 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 23 | 23 |
| Skratio sam telefonski razgovor, jer sam se plašio da će roditelji svaki čas da banu. Ali ipak nisu. G. Antolini je bio veoma ljubazan. Rekao je kako mogu odmah da dođem do njega, ako hoću. Mislim da sam verovatno probudio i njega i njegovu ženu, jer im je trebalo sto godina da se jave. | I MADE IT very snappy on the phone because I was afraid my parents would barge in on me right in the middle of it. They didn't, though. Mr. Antolini was very nice. He said I could come right over if I wanted to. I think I probably woke he and his wife up, because it took them a helluva long time to answer the phone. |
| Odmah me pitao da li se nešto desilo, a ja mu rekao da nije. Rekao sam mu, ipak, da sam izbačen iz Pensija. Mislio sam kako baš mogu i da mu kažem. "Blagi bože", rekao je kad je to čuo. Oduvek je imao smisla za humor. Rekao mi je da odmah dođem do njega ako sam raspoložen. | The first thing he asked me was if anything was wrong, and I said no. I said I'd flunked out of Pencey, though. I thought I might as well tell him. He said "Good God," when I said that. He had a good sense of humor and all. He told me to come right over if I felt like it. |
| On je bio možda najbolji nastavnik koga sam ikad imao, taj g. Antolini. Bio je prilično mlad, ne mnogo stariji od mog brata D.B.-a, i mogao si da se zezaš s njim a da ipak ne izgubiš poštovanje prema njemu. On je bio taj koji je na kraju podigao onog dečaka što je skočio kroz prozor, tog Džemsa Kastla o kome sam vam pričao. | He was about the best teacher I ever had, Mr. Antolini. He was a pretty young guy, not much older than my brother D.B., and you could kid around with him without losing your respect for him. He was the one that finally picked up that boy that jumped out the window I told you about, James Castle. |
| Stari g. Antolini mu je opipao puls i sve, a onda skinuo kaput, prebacio ga preko Džemsa Kastla i odneo ga skroz do ambulante. Uopšte nije mario što će sav kaput da se okrvavi. | Old Mr. Antolini felt his pulse and all, and then he took off his coat and put it over James Castle and carried him all the way over to the infirmary. He didn't even give a damn if his coat got all bloody. |
| Kad sam se vratio u D. B.-ovu sobu, Feba je bila uključila radio. Čula se neka muzika za igru. Pustila je, ipak, sasvim tiho, da ne čuje naša devojka. Trebalo je videti Febu. Sedela je nasred kreveta, na pokrivaču, savijenih nogu kao neki jogin. Slušala je muziku. Ona me stvarno obara. | When I got back to D.B.'s room, old Phoebe'd turned the radio on. This dance music was coming out. She'd turned it on low, though, so the maid wouldn't hear it. You should've seen her. She was sitting smack in the middle of the bed, outside the covers, with her legs folded like one of those Yogi guys. She was listening to the music. She kills me. |
| "Hajde", rekoh. "Je l' ti se igra?" Učio sam je da igra i sve kad je bila još sasvim mala. Ona odlično igra. Mislim, naučio sam je samo nekoliko stvari. Uglavnom je sve naučila sama. Ne možeš naučiti nekoga kako se stvarno igra. | "C'mon," I said. "You feel like dancing?" I taught her how to dance and all when she was a tiny little kid. She's a very good dancer. I mean I just taught her a few things. She learned it mostly by herself. You can't teach somebody how to really dance. |
| "U cipelama si", rekla je. | "You have shoes on," she said. |
| "Skinuću ih. Hajde." | "I'll take 'em off. C'mon." |
| Bukvalno je skočila sa kreveta i pričekala da skinem cipele, a onda sam igrao neko vreme s njom. Ona neviđeno igra. Ozbiljno. Ne volim kad ljudi igraju sa decom jer to najčešće grozno izgleda. | She practically jumped off the bed, and then she waited while I took my shoes off, and then I danced with her for a while. She's really damn good. I don't like people that dance with little kids, because most of the time it looks terrible. |
