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| Antolinijevi su živeli u nekom luksuznom stanu na Saton Plejsu, s dva stepenika niz koje se ulazilo u dnevnu sobu, sa šankom i sve. Bio sam već nekoliko puta tamo jer je, kad sam napustio Elkton Hils, g. | MR. AND MRS. ANTOLINI had this very swanky apartment over on Sutton Place, with two steps that you go down to get in the living room, and a bar and all. I'd been there quite a few times, because after I left Elkton Hills Mr. |
| Antolini prilično često dolazio kod nas na večeru, da vidi kako se snalazim. Tada nije bio oženjen. Zatim, kad se oženio, često sam igrao tenis sa njim i gđom Antolini u teniskom klubu Vest Sajda, u Forest Hilsu na Long Aj-lendu. | Antolini came up to our house for dinner quite frequently to find out how I was getting along. He wasn't married then. Then when he got married, I used to play tennis with he and Mrs. Antolini quite frequently, out at the West Side Tennis Club, in Forest Hills, Long Island. |
| Gđa Antolini je bila njihov član. Bila je prepuna para i jedno šezdeset godina starija od g. Antolinija, ali činilo se da se prilično dobro slažu. Pre svega, oboje su bili intelektualno nastrojeni, pogotovo g. Antolini, osim što je on više voleo šalu nego intelektualni razgovor kad si s njim - slično kao D.B. | Mrs. Antolini, belonged there. She was lousy with dough. She was about sixty years older than Mr. Antolini, but they seemed to get along quite well. For one thing, they were both very intellectual, especially Mr. |
| Gđa Antolini je uglavnom bila ozbiljna. Bolovala je od astme. Oboje su pročitali sve D.B.- ove priče - i gđa Antolini - i, kada se D.B. spremao za Holivud, g. Antolini mu se javio i rekao mu da ne ide. | Antolini except that he was more witty than intellectual when you were with him, sort of like D.B. Mrs. Antolini was mostly serious. She had asthma pretty bad. They both read all D.B.'s stories―Mrs. Antolini, too―and when D.B. went to Hollywood, Mr. Antolini phoned him up and told him not to go. |
| Ali on je svejedno otišao. G. Antolini je rekao da svako ko tako dobro piše kao D.B. nema zašto da ide u Holivud. To je u suštini baš ono što sam i ja rekao. | He went anyway, though. Mr. Antolini said that anybody that could write like D.B. had no business going out to Hollywood. That's exactly what I said, practically. |
| Otpešačio bih do njihove kuće, jer nisam hteo da trošim išta od Febinog božičnog novca ako baš ne moram, ali čudno sam se osećao kad sam izašao napolje. Kao neka vrtoglavica, šta li. I tako sam uzeo taksi. Nisam hteo, ali uzeo sam ga. Teško mi je bilo čak i da ga nađem. | I would have walked down to their house, because I didn't want to spend any of Phoebe's Christmas dough that I didn't have to, but I felt funny when I got outside. Sort of dizzy. So I took a cab. I didn't want to, but I did. I had a helluva time even finding a cab. |
| Kad sam zazvonio, g. Antolini mi je otvorio vrata - pošto me je liftboj najzad pustio gore, strvina. G. Antolini je bio u bade-mantilu i papučama, i držao je čašu viskija sa sodom. Bio je prilično rafiniran tip, a i inače je voleo da pije. | Old Mr. Antolini answered the door when I rang the bell―after the elevator boy finally let me up, the bastard. He had on his bathrobe and slippers, and he had a highball in one hand. He was a pretty sophisticated guy, and he was a pretty heavy drinker. |
| "Holdene! Gde si, dečko?" rekao je. "Gospode, porastao je još čitavih pola metra. Baš mi je drago što te vidim." | "Holden, m'boy!" he said. "My God, he's grown another twenty inches. Fine to see you." |
| "Kako ste, gospodine Antolini? Kako je gospoda Antolini?" | "How are you, Mr. Antolini? How's Mrs. Antolini?" |
| "Oboje smo gala. Daj mi taj kaput." Skinuo mi je kaput i okačio ga. "Očekivao sam da vidim novorođenče u tvojim rukama. Nigde utočišta. | "We're both just dandy. Let's have that coat." He took my coat off me and hung it up. "I expected to see a day-old infant in your arms. Nowhere to turn. |
| Snežne pahulje na tvojim trepavicama." Bio je prilično vickast ponekad. Okrenuo se i viknuo ka kuhinji: "Lilijan! Šta je s kafom?" Lilijan je bilo ime gđe Antolini. | Snowflakes in your eyelashes." He's a very witty guy sometimes. He turned around and yelled out to the kitchen, "Lillian! How's the coffee coming?" Lillian was Mrs. Antolini's first name. |
| "Gotova je", doviknula je ona. "Da lije to Holden? Zdravo, Holdene!" | "It's all ready," she yelled back. "Is that Holden? Hello, Holden!" |
| "Zdravo, gospodo Antolini!" | "Hello, Mrs. Antolini!" |
| Kod njih se uvek vikalo. Sve zato što njih dvoje nikad nisu bili istovremeno u istoj prostoriji. To je bilo pomalo komično. | You were always yelling when you were there. That's because the both of them were never in the same room at the same time. It was sort of funny. |
| "Sedi, Holdene", rekao je g. Antolini. Videlo se da je malo popio. Soba je izgledala kao da je u njoj bila neka sedeljka. | "Sit down, Holden," Mr. Antolini said. You could tell he was a little oiled up. The room looked like they'd just had a party. |
| Čaše na sve strane, i činijice s kikirikijem. "Oprosti za ovaj nered", rekao je. "Zabavljali smo neke prijatelje gospođe Antolini, iz Bufala... neke bufale, u suštini." | Glasses were all over the place, and dishes with peanuts in them. "Excuse the appearance of the place," he said. "We've been entertaining some Buffalo friends of Mrs. Antolini's ... Some buffaloes, as a matter of fact." |
| Nasmejao sam se, a gđa Antolini mi je doviknula nešto iz kuhinje, ali nisam je dobro čuo. "Šta je rekla?" upitao sam g. Antolinija. | I laughed, and Mrs. Antolini yelled something in to me from the kitchen, but I couldn't hear her. "What'd she say?" I asked Mr. Antolini. |
