in fact. |
| Kada sam izašao iz tog dela gde su mumije, morao sam da odem u toalet. Imao sam kao neki proliv, ako baš hoćete da znate. | After I came out of the place where the mummies were, I had to go to the bathroom. I sort of had diarrhea, if you want to know the truth. |
| Nije mi toliko smetalo to sa prolivom, ali desilo se nešto drugo. Kad sam izašao iz klozeta, baš pre nego što sam došao do vrata, nekako sam se onesvestio, šta li. Ipak, imao sam sreće. | I didn't mind the diarrhea part too much, but something else happened. When I was coming out of the can, right before I got to the door, I sort of passed out. I was lucky, though. |
| Mislim, mogao sam da se ubijem kad sam pao na pod, ali samo sam se nekako srozao na stranu. Ali čudno je ispalo. Bolje mi je bilo posle tog pada u nesvest. Ozbiljno. Ruka me je kao bolela, tamo gde sam pao na nju, ali nije me više mučila ona prokleta vrtoglavica. | I mean I could've killed myself when I hit the floor, but all I did was sort of land on my side. It was a funny thing, though. I felt better after I passed out. I really did. My arm sort of hurt, from where I fell, but I didn't feel so damn dizzy any more. |
| Tada je bilo negde oko dvanaest i deset, pa sam se vratio, stao kraj ulaza i čekao Febu. Pomislio sam kako bi to moglo da bude poslednji put da je vidim. Bilo koga od mojih, mislim. Smislio sam da ću ih verovatno jednom videti, ali tek posle mnogo godina. | It was about ten after twelve or so then, and so I went back and stood by the door and waited for old Phoebe. I thought how it might be the last time I'd ever see her again. Any of my relatives, I mean. I figured I'd probably see them again, but not for years. |
| Mogao bih da dođem kući kad mi bude jedno trideset pet godina, smislio sam, u slučaju da se neko razboli i poželi da me vidi pre nego što umre, ali bi to bio jedini razlog da napustim svoju kolibu i vratim se. | I might come home when I was about thirty-five. I figured, in case somebody got sick and wanted to see me before they died, but that would be the only reason I'd leave my cabin and come back. |
| Počeo sam čak da zamišljam kako će biti kad se vratim. Znao sam da bi se majka stravično uzbudila i počela da plače i moli me da ostanem kod kuće i ne odlazim u svoju kolibu, ali ja bih svejedno otišao. | I even started picturing how it would be when I came back. I knew my mother'd get nervous as hell and start to cry and beg me to stay home and not go back to my cabin, but I'd go anyway. |
| Bio bih stravično ležeran. Naterao bih je da se smiri, a onda bih prešao na drugi kraj dnevne sobe, uzeo cigaretu iz one stone tabakere i pripalio je, mrtav hladan. | I'd be casual as hell. I'd make her calm down, and then I'd go over to the other side of the living room and take out this cigarette case and light a cigarette, cool as all hell. |
| Pozvao bi sve njih da me jednom posete, ako to žele, ali ne bih insistirao ili nešto. Šta bih uradio - pustio bih Febu da me poseti preko leta i za vreme božičnih i uskršnjih praznika. | I'd ask them all to visit me sometime if they wanted to, but I wouldn't insist or anything. What I'd do, I'd let old Phoebe come out and visit me in the summertime and on Christmas vacation and Easter vacation. |
| Pustio bih i D.B.-a da me poseti na neko vreme, ako mu treba lepo i tiho mesto za pisanje, ali ne bi smeo da piše nikakva scenarija za filmove, već samo priče i romane. Zaveo bih pravilo da niko ne sme da radi ništa lažno i isfolirano dok je kod mene u poseti. Ako bi iko pokušao da uradi nešto u tom stilu, ne bi mogao da ostane. | And I'd let D.B. come out and visit me for a while if he wanted a nice, quiet place for his writing, but he couldn't write any movies in my cabin, only stories and books. I'd have this rule that nobody could do anything phony when they visited me. If anybody tried to do anything phony, they couldn't stay. |