| Mislim, ako ste u nekom restoranu i vidite kako neki stariji čovek izvodi svoje dete na podijum za igru. Obično povlače detetu haljinicu na leđima, iz nepažnje, a dete ionako uopšte ne zna da igra, i to grozno izgleda, ali ja to ne radim napolju sa Febom ili nešto. | I mean if you're out at a restaurant somewhere and you see some old guy take his little kid out on the dance floor. Usually they keep yanking the kid's dress up in the back by mistake, and the kid can't dance worth a damn anyway, and it looks terrible, but I don't do it out in public with Phoebe or anything. We just horse around in the house. |
| Mi se samo zezamo u kući. Sa njom je ionako drukčije, jer ona ume da igra. Ume u svemu da te prati. Mislim, ako je držiš čvrsto uz sebe, tako da nije važno što su ti noge toliko duže od njenih. | It's different with her anyway, because she can dance. She can follow anything you do. I mean if you hold her in close as hell so that it doesn't matter that your legs are so much longer. |
| Ona ostaje sve vreme uz tebe. Možeš da menjaš korak ili izvodiš neke kulovske figure ili čak svinguješ pomalo - ona ostaje sve vreme uz tebe. Možeš čak da zaigraš i tango, najozbiljnije. | She stays right with you. You can cross over, or do some corny dips, or even jitterbug a little, and she stays right with you. You can even tango, for God's sake. |
| Odigrali smo jedno četiri numere. U pauzi između njih, stravično je smešna. Samo stoji u poziciji za igru. Neće čak ni da govori ili nešto. | We danced about four numbers. In between numbers she's funny as hell. She stays right in position. She won't even talk or anything. |
| Oboje treba da stojite u poziciji za igru i čekate da orkestar ponovo zasvira. To me stvarno obara. Ne smeš čak ni da se smiješ ili nešto. | You both have to stay right in position and wait for the orchestra to start playing again. That kills me. You're not supposed to laugh or anything, either. |
| Sve u svemu, odigrali smo jedno četiri numere, a onda sam isključio radio. Feba je uskočila natrag u krevet i zavukla se ispod pokrivača. "Napredujem, zar ne?" pitala me. | Anyway, we danced about four numbers, and then I turned off the radio. Old Phoebe jumped back in bed and got under the covers. "I'm improving, aren't I?" she asked me. |
| "Itekako", rekoh. Ponovo sam seo na krevet, pored nje. Malo mi je kao ponestalo daha. Toliko sam pušio da sam jedva disao. Ona se nije čak ni zadihala. | "And how," I said. I sat down next to her on the bed again. I was sort of out of breath. I was smoking so damn much, I had hardly any wind. She wasn't even out of breath. |
| "Pipni mi čelo", najednom je rekla. | "Feel my forehead," she said all of a sudden. |
| "Zašto?" | "Why?" |
| "Pipni ga. Samo ga pipni." | "Feel it. Just feel it once." |
| Pipnuo sam ga. Ali ništa nisam osetio. | I felt it. I didn't feel anything, though. |
| "Da li se oseća koliko je vrelo?" rekla je. | "Does it feel very feverish?" she said. |
| "Ne. Zar bi trebalo?" | "No. Is it supposed to?" |
| "Da - to ja izvodim. Pipni opet." | "Yes―I'm making it. Feel it again." |
| Ponovo sam pipnuo. I dalje ništa nisam osetio, ali sam rekao: "Mislim da sad počinje." Nisam hteo da dobije neki prokleti kompleks ili nešto. | I felt it again, and I still didn't feel anything, but I said, "I think it's starting to, now." I didn't want her to get a goddam inferiority complex. |
| Klimnula je. "Mogu da izvedem da pređe iznad ternometra." | She nodded. "I can make it go up to over the thermoneter." |
| "Termometra. Kako to?" | "Thermometer. Who said so?" |
| "Alisa Holmborg mi je pokazala kako se to radi. Samo prekrstiš noge i zadržiš dah i misliš na nešto jako, jako vrelo. Na radijator ili nešto. Onda ti se čitavo čelo tako usija da možeš nekom i ruku da opečeš." | "Alice Holmborg showed me how. You cross your legs and hold your breath and think of something very, very hot. A radiator or something. Then your whole forehead gets so hot you can burn somebody's hand." |
| To me oborilo. Trgnuo sam ruku s njenog čela kao da sam u stravičnoj opasnosti. "Hvala ti što si mi rekla", kazao sam. | That killed me. I pulled my hand away from her forehead, like I was in terrific danger. "Thanks for telling me," I said. |
| "Oh, ne bih tebi opekla ruku. Stala bih pre nego što - šššš!" Najednom se, neviđeno hitro, uspravila na krevetu. | "Oh, I wouldn't've burned your hand. I'd've stopped before it got too― Shhh!" Then, quick as hell, she sat way the hell up in bed. |