| "Rekla je da ne gledaš u nju kad se pojavi. Tek što se pridigla iz mrtvih. | "She said not to look at her when she comes in. She just arose from the sack. Have a cigarette. Are you smoking now?" |
| Uzmi cigaretu. Pušiš li sad?" "Hvala", rekoh. Uzeo sam cigaretu iz kutije koju mi je ponudio. "Samo ponekad. Ja sam umeren pušač." | "Thanks," I said. I took a cigarette from the box he offered me. "Just once in a while. I'm a moderate smoker." |
| "Ubeđen sam", rekao je. Pripalio mi je nekim velikim upaljačem sa stola. "Tako znači. Ti i Pensi ste raskinuli", rekao je. | "I'll bet you are," he said. He gave me a light from this big lighter off the table. "So. You and Pencey are no longer one," he said. |
| Stalno se tako izražavao. Ponekad mi je to bilo prilično zabavno, a ponekad nije. Nekako je malo preterivao u tome. Ne mislim da nije bio duhovit ili nešto - bio je - ali nervira ponekad kad neko stalno govori stvari kao 'Ti i Pensi ste raskinuli'. I D.B. preteruje u tome. | He always said things that way. Sometimes it amused me a lot and sometimes it didn't. He sort of did it a little bit too much. I don't mean he wasn't witty or anything―he was―but sometimes it gets on your nerves when somebody's always saying things like "So you and Pencey are no longer one." D.B. does it too much sometimes, too. |
| "U čemu je bio problem?" upitao me g. Antolini. "Kako si prošao iz engleskog? Možeš smesta da se kupiš odavde ako si pao engleski, ti koji si pravi mali as za sastave." | "What was the trouble?" Mr. Antolini asked me. "How'd you do in English? I'll show you the door in short order if you flunked English, you little ace composition writer." |
| "Ma ne, prošao sam engleski bez problema. Mada smo se uglavnom bavili literaturom. Pisao sam možda samo dva sastava u čitavom polugodištu", rekoh. "Ali pao sam iz 'usmenog izražavanja'. I to smo morali da pohađamo - 'izražavanje'. To sam pao." | "Oh, I passed English all right. It was mostly literature, though. I only wrote about two compositions the whole term," I said. "I flunked Oral Expression, though. They had this course you had to take, Oral Expression. That I flunked." |
| "Zašto?" | "Why?" |
| "Ma ne znam." Nisam bio preterano raspoložen da mu objašnjavam. Još mi se nekako vrtelo ili nešto, i najednom me užasno zabolela glava. | "Oh, I don't know." I didn't feel much like going into it. I was still feeling sort of dizzy or something, and I had a helluva headache all of a sudden. |
| Ozbiljno. Ali videlo se da je zainteresovan, pa sam mu malo pričao o tome. "To je predmet gde svaki učenik treba da ustane i održi govor. | I really did. But you could tell he was interested, so I told him a little bit about it. "It's this course where each boy in class has to get up in class and make a speech. |
| Znate već. Spontano i sve. I, ako taj što govori samo malo skrene s teme, treba mu odmah viknuti 'Digresija!' To me stvarno izluđivalo. Nisam dobio prolaznu ocenu." | You know. Spontaneous and all. And if the boy digresses at all, you're supposed to yell 'Digression!' at him as fast as you can. It just about drove me crazy. I got an F in it." |
| "Zašto?" | "Why?" |
| "Ma ne znam. To sa digresijom išlo mi je na nerve. Ne znam. Problem je što ja volim kad neko pravi digresije. To je zanimljivije i sve." "Zar tebi nije stalo da se neko drži teme dok ti priča nešto?" | "Oh, I don't know. That digression business got on my nerves. I don't know. The trouble with me is, I like it when somebody digresses. It's more interesting and all." |
| "Ma naravno. Volim kad se neko drži teme. Ali ne volim kad se baš mnogo drži teme. | "You don't care to have somebody stick to the point when he tells you something?" "Oh, sure! I like somebody to stick to the point and all. But I don't like them to stick too much to the point. |
| Ne znam. Ne volim valjda kad se neko neprekidno drži teme. A najbolje ocene iz usmenog izražavanja pokupili su baš oni koji su se neprekidno držali teme. | I don't know. I guess I don't like it when somebody sticks to the point all the time. The boys that got the best marks in Oral Expression were the ones that stuck to the point all the time―I admit it. |
| Ali tamo je bio jedan učenik, Ričard Kinsela. Taj se nije mnogo držao teme i svi su mu stalno vikali 'Digresija!' Užasno je bilo, jer je on, pre svega, vrlo nervozan lik - mislim, baš je bio nervozan - i usne su mu uvek podrhtavale kad bi na njega došao red da održi govor, i jedva si mogao da ga čuješ ako sediš negde skroz pozadi. | But there was this one boy, Richard Kinsella. He didn't stick to the point too much, and they were always yelling 'Digression!' at him. It was terrible, because in the first place, he was a very nervous guy―I mean he was a very nervous guy―and his lips were always shaking whenever it was his time to make a speech, and you could hardly hear him if you were sitting way in the back of the room. |
| Kad bi mu usne malo prestale da drhte, baš sam voleo njegove govore, više nego bilo čije. Ali ni on nije prošao. Dobio je lošu ocenu jer su mu stalno vikali 'Digresija!' Na primer, govorio je o nekoj farmi koju je njegov otac kupio u Vermontu. | When his lips sort of quit shaking a little bit, though, I liked his speeches better than anybody else's. He practically flunked the course, though, too. He got a D plus because they kept yelling 'Digression!' at him all the time. For instance, he made this speech about this farm his father bought in Vermont. |