| Iznenada sam pogledao na sat u garderobi na ulazu i video da je već dvadeset pet do jedan. Počeo sam da se plašim kako je ona stara dama u školi možda rekla onoj drugoj da ne preda Febi poruku. | All of a sudden I looked at the clock in the checkroom and it was twenty-five of one. I began to get scared that maybe that old lady in the school had told that other lady not to give old Phoebe my message. |
| Počeo sam da se plašim kako joj je možda rekla da je spali ili nešto. Stvarno sam se isprepadao. Baš sam želeo da vidim Febu pre nego što izađem na put. | I began to get scared that maybe she'd told her to burn it or something. It really scared hell out of me. I really wanted to see old Phoebe before I hit the road. I mean I had her Christmas dough and all. |
| Mislim, kod mene je bio njen božični novac i sve. Najzad sam je ugledao. Video sam je kroz staklo na vratima. Uočio sam je zato što je imala onu suludu lovačku kapu na glavi - ta kapa se videla na kilometar. | Finally, I saw her. I saw her through the glass part of the door. The reason I saw her, she had my crazy hunting hat on―you could see that hat about ten miles away. |
| Izašao sam iz muzeja i krenuo joj u susret niz one kamene stepenice. Ono što nisam mogao da shvatim bio je veliki kofer koji je vukla. Prelazila je preko Pete avenije i teglila tu prokletu koferčinu. Jedva ga je vukla. | I went out the doors and started down these stone stairs to meet her. The thing I couldn't understand, she had this big suitcase with her. She was just coming across Fifth Avenue, and she was dragging this goddam big suitcase with her. She could hardly drag it. |
| Kad sam se približio, video sam da je to moj stari kofer, onaj koji sam nosio kad sam bio u Hutonu. Uopšte mi nije bilo jasno zašto ga tegli. "Zdravo", rekla je kad sam joj prišao. Potpuno je ostala bez daha od tog suludog kofera. | When I got up closer, I saw it was my old suitcase, the one I used to use when I was at Whooton. I couldn't figure out what the hell she was doing with it. "Hi," she said when she got up close. She was all out of breath from that crazy suitcase. |
| "Već sam pomislio da možda nećeš doći", rekoh. "Šta to vučeš u tom koferu? Meni ništa ne treba. Idem ovako, bez stvari, neću ni da uzimam one kofere sa stanice. Šta to vučeš?" | "I thought maybe you weren't coming," I said. "What the hell's in that bag? I don't need anything. I'm just going the way I am. I'm not even taking the bags I got at the station. What the hellya got in there?" |
| Spustila je kofer. "Moje stvari", rekla je. "Idem s tobom. Mogu li? Važi?" | She put the suitcase down. "My clothes," she said. "I'm going with you. Can I? Okay?" |
| "Šta?" rekoh. Samo što se nisam srušio kad je to rekla, kunem se. Malo mi se zavrtelo, pa sam pomislio da ću opet da se onesvestim ili nešto. | "What?" I said. I almost fell over when she said that. I swear to God I did. I got sort of dizzy and I thought I was going to pass out or something again. |
| "Spustila sam se pomoćnim liftom, da me ne vidi Šarlin. Nije težak. Unutra su samo dve haljine i moje mokasine i malo veša i čarape i još neke stvari. Probaj. Nije težak. | "I took them down the back elevator so Charlene wouldn't see me. It isn't heavy. All I have in it is two dresses and my moccasins and my underwear and socks and some other things. Feel it. It isn't heavy. |
| Probaj samo... Mogu li da pođem s tobom? Holdene? Mogu li? Molim te" | Feel it once ... Can't I go with you? Holden? Can't I? Please." |
| "Ne. Umukni." | "No. Shut up." |