| Prestravilo me kad je to uradila. "Šta je sad?" rekoh. | She scared hell out of me when she did that. "What's the matter?" I said. |
| "Ulazna vrata", nekako je glasno prošaptala. "To su oni!" | "The front door!" she said in this loud whisper. "It's them!" |
| Skočio sam i brzo ugasio svetlo nad stolom. Zatim sam zgnječio cigaretu o cipelu i gurnuo je u džep. | I quick jumped up and ran over and turned off the light over the desk. Then I jammed out my cigarette on my shoe and put it in my pocket. |
| Onda sam panično mahao rukama po vazduhu, da rasteram dim - uopšte nije trebalo da pušim, Isuse. Dograbio sam cipele, ušao u plakar i zatvorio vrata. Ljudi moji, srce mi je tuklo kao sumanuto. | Then I fanned hell out of the air, to get the smoke out―I shouldn't even have been smoking, for God's sake. Then I grabbed my shoes and got in the closet and shut the door. Boy, my heart was beating like a bastard. |
| Čuo sam kako majka ulazi u sobu. | I heard my mother come in the room. |
| "Febo?" rekla je. "Dosta je bilo. Videla sam svetlo, mlada damo." | "Phoebe?" she said. "Now, stop that. I saw the light, young lady." |
| "Zdravo!" čuo sam Febu. "Nisam mogla da zaspim. Jeste li se lepo proveli?" | "Hello!" I heard old Phoebe say. "I couldn't sleep. Did you have a good time?" |
| "Divno", rekla je majka, ali osećalo se da ne misli tako. Ona ne uživa baš preterano u izlascima. "Zašto si budna, ako smem da pitam? Da li ti je bilo dovoljno toplo?" | "Marvelous," my mother said, but you could tell she didn't mean it. She doesn't enjoy herself much when she goes out. "Why are you awake, may I ask? Were you warm enough?" |
| "Jeste, ali uopšte nisam mogla da zaspim." | "I was warm enough, I just couldn't sleep." |
| "Febo, da nisi možda pušila ovde? Molim te reci mi istinu, mlada damo." | "Phoebe, have you been smoking a cigarette in here? Tell me the truth, please, young lady." |
| "Šta?" rekla je Feba. | "What?" old Phoebe said. |
| "Čula si me." | "You heard me." |
| "Samo sam zapalila jednu, na sekund. Samo sam jednom pućnula. Onda sam je bacila kroz prozor." | "I just lit one for one second. I just took one puff. Then I threw it out the window." |
| "Zašto, ako smem da pitam?" | "Why, may I ask?" |
| "Nisam mogla da zaspim." | "I couldn't sleep." |
| "Ne sviđa mi se to, Febo. To mi se uopšte ne sviđa", rekla je majka. "Hoćeš li, možda, još jedno ćebe?" | "I don't like that, Phoebe. I don't like that at all," my mother said. "Do you want another blanket?" |
| "Ne, hvala. Laku noć!" rekla je Feba. Pokušavala je da je se otarasi, lepo se videlo. | "No, thanks. G'night!" old Phoebe said. She was trying to get rid of her, you could tell. |
| "Kakav je bio film?" upitala je majka. | "How was the movie?" my mother said. |
| "Odličan. Sve osim Alisine majke. Stalno se naginjala i pitala je da li se gripozno oseća. U toku celog filma. Išli smo taksijem kući." | "Excellent. Except Alice's mother. She kept leaning over and asking her if she felt grippy during the whole entire movie. We took a taxi home." |
| "Daj da ti pipnem čelo." | "Let me feel your forehead." |
| "Ništa nisam dobila. Ni njoj ništa nije bilo. Samo njena majka." | "I didn't catch anything. She didn't have anything. It was just her mother." |
| "Dobro. Spavaj sad. Kakva je bila večera?" | "Well. Go to sleep now. How was your dinner?" |
| "Bljakava", rekla je Feba. | "Lousy," Phoebe said. |
| "Čula si šta je otac rekao za upotrebu takvih reči. Šta je bilo bljakavo? Imala si divan jagnjeći kotlet. Prošla sam čitavu Leksington aveniju samo da bih..." | "You heard what your father said about using that word. What was lousy about it? You had a lovely lamb chop. I walked all over Lexington Avenue just to―" |
| "Jagnjetina je bila dobra, ali Šarlin uvek diše u mene kad nešto spusti. Diše po hrani i svuda. Diše po svemu." | "The lamb chop was all right, but Charlene always breathes on me whenever she puts something down. She breathes all over the food and everything. She breathes on everything." |
| "Dobro. Spavaj sad. Poljubi mamu. Jesi li se pomolila?" | "Well. Go to sleep. Give Mother a kiss. Did you say your prayers?" |
| "Jesam, u kupatilu. Laku noć!" | "I said them in the bathroom. G'night!" |