| Sve vreme dok je govorio, vikali su mu 'Digresija!' a nastavnik, gospodin Vinson, dao mu je slabu, jer nije rekao koje sve vrste životinja i biljaka i ostalog gaje na toj farmi. | They kept yelling 'Digression!' at him the whole time he was making it, and this teacher, Mr. Vinson, gave him an F on it because he hadn't told what kind of animals and vegetables and stuff grew on the farm and all. |
| Šta je taj Ričard Kinsela radio - počeo bi da govori o svemu tome, a onda bi odjednom počeo da priča o nekom pismu koje je njegova majka dobila od njegovog ujaka, i kako je taj ujak dobio dečju paralizu i sve u četrdeset drugoj godini, i kako nikome nije dao da ga poseti u bolnici jer nije hteo da ga iko vidi u onoj protezi. | What he did was, Richard Kinsella, he'd start telling you all about that stuff―then all of a sudden he'd start telling you about this letter his mother got from his uncle, and how his uncle got polio and all when he was forty-two years old, and how he wouldn't let anybody come to see him in the hospital because he didn't want anybody to see him with a brace on. |
| Sve to nije imalo mnogo veze s farmom - priznajem - ali lepo je bilo. Lepo je kad ti neko priča o svom ujaku. Pogotovo kad počne da priča o očevoj farmi pa se odjednom zainteresuje za ujaka. Mislim, odvratno je stalno vikati 'Digresija!' kad neko tako lepo priča i sav je uzbuđen. Ne znam. | It didn't have much to do with the farm―I admit it―but it was nice. It's nice when somebody tells you about their uncle. Especially when they start out telling you about their father's farm and then all of a sudden get more interested in their uncle. I mean it's dirty to keep yelling 'Digression!' at him when he's all nice and excited... I don't know. |
| Teško je objasniti." Nisam baš ni imao volje da pokušavam. Pre svega, odjednom me spopala stravična glavobolja. Molio sam boga da stara gđa Antolini donese već jednom tu kafu. To je nešto što me užasno nervira - mislim, kad neko kaže da je kafa gotova, a nije. | It's hard to explain." I didn't feel too much like trying, either. For one thing, I had this terrific headache all of a sudden. I wished to God old Mrs. Antolini would come in with the coffee. That's something that annoys hell out of me―I mean if somebody says the coffee's all ready and it isn't. |
| "Holdene... Samo jedno kratko, pomalo dosadno, pedagoško pitanje. | "Holden ... One short, faintly stuffy, pedagogical question. |
| Zar ne misliš da za sve postoji vreme i mesto? Kad neko počne da ti priča o očevoj farmi, zar ne treba da se drži toga, pa tek onda pređe na priču o ujakovoj protezi? | Don't you think there's a time and place for everything? Don't you think if someone starts out to tell you about his father's farm, he should stick to his guns, then get around to telling you about his uncle's brace? |
| Ili, ako je ujakova proteza tako izazovna tema, nije li trebalo to da odabere za svoj govor - a ne farmu?" | Or, if his uncle's brace is such a provocative subject, shouldn't he have selected it in the first place as his subject―not the farm?" |
| Nisam bio raspoložen da nešto razmišljam i odgovaram i sve. Bolela me glava i loše sam se osećao. Čak me nešto boleo i stomak, ako baš hoćete da znate. | I didn't feel much like thinking and answering and all. I had a headache and I felt lousy. I even had sort of a stomach-ache, if you want to know the truth. |
| "Ma da - ne znam. Valjda je trebalo. Mislim, valjda je trebalo da odabere ujaka kao temu umesto farme, ako mu je to bilo zanimljivije. Ali evo šta hoću da kažem - često se desi da ne znaš šta te više zanima dok ne počneš da pričaš o nečemu što te u suštini ne zanima toliko. | "Yes―I don't know. I guess he should. I mean I guess he should've picked his uncle as a subject, instead of the farm, if that interested him most. But what I mean is, lots of time you don't know what interests you most till you start talking about something that doesn't interest you most. |
| Mislim, ponekad ništa ne možeš da učiniš. Ako neko interesantno priča i sav se uzbudi zbog toga, mislim da ga treba ostaviti na miru. Volim kad se neko uzbuđuje zbog nečega. Lepo je to. | I mean you can't help it sometimes. What I think is, you're supposed to leave somebody alone if he's at least being interesting and he's getting all excited about something. I like it when somebody gets excited about something. It's nice. |
| Ali vi ne znate tog nastavnika, gospodina Vinsona. Taj je stvarno mogao da te izludi ponekad, on i prokleti razred. Mislim, stalno je govorio da sve uopštiš i uprostiš. Kod nekih stvari to jednostavno ne možeš. | You just didn't know this teacher, Mr. Vinson. He could drive you crazy sometimes, him and the goddam class. I mean he'd keep telling you to unify and simplify all the time. Some things you just can't do that to. |
| Mislim, teško da ikad možeš nešto da uprostiš ili uopštiš samo zato što to neko traži od tebe. Ne znate vi tog Vinsona. Mislim, možda je on vrlo inteligentan i sve, ali lepo se videlo da nema baš mnogo mozga u glavi." | I mean you can't hardly ever simplify and unify something just because somebody wants you to. You didn't know this guy, Mr. Vinson. I mean he was very intelligent and all, but you could tell he didn't have too much brains." |
| "Kafa, gospodo, konačno", rekla nam je gđa Antolini. Ušla je noseći poslužavnik s kafom, kolačima i ostalim stvarima. "Holdene, nemoj ni slučajno da me pogledaš. Izgledam kao čudo." | "Coffee, gentlemen, finally," Mrs. Antolini said. She came in carrying this tray with coffee and cakes and stuff on it. "Holden, don't you even peek at me. I'm a mess." |