| Činilo mi se da ću totalno da se onesvestim. Mislim, nisam hteo da joj kažem da umukne i sve, ali činilo mi se da ću opet da se onesvestim. | I thought I was going to pass out cold. I mean I didn't mean to tell her to shut up and all, but I thought I was going to pass out again. |
| "Zašto ne mogu? Molim te, Holdene! Neću ti smetati - samo ću da idem s tobom. Neću čak ni poneti moje haljine ako ti nećeš. Poneću samo moju..." | "Why can't I? Please, Holden! I won't do anything―I'll just go with you, that's all! I won't even take my clothes with me if you don't want me to―I'll just take my―" |
| "Ništa nećeš poneti. Zato što ne ideš. Ja idem sam. Zato umukni." | "You can't take anything. Because you're not going. I'm going alone. So shut up." |
| "'Molim te, Holdene. Molim te, pusti me. Biću jako, jako, jako... Nećeš čak ni..." | "Please, Holden. Please let me go. I'll be very, very, very―You won't even―" |
| "Ne ideš. A sad umukni! Daj mi taj kofer", rekoh. Uzeo sam joj kofer. Skoro mi je došlo da je lupim. Na trenutak sam pomislio da ću da je mlatnem. Najozbiljnije. | "You're not going. Now, shut up! Gimme that bag," I said. I took the bag off her. I was almost all set to hit her, I thought I was going to smack her for a second. I really did. |
| Počela je da plače. | She started to cry. |
| "Mislio sam da treba da igraš u toj školskoj predstavi. Mislio sam da treba da budeš Benedikt Arnold u tom komadu i sve", rekoh. Rekao sam to vrlo pakosno. "Šta bi htela - da ne igraš u komadu?" To je samo još više rasplakalo. | "I thought you were supposed to be in a play at school and all. I thought you were supposed to be Benedict Arnold in that play and all," I said. I said it very nasty. "Whuddaya want to do? Not be in the play, for God's sake?" That made her cry even harder. |
| Bilo mi je drago. Odjednom sam poželeo da plače dok joj se oči bukvalno ne istoče. Gotovo sam je mrzeo. Mislim da sam je mrzeo najviše zato što ne bi igrala u tom komadu kad bi otišla sa mnom. | I was glad. All of a sudden I wanted her to cry till her eyes practically dropped out. I almost hated her. I think I hated her most because she wouldn't be in that play any more if she went away with me. |
| "Hajde", rekoh. Ponovo sam pošao uz stepenice ka muzeju. Smislio sam šta da uradim - da ostavim u garderobi taj suludi kofer koji je ponela, pa bi mogla da ga uzme u tri sata, posle škole. Znao sam da ne bi mogla da ga nosi natrag u školu. "Hajde, šta čekaš", rekao sam. | "Come on," I said. I started up the steps to the museum again. I figured what I'd do was, I'd check the crazy suitcase she'd brought in the checkroom, and then she could get it again at three o'clock, after school. I knew she couldn't take it back to school with her. "Come on, now," I said. |
| Nije, međutim, pošla uz stepenice sa mnom. Nije htela da ide sa mnom. Svejedno sam se popeo, predao kofer u garderobu, zatim se vratio dole. Još je stajala na pločniku, ali mi je okrenula leđa kad sam joj prišao. | She didn't go up the steps with me, though. She wouldn't come with me. I went up anyway, though, and brought the bag in the checkroom and checked it, and then I came down again. She was still standing there on the sidewalk, but she turned her back on me when I came up to her. |
| Ume ona to. Ume da ti okrene leđa kad joj tako dođe. "Nikuda ne idem. Predomislio sam se. | She can do that. She can turn her back on you when she feels like it. "I'm not going away anywhere. I changed my mind. |
| Prestani zato da plačeš i umukni", rekoh. Smešno je bilo što nije čak ni plakala kad sam joj to rekao. Ipak, svejedno sam joj to rekao. "Hajde sad. Otpratiću te do škole. Hajde sad. Zakasnićeš." | So stop crying, and shut up," I said. The funny part was, she wasn't even crying when I said that. I said it anyway, though, "C'mon, now. I'll walk you back to school. C'mon, now. You'll be late." |