| "Laku noć. Odmah da si zaspala. Glava mi puca", rekla je majka. Ona često pati od glavobolje. Ozbiljno. | "Good night. Go right to sleep now. I have a splitting headache," my mother said. She gets headaches quite frequently. She really does. |
| "Uzmi neki aspirin", rekla je Feba. "Holden dolazi u sredu, zar ne?" | "Take a few aspirins," old Phoebe said. "Holden'll be home on Wednesday, won't he?" |
| "Koliko ja znam. Pokrij se sad. Sasvim se pokrij." | "So far as I know. Get under there, now. Way down." |
| Čuo sam kako majka izlazi i zatvara vrata. Pričekao sam dva-tri minuta, a onda izašao iz plakara. Naleteo sam pravo na Febu, jer je u sobi bio mrak, a ona izašla iz kreveta da mi saopšti šta je bilo. "Jesam li te povredio?" rekoh. | I heard my mother go out and close the door. I waited a couple of minutes. Then I came out of the closet. I bumped smack into old Phoebe when I did it, because it was so dark and she was out of bed and coming to tell me. "I hurt you?" I said. |
| Moralo je da se šapuće, jer su oboje bili u kući. "Moram da bežim", rekoh. Našao sam ivicu kreveta u mraku, seo na nju i počeo da obuvam cipele. Prilično sam bio nervozan, priznajem. | You had to whisper now, because they were both home. "I gotta get a move on," I said. I found the edge of the bed in the dark and sat down on it and started putting on my shoes. I was pretty nervous. I admit it. |
| "Ne idi sad", šapnula je Feba. "Pričekaj da legnu!" | "Don't go now," Phoebe whispered. "Wait'll they're asleep!" |
| "Ne. Sad. Sad je najbolje", rekoh. "Ona će biti u kupatilu, a tata će da uključi vesti ili nešto. | "No. Now. Now's the best time," I said. "She'll be in the bathroom and Daddy'll turn on the news or something. |
| Sad je najbolje." Jedva sam vezivao pertle, toliko sam bio nervozan. Nije da bi me ubili ili nešto da su me zatekli u kući, ali bilo bi krajnje neprijatno i sve. "Gde si nestala?" rekao sam Febi. Bilo je tako mračno da je nisam video. | Now's the best time." I could hardly tie my shoelaces, I was so damn nervous. Not that they would've killed me or anything if they'd caught me home, but it would've been very unpleasant and all. "Where the hell are ya?" I said to old Phoebe. It was so dark I couldn't see her. |
| "Ovde sam." Stajala je pored mene. Uopšte je nisam video. | "Here." She was standing right next to me. I didn't even see her. |
| "Ostavio sam proklete kofere na stanici", rekoh. "Slušaj. Imaš li nešto para, Feb? Bukvalno sam dekintiran." | "I got my damn bags at the station," I said. "Listen. You got any dough, Phoeb? I'm practically broke." |
| "Samo moj novac za Božić. Za poklone i sve. Nisam još ni išla u kupovinu." | "Just my Christmas dough. For presents and all. I haven't done any shopping at all yet." |
| "A." Nisam hteo da uzimam njen božićni novac. | "Oh." I didn't want to take her Christmas dough. |
| "Hoćeš li malo?" rekla je. | "You want some?" she said. |
| "Neću da uzimam tvoj božićni novac." | "I don't want to take your Christmas dough." |
| "Mogu da ti pozajmim nešto", rekla je. Onda sam je čuo kod D.B.-ovog stola, kako otvara mali milion fioka i pipa po njima. Bilo je sasvim crno, toliko je bilo mračno u sobi. "Ako odeš negde, nećeš me gledati u predstavi", rekla je. Glas joj je imao neki čudan prizvuk kad je to rekla. | "I can lend you some," she said. Then I heard her over at D.B.'s desk, opening a million drawers and feeling around with her hand. It was pitch-black, it was so dark in the room. "If you go away, you won't see me in the play," she said. Her voice sounded funny when she said it. |
| "Gledaću te. Neću da odem pre toga. Misliš da bih propustio predstavu?" rekoh. "Šta ću da uradim - verovatno ću da ostanem kod gospodina Antolinija do možda utorka uveče. Onda ću da dođem kući. Zvrcnuću te, ako mi se ukaže prilika." | "Yes, I will. I won't go way before that. You think I wanna miss the play?" I said. "What I'll do, I'll probably stay at Mr. Antolini's house till maybe Tuesday night. Then I'll come home. If I get a chance, I'll phone ya." |
| "Evo", rekla je Feba. Pokušavala je da mi da novac, ali nije mogla da nađe moju ruku. | "Here," old Phoebe said. She was trying to give me the dough, but she couldn't find my hand. |
| "Gde?" | "Where?" |
| Stavila mi je novac u šaku. | She put the dough in my hand. |