| "Zdravo, gospodo Antolini", rekoh. Počeo sam da ustajem i sve, ali me g. Antolini uhvatio za sako i povukao natrag. Kosa stare gđe Antolini bila je puna onih gvozdenih viklera, i uopšte nije bila nakarminisana ili nešto. Nije baš čarobno izgledala. Izgledala je prilično stara i sve. | "Hello, Mrs. Antolini," I said. I started to get up and all, but Mr. Antolini got hold of my jacket and pulled me back down. Old Mrs. Antolini's hair was full of those iron curler jobs, and she didn't have any lipstick or anything on. She didn't look too gorgeous. She looked pretty old and all. |
| "Ostaviću ovo tu. Samo navalite, vas dvojica", rekla je. Spustila je poslužavnik na stočić, gurnuvši čaše u stranu. "Kako ti je majka, Holdene?" | "I'll leave this right here. Just dive in, you two," she said. She put the tray down on the cigarette table, pushing all these glasses out of the way. "How's your mother, Holden?" |
| "Dobro je, hvala. Nisam je baš skoro video, ali poslednje što sam..." | "She's fine, thanks. I haven't seen her too recently, but the last I―" |
| "Dušo, ako Holdenu zatreba nešto, sve je u plakaru za rublje. Na gornjoj polici. Ja odoh u krevet. Potpuno sam grogi", rekla je gđa Antolini. Tako je i izgledala. "Možete li vi momci sami da namestite kauč?" | "Darling, if Holden needs anything, everything's in the linen closet. The top shelf. I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted," Mrs. Antolini said. She looked it, too. "Can you boys make up the couch by yourselves?" |
| "Sve ćemo da sredimo. Samo ti lezi", rekao je g. Antolini. Poljubio je gđu Antolini, a ona se pozdravila sa mnom i otišla u spavaću sobu. Njih dvoje su se uvek mnogo ljubili pred drugima. | "We'll take care of everything. You run along to bed," Mr. Antolini said. He gave Mrs. Antolini a kiss and she said good-by to me and went in the bedroom. They were always kissing each other a lot in public. |
| Otpio sam malo kafe i uzeo možda pola nekog kolača koji je bio tvrd kao kamen. Stari g. Antolini je samo popio još jedan viski sa sodom. Pravio ih je dosta jake, videlo se. Lako je mogao da postane alkoholičar ako malo ne pripazi. | I had part of a cup of coffee and about half of some cake that was as hard as a rock. All old Mr. Antolini had was another highball, though. He makes them strong, too, you could tell. He may get to be an alcoholic if he doesn't watch his step. |
| "Ručao sam sa tvojim tatom pre dve-tri nedelje", najednom je rekao. "Nisi znao?" | "I had lunch with your dad a couple of weeks ago," he said all of a sudden. "Did you know that?" |
| "Ne, nisam." | "No, I didn't." |
| "Svestan si, naravno, da je on strašno zabrinut za tebe?" | "You're aware, of course, that he's terribly concerned about you." |
| "Znam. Znam da jeste", rekoh. | "I know it. I know he is," I said. |
| "Očigledno je, pre nego što mi se javio, dobio dugačko, prilično neprijatno pismo od tvog poslednjeg direktora, u smislu da se ni najmanje nisi trudio u školi. Izostajao sa časova. Dolazio uvek nespreman. Sve u svemu, totalno si..." | "Apparently before he phoned me he'd just had a long, rather harrowing letter from your latest headmaster, to the effect that you were making absolutely no effort at all. Cutting classes. Coming unprepared to all your classes. In general, being an all-around―" |
| "Nisam izostajao sa časova. Nije smelo da se izostaje. Samo sam možda ponekad propustio nešto, kao to izražavanje o kome sam vam pričao, ali nisam izostajao." | "I didn't cut any classes. You weren't allowed to cut any. There were a couple of them I didn't attend once in a while, like that Oral Expression I told you about, but I didn't cut any." |
| Uopšte nisam bio raspoložen za razgovor o tome. Od kafe mi je malo popustilo u stomaku, ali me i dalje mučila ta odvratna glavobolja. | I didn't feel at all like discussing it. The coffee made my stomach feel a little better, but I still had this awful headache. |
| G. Antolini je zapalio novu cigaretu. Pušio je kao manijak. Onda je rekao: "Najiskrenije, ne znam šta da ti kažem, Holdene." | Mr. Antolini lit another cigarette. He smoked like a fiend. Then he said, "Frankly, I don't know what the hell to say to you, Holden." |
| "Znam. Teško je razgovarati sa mnom. Svestan sam toga." | "I know. I'm very hard to talk to. I realize that." |
| "Imam osećaj da se krećeš prema nekom stravičnom padu. Ali ne znam, iskreno, o kakvom se padu... Slušaš li me?" | "I have a feeling that you're riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall. But I don't honestly know what kind ... Are you listening to me?" |
| "Da." | "Yes." |
| Očigledno je pokušavao da se koncentriše. | You could tell he was trying to concentrate and all. |
| "To bi moglo da bude tako da u tridesetoj sediš u nekom baru i mrziš svakoga ko uđe izgledajući kao da je možda u koledžu igrao ragbi. | "It may be the kind where, at the age of thirty, you sit in some bar hating everybody who comes in looking as if he might have played football in college. |
| A opet, mogao bi da pokupiš taman toliko obrazovanja da mrziš ljude koji kažu: 'To je tajna između nas dvojice'. Ili možda završiš u nekoj kancelariji, gađajući najbližu daktilografkinju spajalicama. Jednostavno ne znam. Ali znaš li ti uopšte o čemu govorim?" | Then again, you may pick up just enough education to hate people who say, 'It's a secret between he and I.' Or you may end up in some business office, throwing paper clips at the nearest stenographer. I just don't know. But do you know what I'm driving at, at all?" |
| "Da. Naravno", rekoh. I jesam. "Ali grešite kad govorite o toj mržnji. Mislim na mržnju prema igračima ragbija i sve. Tu stvarno grešite. | "Yes. Sure," I said. I did, too. "But you're wrong about that hating business. I mean about hating football players and all. You really are. |