| Uopšte nije htela da mi odgovori ili nešto. Pokušao sam da je kao uhvatim za ruku, ali nije mi dala. Samo mi je okrenula leđa. | She wouldn't answer me or anything. I sort of tried to get hold of her old hand, but she wouldn't let me. She kept turning around on me. |
| "Jesi li ručala? Jesi li već ručala?" pitao sam je. | "Didja have your lunch? Ya had your lunch yet?" I asked her. |
| Nije htela da mi odgovori. Samo je skinula onu crvenu lovačku kapu - onu koju sam joj dao - i bukvalno mi je bacila u lice. | She wouldn't answer me. All she did was, she took off my red hunting hat―the one I gave her―and practically chucked it right in my face. |
| Onda mi je ponovo okrenula leđa. To me gotovo dotuklo, ali ništa nisam rekao. Samo sam pokupio kapu i gurnuo je u džep kaputa. | Then she turned her back on me again. It nearly killed me, but I didn't say anything. I just picked it up and stuck it in my coat pocket. |
| "Hajde, ej. Otpratiću te do škole", rekoh. | "Come on, hey. I'll walk you back to school," I said. |
| "Ne vraćam se u školu." | "I'm not going back to school." |
| Nisam znao šta da kažem na to. Samo sam stajao. | I didn't know what to say when she said that. I just stood there for a couple of minutes. |
| "Moraš da se vratiš u školu. Ti želiš da igraš u tom komadu, zar ne? Želiš da budeš Benedikt Arnold?" | "You have to go back to school. You want to be in that play, don't you? You want to be Benedict Arnold, don't you?" |
| "Ne." | "No." |
| "Ma naravno da želiš. Itekako želiš. Hajde sad, idemo", rekoh. "Pre svega, ja nikud ne idem, rekao sam ti. Idem kući. Idem kući čim se ti vratiš u školu. Prvo ću da odem do stanice i uzmem kofere, a onda idem pravo..." | "Sure you do. Certainly you do. C'mon, now, let's go," I said. "In the first place, I'm not going away anywhere, I told you. I'm going home. I'm going home as soon as you go back to school. First I'm gonna go down to the station and get my bags, and then I'm gonna go straight―" |
| "Rekla sam da se ne vraćam u školu. Ti radi šta god se tebi radi, ali ja se ne vraćam u školu", rekla je. "I zato umukni." Bilo je to prvi put kako mi je rekla da umuknem. Užasno je zvučalo. | "I said I'm not going back to school. You can do what you want to do, but I'm not going back to school," she said. "So shut up." It was the first time she ever told me to shut up. It sounded terrible. |
| Isuse, užasno je zvučalo. Zvučalo je gore od psovke. I dalje nije htela čak ni da me pogleda, a svaki put kad bih kao spustio ruku na njeno rame ili nešto, izmakla bi se. | God, it sounded terrible. It sounded worse than swearing. She still wouldn't look at me either, and every time I sort of put my hand on her shoulder or something, she wouldn't let me. |
| "Slušaj, hoćeš ili možda u šetnju?" upitao sam je. "Hoćeš li da prošetamo do Zoološkog vrta? Ako te pustim da izostaneš popodne iz škole i prošetamo malo, hoćeš li da prekineš ovo ludiranje?" | "Listen, do you want to go for a walk?" I asked her. "Do you want to take a walk down to the zoo? If I let you not go back to school this afternoon and go for walk, will you cut out this crazy stuff?" |
| Nije htela da mi odgovori, pa sam joj ponovio. "Ako te pustim da izostaneš popodne iz škole i prošetamo malo, hoćeš li da prekineš ovo ludiranje? Hoćeš li da odeš sutra u školu, kao dobra devojčica?" | She wouldn't answer me, so I said it over again. "If I let you skip school this afternoon and go for a little walk, will you cut out the crazy stuff? Will you go back to school tomorrow like a good girl?" |
| "Možda, a možda i neću", rekla je. Onda je pretrčala pravo preko ulice, uopšte ne gledajući da li idu neka kola. Ponekad je stvarno luda. | "I may and I may not," she said. Then she ran right the hell across the street, without even looking to see if any cars were coming. She's a madman sometimes. |