| "Ej, ne treba mi toliko", rekoh. "Daj mi samo dva dolara, to je dosta. Bez zezanja - evo." Pokušavao sam da joj vratim, ali nije htela da uzme. | "Hey, I don't need all this," I said. "Just give me two bucks, is all. No kidding―Here." I tried to give it back to her, but she wouldn't take it. |
| "Slobodno uzmi sve. Vratićeš mi. Donesi mi na predstavu." | "You can take it all. You can pay me back. Bring it to the play." |
| "Koliko tu ima, Isuse?" | "How much is it, for God's sake?" |
| "Osam dolara i osamdeset pet centi, šezdeset pet centi. Nešto sam potrošila." | "Eight dollars and eighty-five cents. Sixty-five cents. I spent some." |
| Tada sam, najednom, zaplakao. Nisam mogao da se savladam. Plakao sam tako da me ne čuju u kući, ali plakao sam. | Then, all of a sudden, I started to cry. I couldn't help it. I did it so nobody could hear me, but I did it. |
| Febu je užasno prepalo kad sam počeo, pa je prišla i pokušala da me natera da prestanem, ali kad jednom počneš, ne možeš tek tako da prestaneš. | It scared hell out of old Phoebe when I started doing it, and she came over and tried to make me stop, but once you get started, you can't just stop on a goddam dime. |
| Još sam sedeo na ivici kreveta dok sam plakao, a ona me zagrlila jednom rukom i ja sam zagrlio nju, ali još dugo nisam mogao da prestanem. Pomislio sam da ću da se ugušim ili nešto. | I was still sitting on the edge of the bed when I did it, and she put her old arm around my neck, and I put my arm around her, too, but I still couldn't stop for a long time. I thought I was going to choke to death or something. |
| Ljudi moji, kako sam prepao Febu. Prozor je bio otvoren i sve, i mogao sam da osetim kako drhti, jer je imala samo pidžamu na sebi. Pokušao sam da je nateram da se vrati u krevet, ali nije htela. Na kraju sam prestao. | Boy, I scared hell out of poor old Phoebe. The damn window was open and everything, and I could feel her shivering and all, because all she had on was her pajamas. I tried to make her get back in bed, but she wouldn't go. Finally I stopped. |
| Ali stvarno mi je dugo trebalo, veoma dugo. Onda sam zakopčao kaput i sve. Rekao sam joj da ćemo se čuti. | But it certainly took me a long, long time. Then I finished buttoning my coat and all. I told her I'd keep in touch with her. |
| Rekla mi je da mogu da spavam s njom ako hoću, ali rekao sam da neću, i da je bolje da se izgubim jer me g. Antolini čeka. Onda sam izvadio moju lovačku kapu iz džepa na kaputu i dao joj. | She told me I could sleep with her if I wanted to, but I said no, that I'd better beat it, that Mr. Antolini was waiting for me and all. Then I took my hunting hat out of my coat pocket and gave it to her. |
| Ona voli takve šašave kape. Nije htela da je uzme, ali sam je naterao. Kladim se da je spavala s njom na glavi i sve. | She likes those kind of crazy hats. She didn't want to take it, but I made her. I'll bet she slept with it on. |
| Ona stvarno obožava takve kape. Ponovo sam joj rekao da ću je zvrcnuti ako mi se ukaže prilika, a onda sam otišao. Iz nekog razloga, bilo je daleko lakše izaći iz kuće nego što je bilo da se uđe u nju. | She really likes those kind of hats. Then I told her again I'd give her a buzz if I got a chance, and then I left. It was a helluva lot easier getting out of the house than it was getting in, for some reason. |
| Pre svega, nisam više mario da li će da me nađu u kući ili neće. Najozbiljnije. Mislio sam - ako me nađu, našli su me. Skoro da sam to i poželeo, na neki način. | For one thing, I didn't give much of a damn any more if they caught me. I really didn't. I figured if they caught me, they caught me. I almost wished they did, in a way. |
| Sišao sam stepenicama skroz do dole, umesto da pozovem lift. Išao sam sporednim stepeništem. Malo je falilo da skršim vrat preko deset miliona kanti za đubre, ali uspeo sam da prođem. Liftboj me nije čak ni video. Verovatno i sad misli da sam gore kod Dikstejnovih. | I walked all the way downstairs, instead of taking the elevator. I went down the back stairs. I nearly broke my neck on about ten million garbage pails, but I got out all right. The elevator boy didn't even see me. He probably still thinks I'm up at the Dicksteins'. |