| Ja retko koga mrzim. Šta možda radim - možda mrzim na kratko, kao tog tipa Stredletera koga sam upoznao u Pensiju, ili onog drugog, Roberta Eklija. | I don't hate too many guys. What I may do, I may hate them for a little while, like this guy Stradlater I knew at Pencey, and this other boy, Robert Ackley. |
| Mrzeo sam ih ponekad - priznajem - ali to ne traje dugo, u tome je stvar. Posle nekog vremena, ako ih ne vidim - mislim, ako se ne pojave u sobi, ili ih ne vidim po dva-tri obroka u sali za ručavanje - nekako bi počeli da mi nedostaju. Mislim, nekako su mi nedostajali." | I hated them once in a while―I admit it―but it doesn't last too long, is what I mean. After a while, if I didn't see them, if they didn't come in the room, or if I didn't see them in the dining room for a couple of meals, I sort of missed them. I mean I sort of missed them." |
| G. Antolini je neko vreme ćutao. Ustao je, uzeo još jedno parče leda i stavio ga u piće, zatim ponovo seo. | Mr. Antolini didn't say anything for a while. He got up and got another hunk of ice and put it in his drink, then he sat down again. |
| Videlo se da razmišlja. Ipak, sve sam se nadao da će ujutro da nastavi razgovor, ali baš se napalio. Ljudi se najčešće zagreju za neki razgovor kad vama nije do toga. | You could tell he was thinking. I kept wishing, though, that he'd continue the conversation in the morning, instead of now, but he was hot. People are mostly hot to have a discussion when you're not. |
| "U redu. Slušaj me sad malo... Možda ovo neću uspeti da sročim onako kako bih hteo, ali napisaću ti pismo o tome, za dan-dva. | "All right. Listen to me a minute now... I may not word this as memorably as I'd like to, but I'll write you a letter about it in a day or two. |
| Onda će ti sve biti jasno. Ali svejedno slušaj." Ponovo se zamislio. Onda je rekao: "Taj pad prema kome se, po mom mišljenju, krećeš - to je posebna vrsta pada, užasna vrsta pada. | Then you can get it all straight. But listen now, anyway." He started concentrating again. Then he said, "This fall I think you're riding for―it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. |
| Onome koji pada nije omogućeno da oseti ili čuje kad tresne na dno. On samo pada i pada. Sve je to namenjeno ljudima koji su, u ovo ili ono doba svog života, tražili nešto što njihova sredina nije mogla da im pruži. Ili su mislili kako njihova sredina to ne može da im pruži. | The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. |
| I tako su prestali da traže. Odustali su pre nego što su uopšte i počeli. Pratiš li me?" | So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started. You follow me?" |
| "Da, gospodine." | "Yes, sir." |
| "Sigurno?" | "Sure?" |
| "Da." | "Yes." |
| Ustao je i natočio još pića u čašu. Onda je ponovo seo. Ćutao je prilično dugo. | He got up and poured some more booze in his glass. Then he sat down again. He didn't say anything for a long time. |
| "Ne želim da te plašim", rekao je, "ali mogu sasvim jasno da te vidim kako velikodušno umireš, na ovaj ili onaj način, za neku krajnje bezvrednu stvar." Nekako me čudno pogledao. "Ako zapišem nešto za tebe, hoćeš li to pažljivo da pročitaš? I sačuvaš?" | "I don't want to scare you," he said, "but I can very clearly see you dying nobly, one way or another, for some highly unworthy cause." He gave me a funny look. "If I write something down for you, will you read it carefully? And keep it?" |
| "Da. Naravno", rekoh. I jesam. Još imam taj papir koji mi je dao. | "Yes. Sure," I said. I did, too. I still have the paper he gave me. |
| Otišao je do pisaćeg stola na drugom kraju sobe i stojeći zapisao nešto na parčetu papira. Onda se vratio i seo s tim papirom u ruci. "Za divno čudo, ovo nije napisao neki pesnik, već jedan psihoanalitičar, Vilhelm Štekel. Evo šta je... pratiš li me?" | He went over to this desk on the other side of the room, and without sitting down wrote something on a piece of paper. Then he came back and sat down with the paper in his hand. "Oddly enough, this wasn't written by a practicing poet. It was written by a psychoanalyst named Wilhelm Stekel. Here's what he―Are you still with me?" |
| "Da, naravno." | "Yes, sure I am." |
| "Evo šta je rekao: 'Osobina nezrelog čoveka je što hoće da za nešto slavno umre, dok je osobina zrelog čoveka što hoće da za nešto skromno živi'." | "Here's what he said: 'The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.'" |
| Nagnuo se i pružio mi papir. Pročitao sam to odmah kad mi je dao, a onda mu zahvalio i stavio papir u džep. Baš lepo od njega što se toliko trudio. Najozbiljnije. Ali problem je bio što nisam mogao da se koncentrišem i sve. Ljudi moji, odjednom sam osetio stravičan umor. | He leaned over and handed it to me. I read it right when he gave it to me, and then I thanked him and all and put it in my pocket. It was nice of him to go to all that trouble. It really was. The thing was, though, I didn't feel much like concentrating. Boy, I felt so damn tired all of a sudden. |
| Međutim, lepo se videlo da on uopšte nije umoran. Bio je, pre svega, prilično podnapit. "Mislim da ćeš jednog od ovih dana", rekao je, "morati da otkriješ kuda želiš da ideš. A onda ćeš morati tamo i da kreneš. I to odmah. Ne smeš ni minut da izgubiš. Ne ti." | You could tell he wasn't tired at all, though. He was pretty oiled up, for one thing. "I think that one of these days," he said, "you're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to lose a minute. Not you." |