| Međutim, nisam pošao za njom. Znao sam da će ona poći za mnom, pa sam krenuo ka Zoološkom vrtu, onom stranom ulice gde je park, a ona pošla u istom pravcu, drugom stranom ulice. Uopšte nije htela da pogleda ka meni, ali znao sam da me verovatno posmatra krajičkom svog šašavog oka, da bi videla kuda idem. | I didn't follow her, though. I knew she'd follow me, so I started walking downtown toward the zoo, on the park side of the street, and she started walking downtown on the other goddam side of the street, She wouldn't look over at me at all, but I could tell she was probably watching me out of the corner of her crazy eye to see where I was going and all. |
| Sve u svemu, išli smo tako sve do Zoološkog vrata. | Anyway, we kept walking that way all the way to the zoo. |
| Zabrinuo sam se samo kad je naišao onaj autobus na sprat, jer nisam mogao da je vidim preko ulice. Ali, kad smo stigli do Zoološkog vrta, doviknuo sam joj: "Febo! | The only thing that bothered me was when a double-decker bus came along because then I couldn't see across the street and I couldn't see where the hell she was. But when we got to the zoo, I yelled over to her, "Phoebe! |
| Idemo u Zoološki! Dođi sad!" Nije htela da me pogleda, ali znao sam da me je čula i, kad sam krenuo niz stepenice u Zoološki vrt, okrenuo sam se i video je kako prelazi ulicu i ide za mnom i sve. | I'm going in the zoo! C'mon, now!" She wouldn't look at me, but I could tell she heard me, and when I started down the steps to the zoo I turned around and saw she was crossing the street and following me and all. |
| U Zoološkom vrtu nije bilo mnogo ljudi jer je bio neki ružan dan, ali bilo ih je malo oko bazena sa fokama. Hteo sam da prođem pored njega, ali Feba je stala i pravila se da posmatra kako hrane foke - čovek im je bacao ribu - pa sam se vratio. | There weren't too many people in the zoo because it was sort of a lousy day, but there were a few around the sea lions' swimming pool and all. I started to go by but old Phoebe stopped and made out she was watching the sea lions getting fed―a guy was throwing fish at them―so I went back. |
| Smislio sam kako je to dobra prilika da se pomirim s njom i sve. Prišao sam, stao iza nje i stavio joj kao ruke na ramena, ali savila je kolena i izmakla se - stvarno ume da bude namćor ponekad. | I figured it was a good chance to catch up with her and all. I went up and sort of stood behind her and sort of put my hands on her shoulders, but she bent her knees and slid out from me―she can certainly be very snotty when she wants to. |
| Stajala je tamo dok su hranili foke, a ja stajao odmah iza nje. Nisam joj ponovo stavio ruke na ramena ili nešto jer bi, da sam to uradio, ona stvarno pobegla od mene. Deca su čudna. Moraš dobro da paziš šta radiš. | She kept standing there while the sea lions were getting fed and I stood right behind her. I didn't put my hands on her shoulders again or anything because if I had she really would've beat it on me. Kids are funny. You have to watch what you're doing. |
| Nije htela da ide pored mene kad smo otišli od foka, ali nije išla previše daleko. Išla je kao jednim krajem staze, a ja drugim. Nije bilo bogzna šta, ali bolje nego da ide na kilometar od mene, kao ranije. | She wouldn't walk right next to me when we left the sea lions, but she didn't walk too far away. She sort of walked on one side of the sidewalk and I walked on the other side. It wasn't too gorgeous, but it was better than having her walk about a mile away from me, like before. |
