The Catcher in the Rye

Chapter 11

11	11
Iznenada, dok sam išao ka foajeu, ponovo mi je pala na pamet Džejn Galager. Nikako da je izbijem iz glave.	ALL OF A SUDDEN, on my way out to the lobby, I got old Jane Gallagher on the brain again. I got her on, and I couldn't get her off.
Seo sam na neku fotelju izbljuvanog izgleda u foajeu i mislio na nju i Stredletera kako sede u onim prokletim Ed Benkijevim kolima i, mada sam bio poprilično siguran da joj ga stari Stredleter nije strpao - znam ja Džejn kako diše - ipak nisam mogao da je izbijem iz glave. Stvarno sam je znao kako diše.	I sat down in this vomity-looking chair in the lobby and thought about her and Stradlater sitting in that goddam Ed Banky's car, and though I was pretty damn sure old Stradlater hadn't given her the time―I know old Jane like a book―I still couldn't get her off my brain. I knew her like a book.
Mislim, pored čekersa, volela je raznorazne sportove i, kad sam je upoznao, čitavo leto smo gotovo svakog jutra zajedno igrali tenis, a skoro svakog popodneva golf.	I really did. I mean, besides checkers, she was quite fond of all athletic sports, and after I got to know her, the whole summer long we played tennis together almost every morning and golf almost every afternoon.
Stvarno sam je intimno upoznao. Ne mislim fizički ili nešto - ali bili smo stalno zajedno. Ne moraš uvek da insistiraš na seksu da bi upoznao neku devojku.	I really got to know her quite intimately. I don't mean it was anything physical or anything―it wasn't―but we saw each other all the time. You don't always have to get too sexy to get to know a girl.
Kako sam je upoznao - taj njen pinč-doberman navikao se da prelazi kod nas, da bi se olakšao na našem travnjaku, što je moju majku strašno iznerviralo. Nazvala je njenu majku i digla galamu oko toga.	The way I met her, this Doberman pinscher she had used to come over and relieve himself on our lawn, and my mother got very irritated about it. She called up Jane's mother and made a big stink about it.
Ona ume da digne popriličnu galamu oko takvih stvari. Šta se onda desilo - posle nekoliko dana video sam Džejn kako potrbuške leži pored klupskog bazena, pa sam je pozdravio.	My mother can make a very big stink about that kind of stuff. Then what happened, a couple of days later I saw Jane laying on her stomach next to the swimming pool, at the club, and I said hello to her.
Znao sam da živi u kući pored naše, ali nikada pre toga nisam razgovarao s njom ili nešto. Međutim, samo me ledeno odmerila kad sam je tog dana pozdravio.	I knew she lived in the house next to ours, but I'd never conversed with her before or anything. She gave me the big freeze when I said hello that day, though.
Polomio sam se ubeđujući je da je meni prokleto svejedno gde će njen ker da se olakša. Što se mene tiče, komotno je mogao da to obavlja i u dnevnoj sobi. Sve u svemu, posle toga smo Džejn i ja postali prijatelji i sve.	I had a helluva time convincing her that I didn't give a good goddam where her dog relieved himself. He could do it in the living room, for all I cared. Anyway, after that, Jane and I got to be friends and all.
Već istog popodneva igrao sam sa njom golf. Izgubila je osam loptica, sećam se. Osam. Polomio sam se dok sam je naterao da bar otvori oči kad zamahne da udari loptu.	I played golf with her that same afternoon. She lost eight balls, I remember. Eight. I had a terrible time getting her to at least open her eyes when she took a swing at the ball.
Neizmerno sam, ipak, poboljšao njenu igru. Ja dosta dobro igram golf. Kad bih vam rekao sa koliko prolazim, teško da biste mi poverovali. Jednom je čak trebalo da me snimaju za neki kratkometražni film, ali sam se u poslednjem trenutku predomislio.	I improved her game immensely, though. I'm a very good golfer. If I told you what I go around in, you probably wouldn't believe me. I almost was once in a movie short, but I changed my mind at the last minute.
Mislio sam da bi neko ko toliko mrzi filmove kao ja ispao krajnje dvoličan kad bi dopustio da ga strpaju u neki kratkometražni film.	I figured that anybody that hates the movies as much as I do, I'd be a phony if I let them stick me in a movie short.
Čudna devojka, ta Džejn. Ne bih je baš opisao kao striktno lepu. Međutim, stvarno me bacala u nesvest.	She was a funny girl, old Jane. I wouldn't exactly describe her as strictly beautiful. She knocked me out, though.