| Klimnuo sam, jer je gledao pravo u mene, ali nisam bio sasvim siguran o čemu govori. Prilično sam shvatao o čemu je govorio, ali u tom trenutku nisam bio sasvim siguran. Toliko sam bio prokleto umoran. | I nodded, because he was looking right at me and all, but I wasn't too sure what he was talking about. I was pretty sure I knew, but I wasn't too positive at the time. I was too damn tired. |
| "Nije mi drago što to moram da ti kažem", rekao je, "ali mislim da kad jednom stekneš neki uvid kuda želiš da ideš, prvi tvoj potez biće da se prilagodiš školi. Moraćeš. Ti si učenik - sviđalo ti se to ili ne. | "And I hate to tell you," he said, "but I think that once you have a fair idea where you want to go, your first move will be to apply yourself in school. You'll have to. You're a student―whether the idea appeals to you or not. |
| Zaljubljen u znanje. I ja mislim da ćeš otkriti, kad prebrodiš svu tu gospodu Vinese i njihova usmena izra..." | You're in love with knowledge. And I think you'll find, once you get past all the Mr. Vineses and their Oral Comp―" |
| "Gospodu Vinsone", rekoh. Mislio je na svu gospodu Vinsone, a ne Vinese. Nije, ipak, trebalo da ga prekidam. | "Mr. Vinsons," I said. He meant all the Mr. Vinsons, not all the Mr. Vineses. I shouldn't have interrupted him, though. |
| "U redu - gospodu Vinsone. Kad jednom prebrodiš svu tu gospodu Vinsone, bićeš sve bliže i bliže - to jest, ako to želiš, i ako to tražiš i čekaš na to - onoj vrsti saznanja koja će biti veoma, veoma bliska tvome srcu. | "All right―the Mr. Vinsons. Once you get past all the Mr. Vinsons, you're going to start getting closer and closer―that is, if you want to, and if you look for it and wait for it―to the kind of information that will be very, very dear to your heart. |
| Između ostalog, otkrićeš da nisi jedini koga je zbunilo, uplašilo i čak mu se zgadilo ljudsko ponašanje. Bićeš uzbuđen i podstaknut saznanjem da ni u kom slučaju nisi jedini koji to preživljava. | Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. |
| Mnogi, mnogi ljudi bili su na istim takvim moralnim i duhovnim mukama kao i ti sada. | Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. |
| Srećom, neki od njih zabeležili su te svoje nevolje. Od njih ćeš naučiti nešto - ako to želiš. Kao što će jednog dana, ako budeš imao šta da ponudiš, neko naučiti ponešto od tebe. To je predivan uzajamni aranžman. A to nije obrazovanje. | Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them―if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. |
| To je istorija. To je poezija." Zastao je i otpio veliki gutljaj viskija. Onda je ponovo nastavio. | It's history. It's poetry." He stopped and took a big drink out of his highball. Then he started again. |
| Ljudi moji, stvarno se napalio. Drago mi je bilo što nisam pokušao da ga prekinem ili nešto. "Neću da ti tvrdim", rekao je, "kako su samo obrazovani i školovani ljudi u stanju da daju neki dragocen doprinos ovom svetu. | Boy, he was really hot. I was glad I didn't try to stop him or anything. "I'm not trying to tell you," he said, "that only educated and scholarly men are able to contribute something valuable to the world. |
| Nije tako. Ali tvrdim da obrazovani i školovani ljudi, ako su u startu daroviti i kreativni - što je, na žalost, retko - teže da iza sebe ostave neizmerno više dragocenih ostvarenja nego ljudi koji su samo daroviti i kreativni. | It's not so. But I do say that educated and scholarly men, if they're brilliant and creative to begin with―which, unfortunately, is rarely the case―tend to leave infinitely more valuable records behind them than men do who are merely brilliant and creative. |
| Oni teže da se što jasnije izraze, i uglavnom strasno i do kraja slede svoje misli i ideje. I - što je najvažnije - u devet od deset slučajeva skromniji su od neškolovanog mislioca. Da li me uopšte pratiš?" | They tend to express themselves more clearly, and they usually have a passion for following their thoughts through to the end. And―most important―nine times out of ten they have more humility than the unscholarly thinker. Do you follow me at all?" |
| "Da, gospodine." | "Yes, sir." |
| Ponovo je prilično dugo ćutao. Ne znam da li vam se to ikad desilo, ali pomalo je naporno sedeti i čekati dok neko razmišlja, da bi nešto rekao i sve. | He didn't say anything again for quite a while. I don't know if you've ever done it, but it's sort of hard to sit around waiting for somebody to say something when they're thinking and all. |
| Bez zezanja. Sve vreme sam se trudio da ne zevnem. Nije da mi je bilo dosadno ili nešto - nije - ali odjednom mi se stravično prispavalo. | It really is. I kept trying not to yawn. It wasn't that I was bored or anything―I wasn't―but I was so damn sleepy all of a sudden. |
| "Akademsko obrazovanje će ti pružiti još nešto. Ako budeš dovoljno odmakao u studijama, to će ti postepeno otkriti s kojim dimenzijama duha raspolažeš. Šta mu leži, a šta mu, možda, ne leži. | "Something else an academic education will do for you. If you go along with it any considerable distance, it'll begin to give you an idea what size mind you have. What it'll fit and, maybe, what it won't. |
| Posle nekog vremena, otkrićeš s kakvim mislima treba da se nosi duh tvojih dimenzija. | After a while, you'll have an idea what kind of thoughts your particular size mind should be wearing. |
| To ti može, pre svega, uštedeti enormno mnogo vremena koje bi izgubio baveći se ideja-ma koje ti ne leže, koje nisu za tebe. Počećeš da spoznaješ svoje prave mere i u skladu s njima oblačiš svoj duh." | For one thing, it may save you an extraordinary amount of time trying on ideas that don't suit you, aren't becoming to you. You'll begin to know your true measurements and dress your mind accordingly." |