| Pošli smo uzbrdo i malo gledali medvede s onog brdašca, ali nije bilo mnogo toga da se vidi. Samo jedan medved je bio napolju, onaj polarni medved. Onaj drugi, mrki medved, bio je u prokletoj pećini i nije hteo da izađe. | We went up and watched the bears, on that little hill, for a while, but there wasn't much to watch. Only one of the bears was out, the polar bear. The other one, the brown one, was in his goddam cave and wouldn't come out. |
| Samo mu se dupe videlo. Pored mene je stajao neki dečkić, s kaubojskim šeširom koji mu je bukvalno pao preko ušiju, i stalno govorio svome ocu: "Nateraj ga da izađe, tata. | All you could see was his rear end. There was a little kid standing next to me, with a cowboy hat on practically over his ears, and he kept telling his father, "Make him come out, Daddy. |
| Nateraj ga da izađe." Pogledao sam Febu, ali nije htela da se nasmeje. Znate kakva su deca kad se naljute. Uopšte neće da se smeju ili nešto. | Make him come out." I looked at old Phoebe, but she wouldn't laugh. You know kids when they're sore at you. They won't laugh or anything. |
| Kad smo otišli od medveda, izašli smo iz Zoološkog vrta i prešli preko one uličice u parku, a onda prošli kroz jedan od onih malih tunela što uvek bazde na mokraću. To je bilo na putu za ringišpil. | After we left the bears, we left the zoo and crossed over this little street in the park, and then we went through one of those little tunnels that always smell from somebody's taking a leak. It was on the way to the carrousel. |
| Feba i dalje nije htela da razgovara sa mnom ili nešto, ali sada je kao išla pored mene. Uhvatio sam je za pojas od kaputa na leđima, tek onako, ali izmakla se. | Old Phoebe still wouldn't talk to me or anything, but she was sort of walking next to me now. I took a hold of the belt at the back of her coat, just for the hell of it, but she wouldn't let me. |
| Rekla je: "Skloni ruke, ako ti nije teško." Još je bila ljuta na mene. Ali ne toliko ljuta kao pre. | She said, "Keep your hands to yourself, if you don't mind." She was still sore at me. But not as sore as she was before. |
| Sve u svemu, bili smo blizu ringišpila, i već se čula ona šašava muzika koja tamo svira. Sviralo je "O, Mari!" Svirala je ista pesma kao i pre pedeset godina, kad sam ja bio mali. To je lepa stvar kod ringišpila - uvek svira istu pesmu. | Anyway, we kept getting closer and closer to the carrousel and you could start to hear that nutty music it always plays. It was playing "Oh, Marie!" It played that same song about fifty years ago when I was a little kid. That's one nice thing about carrousels, they always play the same songs. |
| "Mislila sam da ringišpil ne radi zimi", rekla je Feba. Bilo je to bukvalno prvi put da je rekla nešto. Verovatno je zaboravila kako bi trebalo da se ljuti na mene. | "I thought the carrousel was closed in the wintertime," old Phoebe said. It was the first time she practically said anything. She probably forgot she was supposed to be sore at me. |
| "Možda zato što će Božić", rekoh. | "Maybe because it's around Christmas," I said. |
| Ništa nije rekla na to. Verovatno se setila kako bi trebalo da se ljuti na mene. | She didn't say anything when I said that. She probably remembered she was supposed to be sore at me. |
| "Hoćeš li da se provozaš?" rekoh. Znao sam da verovatno želi. Kad je bila još sasvim mala i kada smo Eli, D.B. i ja išli sa njom u park, ludovala je za ringišpilom. Nisi mogao da je skineš sa prokletog konja. | "Do you want to go for a ride on it?" I said. I knew she probably did. When she was a tiny little kid, and Allie and D.B. and I used to go to the park with her, she was mad about the carrousel. You couldn't get her off the goddam thing. |
| "Suviše sam velika", rekla je. Mislio sam da mi neće odgovoriti, ali odgovorila je. | "I'm too big." she said. I thought she wasn't going to answer me, but she did. |