Imala je neka neverovatno pokretljiva usta. Mislim, kad je govorila i uzbuđivala se zbog nečega, usta su joj kao išla u pedeset pravaca, usne i sve. To me obaralo.	She was sort of muckle-mouthed. I mean when she was talking and she got excited about something, her mouth sort of went in about fifty directions, her lips and all. That killed me.
I nikada ih, u suštini, nije sasvim zatvarala, ta svoja usta. Uvek su bila malčice otvorena, posebno kad bi zauzela poziciju za udarac u golfu, ili kad bi čitala knjigu. Stalno je čitala, i to veoma dobre knjige. Čitala je masu poezije i sve.	And she never really closed it all the way, her mouth. It was always just a little bit open, especially when she got in her golf stance, or when she was reading a book. She was always reading, and she read very good books. She read a lot of poetry and all.
Ona je bila jedina, osim moje porodice, kojoj sam ikad pokazao Elijevu rukavicu za bezbol, sa svim onim pesmama ispisanim na njoj. Nikada nije upoznala Elija, jer je to bilo prvo leto koje je provodila u Mejnu - pre toga je išla na Kejp Kod - ali dosta sam joj pričao o njemu.	She was the only one, outside my family, that I ever showed Allie's baseball mitt to, with all the poems written on it. She'd never met Allie or anything, because that was her first summer in Maine―before that, she went to Cape Cod―but I told her quite a lot about him.
Interesovale su je takve stvari.	She was interested in that kind of stuff.
Moja majka je nije preterano volela. Mislim, bila je ubeđena da je Džejn i njena majka ignorišu ili nešto, jer joj se ne javljaju kad se sretnu s njom. Često ih je viđala u mestu, zato što se Džejn često vozila sa svojom majkom u tom njihovom otvorenom 'lasalu'.	My mother didn't like her too much. I mean my mother always thought Jane and her mother were sort of snubbing her or something when they didn't say hello. My mother saw them in the village a lot, because Jane used to drive to market with her mother in this LaSalle convertible they had.
Nije čak ni smatrala da je Džejn lepa. Ali ja jesam. Jednostavno mi se sviđalo kako izgleda, to je sve.	My mother didn't think Jane was pretty, even. I did, though. I just liked the way she looked, that's all.
Sećam se jednog popodneva. Bio je to jedan jedini put kad smo stara Džejn i ja došli u priliku da se kao smuvamo ili nešto. Bila je subota i napolju je pljuštalo kao ludo, a ja sam bio kod nje, na verandi - imali su tu veliku ograđenu verandu. Igrali smo čekers.	I remember this one afternoon. It was the only time old Jane and I ever got close to necking, even. It was a Saturday and it was raining like a bastard out, and I was over at her house, on the porch―they had this big screened-in porch. We were playing checkers.
Navikao sam bio da je povremeno zadirkujem što ne pomera svoje kraljeve iz zadnjeg reda. Ali nisam je baš preterano zadirkivao.	I used to kid her once in a while because she wouldn't take her kings out of the back row. But I didn't kid her much, though.
Nikada nisam bio raspoložen da je preterano zadirkujem. U suštini, najviše volim kad možeš do besvesti da zadirkuješ neku devojku ako ti se pruži prilika, ali ima nešto čudno u tome. Ja najmanje volim da zadirkujem devojke koje mi se najviše sviđaju.	You never wanted to kid Jane too much. I think I really like it best when you can kid the pants off a girl when the opportunity arises, but it's a funny thing. The girls I like best are the ones I never feel much like kidding.
Ponekad mi se čini da bi one volele da ih čovek zadirkuje - u suštini, znam da bi volele - ali teško je početi ako ih već prilično dugo poznaješ, a nisi ih nikad zadirkivao. Sve u svemu, rekao sam vam kako smo tog popodneva Džejn i ja bili vrlo blizu toga da se smuvamo.	Sometimes I think they'd like it if you kidded them―in fact, I know they would―but it's hard to get started, once you've known them a pretty long time and never kidded them. Anyway, I was telling you about that afternoon Jane and I came close to necking.
Strahovito je pljuštalo i mi smo bili napolju na njenoj verandi kad se najednom pojavio taj alkos za koga je njena majka bila udata i pitao Džejn ima li u kući cigareta. Nisam ga dobro poznavao, ali izgledao je kao da spada u one likove koji nikad ne bi razgovarali s tobom osim ako im nešto treba.	It was raining like hell and we were out on her porch, and all of a sudden this booze hound her mother was married to came out on the porch and asked Jane if there were any cigarettes in the house. I didn't know him too well or anything, but he looked like the kind of guy that wouldn't talk to you much unless he wanted something off you.