| Tada sam, najednom, zevnuo. Kakav neotesani kreten, ali nisam to mogao da sprečim. | Then, all of a sudden, I yawned. What a rude bastard, but I couldn't help it! |
| Međutim, g. Antolini se samo nasmejao. "Hajde", rekao je. | Mr. Antolini just laughed, though. "C'mon," he said, and got up. "We'll fix up the couch for you." |
| "Namestićemo ti kauč." Pošao sam za njim, a on prišao plakaru i pokušao da sa gornje police skine neke čaršave, ćebad i ostalo, ali nije mogao s onom čašom viskija u ruci. Zato je iskapio i ostavio na pod, a onda skinuo posteljinu. | I followed him and he went over to this closet and tried to take down some sheets and blankets and stuff that was on the top shelf, but he couldn't do it with this highball glass in his hand. So he drank it and then put the glass down on the floor and then he took the stuff down. |
| Pomogao sam mu da je prenese do kauča. Zajedno smo namestili krevet. | I helped him bring it over to the couch. We both made the bed together. |
| Nije se baš polomio oko toga. Ništa nije zatezao ili poravnavao. Ali meni je bilo svejedno. Mogao sam da spavam i stojeći, toliko sam bio umoran. | He wasn't too hot at it. He didn't tuck anything in very tight. I didn't care, though. I could've slept standing up I was so tired. |
| "Kako tvoje ženske?" | "How're all your women?" |
| "Dobro su." Stvarno nisam imao volje za neki razgovor. | "They're okay." I was being a lousy conversationalist, but I didn't feel like it. |
| "Kako je Sali?" Znao je staru Sali Hejs. Upoznao sam ih jednom. | "How's Sally?" He knew old Sally Hayes. I introduced him once. |
| "Dobro je. Izašao sam popodne s njom." Ljudi moji, to kao da je bilo pre dvadeset godina! "Nemamo više baš mnogo toga zajedničkog." | "She's all right. I had a date with her this afternoon." Boy, it seemed like twenty years ago! "We don't have too much in common any more." |
| "Strašno zgodna devojka. A šta je sa onom drugom? Onom o kojoj si mi pričao, iz Mejna?" | "Helluva pretty girl. What about that other girl? The one you told me about, in Maine?" |
| "A - Džejn Galager. Dobro je. Verovatno ću sutra da joj se javim." | "Oh―Jane Gallagher. She's all right. I'm probably gonna give her a buzz tomorrow." |
| Tada smo već namestili kauč. "Sada je samo tvoj", rekao je g. Antolini. "Mada ne znam gde ćeš sa tim tvojim nogama." | We were all done making up the couch then. "It's all yours," Mr. Antolini said. "I don't know what the hell you're going to do with those legs of yours." |
| "Nije bitno. Navikao sam na kratke krevete", rekoh. "Mnogo vam hvala, gospodine. Stvarno ste mi noćas spasili život, vi i gospođa Antolini." | "That's all right. I'm used to short beds," I said. "Thanks a lot, sir. You and Mrs. Antolini really saved my life tonight." |
| "Znaš gde je kupatilo. Ako ti išta zatreba, samo vikni. Biću još malo u kuhinji - neće ti smetati svetlo?" | "You know where the bathroom is. If there's anything you want, just holler. I'll be in the kitchen for a while―will the light bother you?" |
| "Ne - ma kakvi. Mnogo vam hvala." | "No―heck, no. Thanks a lot." |
| "U redu. Laku noć, lepi moj." | "All right. Good night, handsome." |
| "Laku noć, gospodine. Mnogo vam hvala." | "G'night, sir. Thanks a lot." |
| Otišao je u kuhinju, a ja u kupatilo, gde sam se svukao i sve. Nisam mogao da operem zube jer nisam poneo četkicu. Nisam imao ni pidžamu, a g. | He went out in the kitchen and I went in the bathroom and got undressed and all. I couldn't brush my teeth because I didn't have any toothbrush with me. I didn't have any pajamas either and Mr. |
| Antolini je zaboravio da mi pozajmi neku. I tako sam se samo vratio u dnevnu sobu i ugasio tu lampicu pored kauča, a onda legao, onako u gaćama. Bio je zaista kratak za mene, taj kauč, ali stvarno sam mogao da zaspim stojeći, da i ne trepnem. | Antolini forgot to lend me some. So I just went back in the living room and turned off this little lamp next to the couch, and then I got in bed with just my shorts on. It was way too short for me, the couch, but I really could've slept standing up without batting an eyelash. |
| Ležao sam samo nekoliko trenutaka budan, razmišljajući o svemu onome što mi je govorio g. Antolini. O otkrivanju dimenzija svoga duha i sve. Bio je prilično pametan, nema šta. Ali nisam mogao da držim proklete oči otvorene, i zaspao sam. | I laid awake for just a couple of seconds thinking about all that stuff Mr. Antolini'd told me. About finding out the size of your mind and all. He was really a pretty smart guy. But I couldn't keep my goddam eyes open, and I fell asleep. |
| 25 | 25 |
| Onda se nešto dogodilo. Ne volim čak ni da pričam o tome. | Then something happened. I don't even like to talk about it. |
| Iznenada sam se probudio. Ne znam koliko je bilo sati, ali probudio sam se. Osetio sam nešto na glavi, nečiju ruku. Ljudi moji, stvarno sam se užasno prepao. | I woke up all of a sudden. I don't know what time it was or anything, but I woke up. I felt something on my head, some guy's hand. Boy, it really scared hell out of me. |
| Šta je to bilo - bila je to ruka g. Antolinija. A šta je radio - sedeo je na podu pored samog kauča, u mraku i sve, i nešto me kao gladio ili milovao po prokletoj glavi. Ljudi moji, kladim se da sam odskočio do plafona. | What it was, it was Mr. Antolini's hand. What he was doing was, he was sitting on the floor right next to the couch, in the dark and all, and he was sort of petting me or patting me on the goddam head. Boy, I'll bet I jumped about a thousand feet. |