| "Ne, nisi. Idi. Čekaću te. Idi", rekoh. Tada smo već stigli tamo. Na ringišpilu se vozilo nekoliko dece, uglavnom sasvim mala deca, a nekoliko roditelja je čekalo ispred, sedeći na klupama i sve. | "No, you're not. Go on. I'll wait for ya. Go on," I said. We were right there then. There were a few kids riding on it, mostly very little kids, and a few parents were waiting around outside, sitting on the benches and all. |
| Što sam uradio - otišao sam do onog prozorčeta gde su prodavali karte, kupio Febi kartu i pružio joj. Stajala je odmah pored mene. "Evo", rekoh. "Čekaj malo - uzmi i ostatak tvojih para." Počeo sam da vadim ostatak para koje mi je pozajmila. | What I did was, I went up to the window where they sell the tickets and bought old Phoebe a ticket. Then I gave it to her. She was standing right next to me. "Here," I said. "Wait a second―take the rest of your dough, too." I started giving her the rest of the dough she'd lent me. |
| "Sačuvaj ih. Čuvaj ih za mene", rekla je. Onda je odmah dodala: "Molim te." | "You keep it. Keep it for me," she said. Then she said right afterward―"Please." |
| To stvarno može da deprimira kad ti neko kaže 'molim te'. Mislim, kad je to Feba ili neko. Baš me izdeprimiralo. Ali vratio sam novac u džep. | That's depressing, when somebody says "please" to you. I mean if it's Phoebe or somebody. That depressed the hell out of me. But I put the dough back in my pocket. |
| "Zar nećeš i ti da se voziš?" pitala me. Nekako me čudno pogledala. Videlo se da nije više toliko ljuta na mene. | "Aren't you gonna ride, too?" she asked me. She was looking at me sort of funny. You could tell she wasn't too sore at me any more. |
| "Možda u sledećem krugu. Gledaću te", rekoh. "Imaš li kartu?" | "Maybe I will the next time. I'll watch ya," I said. "Got your ticket?" |
| "Imam." | "Yes." |
| "Idi onda - biću tu, na ovoj klupi. Gledaću te." Otišao sam do klupe i seo, a ona se popela na ringišpil. Obišla je ceo krug. | "Go ahead, then―I'll be on this bench right over here. I'll watch ya." I went over and sat down on this bench, and she went and got on the carrousel. She walked all around it. |
| Mislim, obišla je čitav ringišpil. Onda je sela na tog velikog, smeđeg, olupanog starog konja. Ringišpil se pokrenuo, pa sam je gledao kako kruži naokolo. | I mean she walked once all the way around it. Then she sat down on this big, brown, beat-up-looking old horse. Then the carrousel started, and I watched her go around and around. |
| Vozilo se samo još petoro ili šestoro dece, a svirala je ona pesma "Dim u tvojim očima". Sviralo je pomalo komično, kao neki džez. | There were only about five or six other kids on the ride, and the song the carrousel was playing was "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." It was playing it very jazzy and funny. |
| Sva su dece pokušavala do dohvate onaj zlatni prsten, pa i Feba, i malo sam se bojao da ne padne s prokletog konja, ali ništa nisam rekao niti učinio. Tako je s decom - ako žele da dohvate zlatni prsten, treba ih pustiti da to urade, i ništa im ne govoriti. | All the kids kept trying to grab for the gold ring, and so was old Phoebe, and I was sort of afraid she'd fall off the goddam horse, but I didn't say anything or do anything. The thing with kids is, if they want to grab the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. |
| Ako padnu - pali su, ali ne valja da im se išta govori. | If they fall off they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them. |
| Kada se vožnja završila, sišla je s konja i došla do mene. "Vozi se i ti jednom, ovog puta", rekla je. | When the ride was over she got off her horse and came over to me. "You ride once, too, this time," she said. |