Vrlo neprijatan lik. Sve u svemu, Džejn nije htela da mu odgovori kad je pitao ima li u kući cigareta. Onda je on ponovio pitanje, ali ona mu ni tada nije odgovorila. Samo je i dalje gledala u tablu. Na kraju je on ušao u kuću.	He had a lousy personality. Anyway, old Jane wouldn't answer him when he asked her if she knew where there was any cigarettes. So the guy asked her again, but she still wouldn't answer him. She didn't even look up from the game. Finally the guy went inside the house.
Kad je nestao, pitao sam Džejn šta se, kog đavola, dešava. Tada nije htela čak ni meni da odgovori. Pravila se kao da se koncentriše na sledeći potez u igri ili nešto. A onda je, najednom, na tablu kamila suza.	When he did, I asked Jane what the hell was going on. She wouldn't even answer me, then. She made out like she was concentrating on her next move in the game and all. Then all of a sudden, this tear plopped down on the checkerboard.
Na jedno od crvenih polja - ljudi moji, i sad je vidim. Samo je utrljala prstom u tablu.	On one of the red squares―boy, I can still see it. She just rubbed it into the board with her finger.
Ne znam zašto, ali to me užasno pogodilo. Šta sam onda uradio - prišao sam joj i naterao je da se pomeri na toj klupici za ljuljanje da bih mogao da sednem pored nje - u suštini, bukvalno sam joj seo u krilo.	I don't know why, but it bothered hell out of me. So what I did was, I went over and made her move over on the glider so that I could sit down next to her―I practically sat down in her lap, as a matter of fact.
Onda je stvarno počela da plače, i znam samo da sam je ljubio - svuda - njene oči, nos, čelo, obrve i sve, njene uši - čitavo njeno lice osim usta.	Then she really started to cry, and the next thing I knew, I was kissing her all over― anywhere―her eyes, her nose, her forehead, her eyebrows and all, her ears―her whole face except her mouth and all.

Nekako me nije pustila do usta. Sve u svemu, nikada nismo bili bliže da se smuvamo kao tada. Posle nekog vremena je ustala, ušla u kuću i obukla onaj njen crveno-beli džemper koji me bacao u nesvest, pa smo otišli u prokleti bioskop.	She sort of wouldn't let me get to her mouth. Anyway, it was the closest we ever got to necking. After a while, she got up and went in and put on this red and white sweater she had, that knocked me out, and we went to a goddam movie. I asked her, on the way, if Mr.
Pitao sam je, usput, da li je Kadehi - tako se onaj alkos zvao - ikad pokušao da je smuva. Bila je još vrlo mlada, ali imala je neviđenu figuru, pa me ništa ne bi iznenadilo od tog skota Kadehija.	Cudahy―that was the booze hound's name―had ever tried to get wise with her. She was pretty young, but she had this terrific figure, and I wouldn't've put it past that Cudahy bastard.
Ali rekla je da nije. Nikada nisam provalio u čemu je stvar. Kod nekih devojaka bukvalno nikad ne provališ u čemu je stvar.	She said no, though. I never did find out what the hell was the matter. Some girls you practically never find out what's the matter.
Ne bih hteo da pomislite kako je ona bila frigidna ili nešto, samo zato što se nikad nismo povatali ili preterano ludirali jedno s drugim. Ni u kom slučaju. Na primer, stalno smo se držali za ruke. To ne zvuči kao nešto, svestan sam toga, ali fenomenalno je bilo držati se s njom za ruke.	I don't want you to get the idea she was a goddam icicle or something, just because we never necked or horsed around much. She wasn't. I held hands with her all the time, for instance. That doesn't sound like much, I realize, but she was terrific to hold hands with.
Kod većine devojaka, kad se s njima držiš za ruke, njihova ruka kao da utore u tvojoj, ili misle kako treba stalno da mrdaju rukom, kao da se boje da će ti biti dosadno ili nešto. Džejn je bila drukčija.	Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddam hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you or something. Jane was different.
Otišli bismo u prokleti bioskop ili negde i odmah bismo se uhvatili za ruke, i ne bismo se puštali sve do kraja filma. A nismo menjali položaj ili pravili od toga ne znam šta.	We'd get into a goddam movie or something, and right away we'd start holding hands, and we wouldn't quit till the movie was over. And without changing the position or making a big deal out of it.