| "Šta kog đavola radite?" | "What the hellya doing?" I said. |
| "Ništa! Samo sedim ovde i divim se..." | "Nothing! I'm simply sitting here, admiring―" |
| "Šta kog đavola radite?" ponovio sam. Nisam znao šta da kažem - mislim, toliko mi je bilo neprijatno. | "What're ya doing, anyway?" I said over again. I didn't know what the hell to say―I mean I was embarrassed as hell. |
| "Kako bi bilo da se malo smiriš? Samo sedim ovde..." | "How 'bout keeping your voice down? I'm simply sitting here―" |
| "Ionako moram da idem", rekao sam - ljudi moji, kako sam se unervozio! Počeo sam da oblačim proklete pantalone u mraku. | "I have to go, anyway," I said―boy, was I nervous! I started putting on my damn pants in the dark. |
| Jedva sam ih obukao, toliko sam bio nervozan. Znam više perverznih tipova, po školama i svuda, od ikog koga ste ikad sreli u životu, a takvi uvek zastrane kad sam ja u blizini. | I could hardly get them on I was so damn nervous. I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they're always being perverty when I'm around. |
| "Kuda to moraš da ideš?" rekao je g. Antolini. Trudio se da izgleda krajnje ležerno i opušteno, ali uopšte nije bio opušten. Kunem se. | "You have to go where?" Mr. Antolini said. He was trying to act very goddam casual and cool and all, but he wasn't any too goddam cool. Take my word. |
| "Ostavio sam kofere i sve na stanici. Mislim da je možda bolje da odem tamo i pokupim ih. Sve su mi stvari u njima." | "I left my bags and all at the station. I think maybe I'd better go down and get them. I have all my stuff in them." |
| "Biće i ujutro tamo. A sad se vrati u krevet. Idem i ja na spavanje. Šta je s tobom?" | "They'll be there in the morning. Now, go back to bed. I'm going to bed myself. What's the matter with you?" |
| "Ništa, samo što mi je sav novac i ostalo u jednom od kofera. Odmah se vraćam. Uzeću taksi i odmah se vraćam", rekoh. Ljudi moji, saplitao sam se o samog sebe u onom mraku. "Stvar je u tome što nije moj, taj novac, nego majčin, i ja..." | "Nothing's the matter, it's just that all my money and stuff's in one of my bags. I'll be right back. I'll get a cab and be right back," I said. Boy, I was falling all over myself in the dark. "The thing is, it isn't mine, the money. It's my mother's, and I―" |
| "Ne budi smešan, Holdene. Vrati se lepo u krevet. Idem i ja na spavanje. Novac će te čekati, zdrav i čitav, do jut..." | "Don't be ridiculous, Holden. Get back in that bed. I'm going to bed myself. The money will be there safe and sound in the morn―" |
| "Ne, bez zezanja. Moram da idem. Najozbiljnije." Bio sam već gotovo obučen, osim što nisam mogao da nađem kravatu. Nisam mogao da se setim gde sam je ostavio. Obukao sam sako i ostalo bez nje. | "No, no kidding. I gotta get going. I really do." I was damn near all dressed already, except that I couldn't find my tie. I couldn't remember where I'd put my tie. I put on my jacket and all without it. |
| Stari g. Antolini je zaseo u veliku fotelju nedaleko od mene i posmatrao me. Bio je mrak i sve, i nisam ga baš dobro video, ali znao sam da me posmatra. I dalje je pio. Mogao sam da vidim kako drži svoju vernu čašu viskija. | Old Mr. Antolini was sitting now in the big chair a little ways away from me, watching me. It was dark and all and I couldn't see him so hot, but I knew he was watching me, all right. He was still boozing, too. I could see his trusty highball glass in his hand. |
| "Ti si vrlo, vrlo čudan dečak." | "You're a very, very strange boy." |
| "Znam", rekoh. Nisam se više trudio da pronađem kravatu. Na kraju sam krenuo bez nje. "Zbogom, gospodine", rekoh. "Mnogo vam hvala. Ozbiljno." | "I know it," I said. I didn't even look around much for my tie. So I went without it. "Good-by, sir," I said, "Thanks a lot. No kidding." |
| Išao je za mnom sve do ulaznih vrata i ostao tamo kad sam pozvao lift. Sve što je rekao bilo je opet ono da sam "veoma, veoma čudan dečak". Čudan, ma nemoj. | He kept walking right behind me when I went to the front door, and when I rang the elevator bell he stayed in the damn doorway. All he said was that business about my being a "very, very strange boy" again. Strange, my ass. |
| Ostao je tamo sve dok nije stigao prokleti lift. Nikad u svom životu nisam toliko čekao lift. Kunem se. | Then he waited in the doorway and all till the goddam elevator came. I never waited so long for an elevator in my whole goddam life. I swear. |
| Nisam znao o kom đavolu da pričam dok čekam lift, a on je samo stajao tamo, pa sam rekao: "Počeću da čitam neke dobre knjige. Ozbiljno." Mislim, moralo je da se kaže nešto. Bilo je krajnje neprijatno. | I didn't know what the hell to talk about while I was waiting for the elevator, and he kept standing there, so I said, "I'm gonna start reading some good books. I really am." I mean you had to say something. It was very embarrassing. |
| "Pokupi kofere i odmah se vraćaj. Ostaviću vrata otključana." | "You grab your bags and scoot right on back here again. I'll leave the door unlatched." |
| "Mnogo vam hvala", rekoh. "Zbogom!" Lift je napokon stigao. Ušao sam i spustio se. Ljudi moji, tresao sam se kao sumanut. | "Thanks a lot," I said. "G'by!" The elevator was finally there. I got in and went down. Boy, I was shaking like a madman. |
| I znojio se. Kad se desi takva neka perverzna stvar, oznojim se kao skot. Doživeo sam takve stvari bar dvadeset puta, još od detinjstva. Muka mi je od toga. | I was sweating, too. When something perverty like that happens, I start sweating like a bastard. That kind of stuff's happened to me about twenty times since I was a kid. I can't stand it. |