| "Ne, samo ću te gledati. Mislim da ću samo da gledam", rekoh. Dao sam joj još nešto od njenih para. "Evo. Uzmi još neku kartu." | "No, I'll just watch ya. I think I'll just watch," I said. I gave her some more of her dough. "Here. Get some more tickets." |
| Uzela je novac. "Ne ljutim se više na tebe", rekla je. | She took the dough off me. "I'm not mad at you any more," she said. |
| "Znam. Požuri - opet će da krene." | "I know. Hurry up―the thing's gonna start again." |
| Onda me, najednom, poljubila. Zatim je ispružila ruku i rekla: "Pada kiša. Počela je kiša." | Then all of a sudden she gave me a kiss. Then she held her hand out, and said, "It's raining. It's starting to rain." |
| "Znam." | "I know." |
| Šta je onda uradila - to me stvarno oborilo - gurnula je ruku u džep mog kaputa, izvadila onu crvenu lovačku kapu i stavila mi je na glavu. | Then what she did―it damn near killed me―she reached in my coat pocket and took out my red hunting hat and put it on my head. |
| "Zar je ti nećeš?" rekoh. | "Don't you want it?" I said. |
| "Možeš malo da je nosiš." | "You can wear it a while." |
| "Dobro. Ali požuri sad. Propustićeš vožnju. Ostaćeš bez konja ili nešto." | "Okay. Hurry up, though, now. You're gonna miss your ride. You won't get your own horse or anything." |
| Međutim, samo je stajala pored mene. | She kept hanging around, though. |
| "Jesi li ozbiljno mislio ono što si rekao? Stvarno nećeš nikuda da odeš? Hoćeš li posle stvarno da dođeš kući?" pitala me. | "Did you mean it what you said? You really aren't going away anywhere? Are you really going home afterwards?" she asked me. |
| "Aha," rekoh. Što sam i mislio. Nisam je lagao. Stvarno sam posle toga otišao kući. " Požuri sad", rekoh. "Eno polazi." | "Yeah," I said. I meant it, too. I wasn't lying to her. I really did go home afterwards. "Hurry up, now," I said. "The thing's starting." |
| Potrčala je, kupila kartu i stigla da se vrati na ringišpil. Onda je obišla naokolo dok nije pronašla svog konja. Zatim se popela na njega. Mahnula mi je, i ja sam mahnuo njoj. | She ran and bought her ticket and got back on the goddam carrousel just in time. Then she walked all the way around it till she got her own horse back. Then she got on it. She waved to me and I waved back. |
| Ljudi moji, odjednom je počelo da pljušti kao ludo. Lilo je kao iz kabla, kunem se. Svi roditelji i majke i ostali požurili su da se sklone pod krov ringišpila, da ne pokisnu do kože ili nešto, ali ja sam još neko vreme ostao na klupi. | Boy, it began to rain like a bastard. In buckets, I swear to God. All the parents and mothers and everybody went over and stood right under the roof of the carrousel, so they wouldn't get soaked to the skin or anything, but I stuck around on the bench for quite a while. |
| Prilično sam pokisnuo, pogotovo vrat i pantalone. Ona lovačka kapa me stvarno štitila, u neku ruku, ali sam ipak pokisnuo. Bilo mi je svejedno. | I got pretty soaking wet, especially my neck and my pants. My hunting hat really gave me quite a lot of protection, in a way; but I got soaked anyway. I didn't care, though. |
| Odjednom sam osetio neviđenu sreću, gledajući Febu kako kruži naokolo. Samo što nisam počeo da kličem, toliko sam bio srećan, ako baš hoćete da znate. | I felt so damn happy all of sudden, the way old Phoebe kept going around and around. I was damn near bawling, I felt so damn happy, if you want to know the truth. |
| Ne znam zašto. Jednostavno je bila neviđeno lepa dok je kružila naokolo, u svom plavom kaputiću i sve. Bože, voleo bih da ste bili tamo. | I don't know why. It was just that she looked so damn nice, the way she kept going around and around, in her blue coat and all. God, I wish you could've been there. |