Nikada čak nisi morao da brineš, sa Džejn, da li ti je ruka oznojena ili nije. Znao si samo jedno: da si srećan. I zaista si bio. Setio sam se još nečega.	You never even worried, with Jane, whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really were. One other thing I just thought of.
Jednom je, u tom bioskopu, Džejn uradila nešto što me stvarno oborilo. Prikazivao se žurnal ili nešto, i najednom sam osetio nečiju ruku na svom potiljku - bila je to njena ruka.	One time, in this movie, Jane did something that just about knocked me out. The newsreel was on or something, and all of a sudden I felt this hand on the back of my neck, and it was Jane's.
Čudno je bilo uraditi tako nešto. Mislim, bila je još tako mlada i sve, a većina devojaka koje vidiš kako stavljaju ruku na nečiji potiljak obično imaju bar dvadeset pet ili trideset godina i obično to rade svojim muževima ili malom detetu - i ja to, recimo, uradim ponekad svojoj mladoj sestri, Febi.	It was a funny thing to do. I mean she was quite young and all, and most girls if you see them putting their hand on the back of somebody's neck, they're around twenty-five or thirty and usually they're doing it to their husband or their little kid―I do it to my kid sister Phoebe once in a while, for instance.
Ali ako je devojka još sasvim mlada i sve, a uradi tako nešto, to je toliko lepo da te jednostavno obori.	But if a girl's quite young and all and she does it, it's so pretty it just about kills you.
Sve u svemu, o tome sam mislio dok sam sedeo u toj fotelji izbljuvanog izgleda u foajeu. Dobra stara Džejn.	Anyway, that's what I was thinking about while I sat in that vomity-looking chair in the lobby. Old Jane.
Svaki put kad bih se u mislima vratio na ono sa njom i Stredleterom u tim prokletim Ed Benkijevim kolima, došlo bi mi da poludim. Znao sam da ga ona nikad ne bi pustila do šesnaesterca, ali to me svejedno izluđivalo. Ne volim čak ni da pričam o tome, ako baš hoćete da znate.	Every time I got to the part about her out with Stradlater in that damn Ed Banky's car, it almost drove me crazy. I knew she wouldn't let him get to first base with her, but it drove me crazy anyway. I don't even like to talk about it, if you want to know the truth.
U foajeu gotovo da nikoga više nije bilo. Nije više bilo čak ni onih plavuša kurvinskog izgleda, i najednom mi je došlo da odem bestraga odatle. Bilo je suviše depresivno. A nisam bio umoran ili nešto.	There was hardly anybody in the lobby any more. Even all the whory-looking blondes weren't around any more, and all of a sudden I felt like getting the hell out of the place. It was too depressing. And I wasn't tired or anything.
I tako sam se popeo u sobu i obukao kaput. Pogledao sam usput kroz prozor da vidim jesu li oni perverznjaci još u akciji, ali su sva svetla već bila pogažena. Ponovo sam se spustio liftom, uzeo taksi i rekao vozaču da me odveze do 'Ernija'. To je noćni klub u Grinič Vilidžu, u koji je moj brat D.B. često odlazio pre nego što je otišao u Holivud i prodao se.	So I went up to my room and put on my coat. I also took a look out the window to see if all the perverts were still in action, but the lights and all were out now. I went down in the elevator again and got a cab and told the driver to take me down to Ernie's. Ernie's is this night club in Greenwich Village that my brother D.B. used to go to quite frequently before he went out to Hollywood and prostituted himself.
Ponekad je i mene vodio tamo. Erni je veliki debeli crnac koji svira klavir. Neviđen je snob i neće čak ni da razgovara s tobom, osim ako si neka veličina, slavna ličnost ili nešto, ali stvarno ume da svira klavir. Toliko je dobar da je gotovo nepodnošljiv, u suštini.	He used to take me with him once in a while. Ernie's a big fat colored guy that plays the piano. He's a terrific snob and he won't hardly even talk to you unless you're a big shot or a celebrity or something, but he can really play the piano. He's so good he's almost corny, in fact.
Ne znam tačno šta hoću time da kažem, ali stvarno tako mislim. U svakom slučaju, volim da ga slušam kako svira, ali ponekad ti dođe da mu prevrneš prokleti klavir. Mislim da je to zato što ponekad, dok svira, zvuči baš kao tip koji neće da razgovara s tobom ako nisi neka veličina.	I don't exactly know what I mean by that, but I mean it. I certainly like to hear him play, but sometimes you feel like turning his goddam piano over. I think it's because sometimes when he plays, he sounds like the kind of guy that won't talk to you unless you're a big shot.

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